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Telling OKC dates about ASD PRIOR to meeting

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IrishTusk
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26 Feb 2013, 5:08 pm

I say never tell.

I've recently met a girl on PoF and we've been chatting for two weeks met up twice and are meeting up at hers on Friday. :wink: And I have no intentions of telling her of Aspergers, We get along like a house on fire, She is a PE teacher and I love fitness, I like to spar she is a TKD black belt. We're both Nerdy ect.

She is rather good looking but her PoF profile didn't even have a pic in short by pure chance I've met this person who is amazing and I can guarantee you if I mentioned ASD or my ADHD before I met her she wouldn't have came out with me.


Though I've not mentioned my ADHD either, but it's kinda obvious.


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Wolfheart
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26 Feb 2013, 5:08 pm

SINsister wrote:
Wolfheart wrote:
...I just got a message on plenty of fish saying this
"Looking at your profile I don't know if I could cope with the number of girls swooning over you lol x"


Haha, nice! \m/ :D

Sounds to me like you've got nothing to worry about, then. :P


Now another one, I think someone sounds a little possessive.
"And this whole being a Facebook celeb lol by having loads of weird women following you , I prefer someone a bit more to themselves x"



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26 Feb 2013, 5:21 pm

IrishTusk wrote:
She is a PE teacher and I love fitness, I like to spar she is a TKD black belt. We're both Nerdy ect.


Nothing needs to be said, imho, because you're just alike. That's really cool. :D


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26 Feb 2013, 11:36 pm

Wolfheart wrote:
I see attraction as a subjective factor and it can be dependent on preference, however I do spend hours working out in the gym, following a healthy diet and skin regime. Some people would say that it is vain but it's more of a personal preference.

However in regards to age, I always say people are as young as they feel and I have pretty much dated girls older than me over the past year since they find me to be more mature than my age.


...or is it that these women are fairly immature for their age?



The_Face_of_Boo
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27 Feb 2013, 3:26 am

Sweetleaf wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
No, you silly, but an immortal has an infinite years to live, so he can afford to have the most strict standards in the world and mentions all his issues on a dating profile (ie. AS) yet he will always have chances no matter how little frequent are (as long the human race still exists or didn't evolve to something else), even if they are 100 years apart.


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Alright, because there are clearly no people at all that would not take an issue with someone being upfront about mental conditions they have and maybe still be intrested in dating. I think it is a little bit more in the realms of reality than that.........but I could be wrong,



There are such people but they are very few; and btw a LOT of people who have these mental conditions but they would not want someone with the same or similar conditions. We heard a lot of AS girls here who prefer NT guys for instance.


I never said anything about having the most strict of standards in the world...just that some people including myself have the standard of not wanting to be with someone who would negatively judge them because of what the media says about AS if they mention it on their profile. How is that the most strict standards in the world?

And those very few people are in my opinion more worth knowing than hoards of squares, of course not everyone with a mental condition wants someone with a simular condition and not every NT wants someone with a mental condition. I personally am more intrested in people who have had simular experiances and issues as they might understand more where I am coming from.


GAWD, I am talking figuratively!! !! I didn't say you said X or Y - I was trying to make a point.

You are totally unable to read between the lines or any figurative example.

And yes, mentioning AS on profile is a bit extreme filtering in my opinion, it's a rare condition after all that few have it and very few know what it is.

Bye, please don't reply.



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27 Feb 2013, 3:50 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

GAWD, I am talking figuratively!! !! I didn't say you said X or Y - I was trying to make a point.

You are totally unable to read between the lines or any figurative example.

And yes, mentioning AS on profile is a bit extreme filtering in my opinion, it's a rare condition after all that few have it and very few know what it is.

Bye, please don't reply.


Lol, cause you can tell me what to do on the internet :roll: ...how about this don't direct a post at me if you don't want a response that's just dumb. Way to get all worked up over a simple difference of opinion and me not getting vauge things you are trying to infer with ridiculous illogical claims. No sense in continuing this, you can keep your resentment towards anyone who does not agree with all of your opinions cause i sure as hell don't need it.


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Last edited by Sweetleaf on 27 Feb 2013, 3:19 pm, edited 2 times in total.

The_Face_of_Boo
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27 Feb 2013, 3:55 am

Sweetleaf wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
No, you silly, but an immortal has an infinite years to live, so he can afford to have the most strict standards in the world and mentions all his issues on a dating profile (ie. AS) yet he will always have chances no matter how little frequent are (as long the human race still exists or didn't evolve to something else), even if they are 100 years apart.


Quote:
Alright, because there are clearly no people at all that would not take an issue with someone being upfront about mental conditions they have and maybe still be intrested in dating. I think it is a little bit more in the realms of reality than that.........but I could be wrong,



There are such people but they are very few; and btw a LOT of people who have these mental conditions but they would not want someone with the same or similar conditions. We heard a lot of AS girls here who prefer NT guys for instance.


I never said anything about having the most strict of standards in the world...just that some people including myself have the standard of not wanting to be with someone who would negatively judge them because of what the media says about AS if they mention it on their profile. How is that the most strict standards in the world?

And those very few people are in my opinion more worth knowing than hoards of squares, of course not everyone with a mental condition wants someone with a simular condition and not every NT wants someone with a mental condition. I personally am more intrested in people who have had simular experiances and issues as they might understand more where I am coming from.


GAWD, I am talking figuratively!! !! I didn't say you said X or Y - I was trying to make a point.

You are totally unable to read between the lines or any figurative example.

And yes, mentioning AS on profile is a bit extreme filtering in my opinion, it's a rare condition after all that few have it and very few know what it is.

Bye, please don't reply.


Lol, cause you can tell me what to do on the internet :roll: ...how about this don't direct a post at me if you don't want a response that's just dumb. Way to get all worked up over a simple difference of opinion and me not getting vauge things you are trying to infer with ridiculous illogical claims. No sense in continuing this, you can keep your resentment towards anyone who does not agree with all of your opinions cause i sure as hell don't need it.


Yay!

Have a nice day.



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27 Feb 2013, 10:41 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
No, you silly, but an immortal has an infinite years to live, so he can afford to have the most strict standards in the world and mentions all his issues on a dating profile (ie. AS) yet he will always have chances no matter how little frequent are (as long the human race still exists or didn't evolve to something else), even if they are 100 years apart.


Quote:
Alright, because there are clearly no people at all that would not take an issue with someone being upfront about mental conditions they have and maybe still be intrested in dating. I think it is a little bit more in the realms of reality than that.........but I could be wrong,



There are such people but they are very few; and btw a LOT of people who have these mental conditions but they would not want someone with the same or similar conditions. We heard a lot of AS girls here who prefer NT guys for instance.


I never said anything about having the most strict of standards in the world...just that some people including myself have the standard of not wanting to be with someone who would negatively judge them because of what the media says about AS if they mention it on their profile. How is that the most strict standards in the world?

And those very few people are in my opinion more worth knowing than hoards of squares, of course not everyone with a mental condition wants someone with a simular condition and not every NT wants someone with a mental condition. I personally am more intrested in people who have had simular experiances and issues as they might understand more where I am coming from.


GAWD, I am talking figuratively!! !! I didn't say you said X or Y - I was trying to make a point.

You are totally unable to read between the lines or any figurative example.

And yes, mentioning AS on profile is a bit extreme filtering in my opinion, it's a rare condition after all that few have it and very few know what it is.

Bye, please don't reply.


This was a little mean. Difficulty reading between the lines or understanding figurative examples is an HFA/aspie trait, and this is a site for people with HFA/Asperger's. I didn't quite understand the point either.



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27 Feb 2013, 3:15 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
i... have mixed feelings about this one. i used to feel strongly that a person should disclose their AS because in many relationships it factors in to some degree or another, and quite often it factors in on the first date... it even shows up on some profiles - people with AS _sometimes_ come across differently in print. and there are aspies who don't care about fashion trends and such, so their pictures look different.

so if a person is getting a lack of responses because they are coming across as different online already, they can only be helped by disclosing their diagnosis as soon as possible (i.e. right on the profile). or it could be a good explanation as to why a person doesn't have as much dating experience as compared to peers, for example.

but on the other hand, if someone is getting into relationships fine without anyone ever suspecting anything, then it isn't really necessary to talk about it until things get serious. if AS isn't posing any problem and it's not an issue... why make it an issue? once things shift into a more serious mode, i think it's good to share it just so that the partner is informed and aware, but early on it seems unnecessary.


Ironically, you kept tell me to include my AS diagnosis on OKCupid when I first started.



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28 Feb 2013, 4:30 am

hyperlexian wrote:
i... have mixed feelings about this one. i used to feel strongly that a person should disclose their AS because in many relationships it factors in to some degree or another, and quite often it factors in on the first date... it even shows up on some profiles - people with AS _sometimes_ come across differently in print. and there are aspies who don't care about fashion trends and such, so their pictures look different.

so if a person is getting a lack of responses because they are coming across as different online already, they can only be helped by disclosing their diagnosis as soon as possible (i.e. right on the profile). or it could be a good explanation as to why a person doesn't have as much dating experience as compared to peers, for example.

but on the other hand, if someone is getting into relationships fine without anyone ever suspecting anything, then it isn't really necessary to talk about it until things get serious. if AS isn't posing any problem and it's not an issue... why make it an issue? once things shift into a more serious mode, i think it's good to share it just so that the partner is informed and aware, but early on it seems unnecessary.


The thing is though, Asperger's can affect a long term relationship, especially if it's with an NT. So it is necessary for them to know at some point and I wouldn't want them to feel deceived, since the issues that can be caused by ASD's are not necessarily immediately apparent at the beginning of the relationship. Your original point of view had some logic in it.



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28 Feb 2013, 5:08 am

^ Disclosing AS on okcupid might get you some attention at the beginning, thanks to the Okcupid's activity log it might get the attention of those few women in your area who are seeking for an AS guy or something of that sort, but those are surely to be very very very few - like 1 or 2 at best if you're not living in UK or US while it would scare the rest.

If you date those few and happens that none liked you after date or simple not compatible, what would you do then? your okc options would be f****d.



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28 Feb 2013, 5:15 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
If you date those few and happens that none liked you after date or simple not compatible, what would you do then? your okc options would be f****.


Move to the next dating site. When you run out of those, maby then you are f****d.

I'd rather be with someone who accepts me for who i am than to live a lie with an intolerant idiot.


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28 Feb 2013, 5:28 am

Like Hyperlexian mentioned before, if you date an NT several times and the two of you are really having a good time and really compatible; then why making AS an issue from the beginning?? Disclosing AS at that stage won't scare her because she knows you already.

A pragmatic advice that may be seen too sexist: Men should be pragmatic on dating sites, not idealists. Above-average women and the hot-man who's getting a lot of dates can afford to be slightly idealists and start to put filters.

Are you getting too much dates from dating sites, Ichinin?

PS: Why the copy/paste is disabled here?



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28 Feb 2013, 5:44 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
A pragmatic advice that may be seen too sexist: Men should be pragmatic on dating sites, not idealists. Above-average women and the hot-man who's getting a lot of dates can afford to be slightly idealists and start to put filters.

Are you getting too much dates from dating sites, Ichinin?

PS: Why the copy/paste is disabled here?


Disclosing Aspergers or not has little do do with my problems on dating sites. I cannot find the RIGHT girls/women and i haven't been registered on any dating sites since last summer, i cannot give a s**t anymore and i'd rather be happy instead.


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28 Feb 2013, 5:45 am

Ichinin wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
A pragmatic advice that may be seen too sexist: Men should be pragmatic on dating sites, not idealists. Above-average women and the hot-man who's getting a lot of dates can afford to be slightly idealists and start to put filters.

Are you getting too much dates from dating sites, Ichinin?

PS: Why the copy/paste is disabled here?


Disclosing Aspergers or not has little do do with my problems on dating sites. I cannot find the RIGHT girls/women and i haven't been registered on any dating sites since last summer, i cannot give a sh** anymore and i'd rather be happy instead.


Then why are you here?



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28 Feb 2013, 8:33 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Like Hyperlexian mentioned before, if you date an NT several times and the two of you are really having a good time and really compatible; then why making AS an issue from the beginning?? Disclosing AS at that stage won't scare her because she knows you already.

A pragmatic advice that may be seen too sexist: Men should be pragmatic on dating sites, not idealists. Above-average women and the hot-man who's getting a lot of dates can afford to be slightly idealists and start to put filters.

Are you getting too much dates from dating sites, Ichinin?

PS: Why the copy/paste is disabled here?


I still don't see how nondisclosure is "pragmatic." You're just setting yourself up to waste a lot of time going out on dates with people with whom you're not compatible. Now this may be less of a problem for you, personally, if you have worked hard to overcome flat affect, but for those who still have it, there's no easier way to turn off a girl than to not have facial expressions. When I was on zoloft last year, some girls literally acted scared of me.

I'm not a fan of putting it on the profile. But I think that everyone should still tell them pretty early on.