I'd rather be alone than settle

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It's a good thing to focus on your studies or building yourself as a person. It's important that people try to find who they really are and what they want in life; to mature and get to know themselves before they try to be with someone else. Focusing on who you are and what you want is a good thing. However, when it comes to other people, I think you might be focusing too much on making a good first impression and not as much on how to make a relationship (not just a romantic one) work in the long run.

I know it's difficult for people on the spectrum to make a good first impression and to make others respect them (instead of just ignoring them as some sort of weirdos), so learning how to make a good first impression IS important. (And that's something I've never learned how to do properly). However, it's not enough; I think you need to work on how to maintain relationships and make people see what's inside and who you really are.



In this case, it's vital to find a partner who doesn't crave affection that much. Because it really hurts when you love someone and you want his affection but he seems distant or he seems like he's ignoring you. People can't help feeling like this if they are that kind of a person. So I guess you need someone who isn't like this. And it's very difficult to tell in the beginning, because many people seem independent and very involved with their activities, but they actually crave intimacy and affection. Some learn how to hide it because they know men dislike clingy women, but they still crave affection. So the only way to tell is to get to know a person, and that requires time.



Yes, definitely. As I remember, you're very tall, and you're muscular and good looking, so yes, it makes people see you in a certain way. It shapes the way people perceive you, and combined by the fact you make a good first impression, it can result in a misunderstanding. What I'm saying is, that people might expect certain things of you, and AS and insecurity aren't on this list. But this is who you are, so like I said back in the 6 pack thread, it's best to find a compatible person and not someone who likes you because you are good looking and/or because you seem confident and like someone who's on top of social hierarchy.

This might be just my opinion, but it's better to make an average first impression and to work from there, than to swoon people, only to make them realize you are an average bloke just like the rest of the people, with his own problems and insecurities.

Does a person like me even have a shot at dating, find a decent looking girl that would be interested. Be completely honest. So far through my life, the results have led me to believe "no".

I've been rejected/embarrassed by members of the opposite sex more times then I can count. I know Wolfheart said is thread that most women want a man that "desirable" and "confident", two words that don't describe me. I know somewhat how women work, they want a mate that they can show off to their friends and can be proud of to show in public.

That just isn't me. Most people are ashamed to admit they know me. Some people wouldn't want to be caught talking to me in the street and view me with disgust and ridicule. They see me as a half-retarded, mentally slow, and repulsive bum that's not capable of anything worthwhile. It's the main reason I get disrespected all the time.

I have really no desirable qualities; I'm not good looking at any stretch, I'm not tall, I'm slow, uneducated and unintelligent, I have no charisma, I can't make people laugh, and I'm kinda of a bore to talk to.

I also don't any impressive skills and/or talents. I can barely bathe and take care of myself. I'm 25 and I don't even have a car. I have so many deal-breakers that a person like me shouldn't even think about dating at all.

I've concluded that I'll probably alone for my entire life, as I don't see any reason why a person would want to me.

why does she have to be decent looking? considering how you have described yourself, is this a reasonable goal? if you don't think that you are reasonably good looking, i don't see why you would be aiming for a decent looking girlfriend.

What's reasonable about dating?

I know this completely hypocritical, but I can't really help what I'm attracted to. As can any other person.

well, there is your answer then.

Answer to what?

It's not like I'd have any success trying to court women that are ugly. Wait just because they're ugly, you expect them to go for a pathetic, undesirable loser such as myself?

MR20, I'm curious. If you did find a girl who was interested in dating you, what would your dates consist of? Where would you go, what would you do? How would you go about taking care of her emotional needs? Could she expect to count on you in a reasonable, sustainable way? How would you fulfill your side of the relationship? How would you handle conflict and bad patches and misunderstandings? What would you expect her role in the relationship to be?

I'm not singling you out, I'm just interested, as I read through the L&D section, in how younger people view their roles and responsibilties in romantic relationships. Anyone may answer, of course.

you asked if you would have a chance with a girl like that, but you already know you are being unreasonable.

i didn't say that, but you sound like you are being picky for someone who thinks he is that horrible.

A person like you doesn't have much, if any, luck with dating because you're a type of a person who does nothing to improve his conditions. You can't get a date by sitting in front of your computer, whining about being ugly. I mean, to get a girl, you need to communicate and interact with one. She won't just magically appear in your room one day.

You waste A LOT of your energy on unproductive things (putting yourself down) instead of doing something to make yourself feel better. Like bathing regularly and changing your underwear every day. I know it seems silly and maybe pointless, but remember, it's a first step.

I mean wow she doesn't have to look like sunshower/Lilya, hell I'd just go for average, as long we connect and she's interested in some of the stuff I like. Looks aren't really that important for me, as long as she cares about, respects and loves me, that'll be enough along with the stuff I mentioned earlier.

It's like not ugly women have low enough self esteem that they would consider going out with someone like me. It doesn't really matter whether I'm considered "picky' or not

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if you think you are below average it is picky to go after someone who is average. you want someone who is better looking than you think that you are.

That's true, I sometimes feel as if MR20 is waiting for success to simply fall into his hands, he needs to realize that people who do have successful lifestyles, jobs and relationships have had to work or study for them their whole lives and they take time and devotion to maintain.



You need to accept yourself and take small realistic steps to achieving your independence. I think you understand what you need to work on and you realize where you could improve. As I have stated, you have good understanding, writing and presentation skills as shown by some of your threads, if you could apply those presentation skills into something productive and positive, you would see an improvement.



I agree, I was going to bring this up earlier but wasn't sure if I should. Perhaps MR20 should settle for someone who isn't highly perceived as attractive or sought after, maybe someone who is less sought after and in a similar situation to his own would be able to emphasize with him and have a better understanding of what he is going through.

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