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Mr. no text back has texted back.

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Sweetleaf
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04 Mar 2012, 4:42 pm

mv wrote:
Sweetleaf, I agree with the sage naysayers here. The first thing I did when I read your original post is to look at the timestamp. He texted you on the cusp of Saturday night. What does that tell you? Anything?

Not really considering he didn't text me back for two weeks until then, maybe that's when he decided to text me...I mean he works into the evening most of the week so typically the weekends or later at night was when he typically texted.

I used to be you, a very long time ago. I'm glad those days are gone. Guess what? Every time a guy acted like this guy is acting with you, he was lying. *Every* *single* *time*. It actually gets easier to detect, over time, and now I just laugh when dudes try this sh** with me. It's "cute" in their 20s, it's absolutely pitiful in their 40s.

As an aside, I recently had a guy my age (mid 40s) tell me he just had a really intense dream about me. A guy I don't know very well at all. I just laughed and said, "Geez, I haven't heard that one since high school!" He was mortified that he was that transparent and got all flustered and defensive. If it had been true, he would just have been confused or would have walked away thinking, "huh, I guess our karmas *aren't* really intertwined".

Do you see what I'm getting at, here? We really are trying to help you, from our experience (either personal or observing).


And I guess I can see that, I guess I just feel kinda bad people seem so insistent that it has to be that he's pulling something like this...when all anyone here knows basically is I had a good time with this guy the times we hung out then last i heard he would text me back if he could hang out over the weekend a couple weeks ago and just now got back to me yesterday. I don't see how that rules out every other possibility.


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Sweetleaf
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04 Mar 2012, 4:44 pm

Tequila wrote:
mv wrote:
Sweetleaf, I agree with the sage naysayers here. The first thing I did when I read your original post is to look at the timestamp. He texted you on the cusp of Saturday night. What does that tell you? Anything?

I used to be you, a very long time ago. I'm glad those days are gone. Guess what? Every time a guy acted like this guy is acting with you, he was lying. *Every* *single* *time*. It actually gets easier to detect, over time, and now I just laugh when dudes try this sh** with me. It's "cute" in their 20s, it's absolutely pitiful in their 40s.

As an aside, I recently had a guy my age (mid 40s) tell me he just had a really intense dream about me. A guy I don't know very well at all. I just laughed and said, "Geez, I haven't heard that one since high school!" He was mortified that he was that transparent and got all flustered and defensive. If it had been true, he would just have been confused or would have walked away thinking, "huh, I guess our karmas *aren't* really intertwined".

Do you see what I'm getting at, here? We really are trying to help you, from our experience (either personal or observing).


But this guy is "different". He's probably "misunderstood", that's all.


see this is the kind of crap that makes me question peoples intentions, you just had to go out of your way to try and make fun of what kinds of things I might find attractive in people......I thought this wasn't about trying to make me feel worse about myself.


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hyperlexian
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04 Mar 2012, 4:44 pm

Sweetleaf, you slept with him the very first time you hung out, right? this is an important detail.


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mv
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04 Mar 2012, 4:47 pm

Except that, probabilistically, he's lying to you, relegating you to the back burner, using you, etc. For you to continue to entertain him, to engage him, is just feeding the drama. There's no point to it. None.

999 out of 1,000, this guy is absolutely doing what I say above. Think to yourself: in what way could I have scored that 1 out of 1000 times? Nobody is that special. Nobody. Not him, and not you.

He is manipulating you. Please, please try to see it. It absolutely is better to have NOTHING going on than these scraps. That's what you (and everyone who's been there) need to internalize.



Tequila
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04 Mar 2012, 4:49 pm

mv wrote:
Except that, probabilistically, he's lying to you, relegating you to the back burner, using you, etc. For you to continue to entertain him, to engage him, is just feeding the drama. There's no point to it. None.

999 out of 1,000, this guy is absolutely doing what I say above. Think to yourself: in what way could I have scored that 1 out of 1000 times? Nobody is that special. Nobody. Not him, and not you.

He is manipulating you. Please, please try to see it. It absolutely is better to have NOTHING going on than these scraps. That's what you (and everyone who's been there) need to internalize.


This is good advice. Please take it.



Tequila
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04 Mar 2012, 4:51 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
Sweetleaf, you slept with him the very first time you hung out, right? this is an important detail.


Definitely agreed, and this even more strengthens my suspicions.



Sweetleaf
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04 Mar 2012, 4:52 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
Sweetleaf, you slept with him the very first time you hung out, right? this is an important detail.


Yes and both of us where in agreement that we felt like having sex...so we did. We also did the last time we hung out and I do not feel like I was pressured into it or anything like that.


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Tequila
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04 Mar 2012, 4:54 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
Yes and both of us where in agreement that we felt like having sex...so we did. We also did the last time we hung out and I do not feel like I was pressured into it or anything like that.


And the guy texted you on Saturday night?!

He was looking for sex. He doesn't care about you, he just wants to use your holes.



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04 Mar 2012, 4:55 pm

mv wrote:
Except that, probabilistically, he's lying to you, relegating you to the back burner, using you, etc. For you to continue to entertain him, to engage him, is just feeding the drama. There's no point to it. None.

999 out of 1,000, this guy is absolutely doing what I say above. Think to yourself: in what way could I have scored that 1 out of 1000 times? Nobody is that special. Nobody. Not him, and not you.

He is manipulating you. Please, please try to see it. It absolutely is better to have NOTHING going on than these scraps. That's what you (and everyone who's been there) need to internalize.


So there is never the possibility a dude has a s**t load of crap to deal with and don't exactly want to text a girl they don't know to well and have only hung out with a couple times about it so they wait a while before texting back. I am saying if its something like that I don't want to just not respond at all.......sorry I guess.


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Sweetleaf
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04 Mar 2012, 4:56 pm

Tequila wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
Yes and both of us where in agreement that we felt like having sex...so we did. We also did the last time we hung out and I do not feel like I was pressured into it or anything like that.


And the guy texted you on Saturday night?!

He was looking for sex. He doesn't care about you, he just wants to use your holes.


You don't know that for sure, you've given your opinion......now it seems like you're just trying to upset me so you're welcome to leave the thread if you'd like.


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04 Mar 2012, 4:58 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
You don't know that for sure, you've given your opinion......now it seems like you're just trying to upset me so you're welcome to leave the thread if you'd like.


Ignore him and see what happens. I suspect if you tell him you're not interested in sex with him any more and leave it at that you'll never hear from him again.



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04 Mar 2012, 4:59 pm

We're not assuming anything. All that you say spells out very clearly to us that this guy is using you, as plain as day. You need to stop giving him the benefit of the doubt. He is not misunderstood. If he wanted to know you for who you are, he wouldn't have taken as long as a week to text you back, let alone two.



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04 Mar 2012, 4:59 pm

Tequila wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
You don't know that for sure, you've given your opinion......now it seems like you're just trying to upset me so you're welcome to leave the thread if you'd like.


Ignore him and see what happens. I suspect if you tell him you're not interested in sex with him any more and leave it at that you'll never hear from him again.


yeah that is already what I said I was going to do...a couple pages back I believe it was.


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04 Mar 2012, 5:01 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
Sweetleaf, you slept with him the very first time you hung out, right? this is an important detail.


Yes and both of us where in agreement that we felt like having sex...so we did. We also did the last time we hung out and I do not feel like I was pressured into it or anything like that.

i don't judge you for that (i had a one night stand turn into a marriage, after all), and i don't think he pressured you. HOWEVER it explains his pattern of behaviour. most guys probably would not act like him, but i definitely have experienced situations with people like that.

he didn't contact you because he didn't need to. he got everything he wanted. he got sex when he wanted it, and solitude when he wanted that too. now he probably wants sex again (though he would NEVER admit that outright), and so he is back talking to you.

he is only going to put in the amount of work that he absolutely has to do in order to get what he wants. he doesn't know yet that you are thinking you might be asexual. so as far as he knows you're still available for a booty call. you can try telling him about your feelings but if you sound even *slightly* uncertain about being asexual he will probably think that he can convince you to have sex again.

i think you need to listen to your instincts. you had sex with him then decided you may be asexual. also, one time you had a panic attack on your way over to his house and had to turn around. and then now you are posting on here instead of just texting him. you are giving yourself signals.


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04 Mar 2012, 5:01 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
mv wrote:
Except that, probabilistically, he's lying to you, relegating you to the back burner, using you, etc. For you to continue to entertain him, to engage him, is just feeding the drama. There's no point to it. None.

999 out of 1,000, this guy is absolutely doing what I say above. Think to yourself: in what way could I have scored that 1 out of 1000 times? Nobody is that special. Nobody. Not him, and not you.

He is manipulating you. Please, please try to see it. It absolutely is better to have NOTHING going on than these scraps. That's what you (and everyone who's been there) need to internalize.


So there is never the possibility a dude has a sh** load of crap to deal with and don't exactly want to text a girl they don't know to well and have only hung out with a couple times about it so they wait a while before texting back. I am saying if its something like that I don't want to just not respond at all.......sorry I guess.


Ultimately, you're going to do what you want to do. It's just: when you posted about this guy before, I told you what would happen, and it did.

I hope you make the right decision for your self, your conscience, your body, and your self-esteem.

No, it's not possible for a guy to have that much s**t on his plate, to ignore someone he considers special. Ah, but you aren't that, are you? Not to him, anyway. And now you're reinforcing it. That's what I'm saying. If that is TRULY enough for you, then keep on doing what you're doing. But you can't talk us into endorsing your decision. Some of us have been down that road, and we know all the potholes and dropoffs.

I'm seriously not trying to make you feel bad, I'm trying to get you to see what's likely in his (limited) brain.



Sweetleaf
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04 Mar 2012, 5:04 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
Sweetleaf, you slept with him the very first time you hung out, right? this is an important detail.


Yes and both of us where in agreement that we felt like having sex...so we did. We also did the last time we hung out and I do not feel like I was pressured into it or anything like that.

i don't judge you for that (i had a one night stand turn into a marriage, after all), and i don't think he pressured you. HOWEVER it explains his pattern of behaviour. most guys probably would not act like him, but i definitely have experienced situations with people like that.

he didn't contact you because he didn't need to. he got everything he wanted. he got sex when he wanted it, and solitude when he wanted that too. now he probably wants sex again (though he would NEVER admit that outright), and so he is back talking to you.

he is only going to put in the amount of work that he absolutely has to do in order to get what he wants. he doesn't know yet that you are thinking you might be asexual. so as far as he knows you're still available for a booty call. you can try telling him about your feelings but if you sound even *slightly* uncertain about being asexual he will probably think that he can convince you to have sex again.

i think you need to listen to your instincts. you had sex with him then decided you may be asexual. also, one time you had a panic attack on your way over to his house and had to turn around. and then now you are posting on here instead of just texting him. you are giving yourself signals.


No I had a panic attack when I was at my friends house and headed back down to my moms house, and got off the bus before it left. It had nothing to do with that.

Also why do you not even consider the things I said he said he was having to deal with, I mean I was already clear he was going to be rather busy with that.....I just figured he would have texted back sooner. I guess to me its hard to just overlook some factors.