A handy dating guide (for women)..........

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I assure you the comment was sincere. What you may have picked up on was my subconscious wish that you find a way to think about having value as a person that is not tied purely to material aspects of this existence. But hey, it's your life.

I was dating last year, about 14 months ago, and that was for 2-3 months.
I've been on 2 dates between then and now while unemployed.
My last long term relationship was when unemployed at the age of 23-24.
There was a girl I was dating from London after I had just finished college and wasn't really earning much money.

I'm not going to bother listing any more beyond that because it looks kinda pathetic but you get the picture. It wasn't my lack of a job that broke those relationships up, even if it wasn't doing me any favors. It was more a case of either one of us in those relationships having serious issues be it depression, boundaries, communication, commitment etc. so they ended for non-material reasons.

Well the argument that a decent woman should respect a man who lives at home with his parents and has no job won't fly well with women. Especially in an area as superficial as the one where I'm from.

Maybe it's different where you're from. But you need to have money to be in the dating scene here. You need to have something to offer here.

Frankly I have a hard time believing you, JM. But whatever, it's an internet board people can say whatever they want to. If you really did have that 1 or 2 long term relationship that's good for you. That doesn't fly in America though.

What's not to believe? I'm an average guy, they were average girls. We all lived modest lives.
Yes, I live in a city where everyone's extremely shallow and the dating pool can be very difficult to swim in.
I got hung up on a lot of the same issues you have such as height, income, work, car etc. It's worth noting that when I stopped thinking about those things, other people stopped questioning those things about me too and I had more success.

I live in Scotland where unemployment rates have been pretty high for all of my adult life. People who are unemployed or in low income jobs do find partners/get married. Maybe for those who live in parts of the world with full employment find it hard to believe that people who don't have work can have relationships, but believe me, it can and does happen!

I often find myself wondering what kind of world some people on this forum live in, because it seems to be very different from mine. When I go out I see couples of all different sizes, shapes, degrees of physical attractiveness, appearance and income. According to some here, it is only possible to have a relationship if you meet some hypothetical degree of perfection in all or most aspects of your life - particularly physical appearance and material affluence and independence. That's not the real world where I live.

Most of the guys who are past college age and currently unemployed right now that I know - have girlfriends. The 4 who don't have girlfriends in the group are all employed, and work so much that it makes it almost impossible to date or have a relationship (since all of them are doing 12 hour days 5 days a week and one 18 hour day each week). They essentially don't have time to date or for a relationship, and when they try, the women they try to date soon realise it too and leave very quickly.

So your implying that women prefer unemployed men?

You hang out with strange people.

In the other thread you said that you know 3 men that are 5'2. AND they all had girlfriends.

I think you are lying. Not only is it rare to know a guy who is 5'2 but it is rare to know 3 of them with girlfriends.

And now your saying that 4 of your "friends" who work can't get girlfriends while your unemployed friends can. I find this all very hard to believe.

Last edited by lost561 on 11 Oct 2013, 9:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Well, it's reasonable to expect to spend time with someone you're in a relationship with. If the guy you're seeing is working 12 and 18 hour days then you're not going to be spending much time together.

lol

No, that was not the implication but now I see what your problem is and how you may have had a point all along. Not everyone on this board is on the high functioning end of the spectrum and lord knows that even geniuses amongst us can at times be too literal in their comprehension, especially when it comes to social rules.

The implication in this paragraph specifically is that women prefer to have relationships with men who are available, so this is why sometimes men without jobs have girlfriends while at the same time men with really good jobs don't have girlfriends. It sounds counter-intuitive, I agree, but it does happen.

However, as you say, this may not be as easy where you live, although it probably would be but you are also probably assuming a certain type of female that you personally would be interested in and assume they wouldn't be interested in you unless you had a job.

Are you suggesting that I'm on the lower end of the spectrum or the higher end? I'm just curious as to that?

I've already gotten a diagnosis from 2 doctors and they both say the same thing.

I am not a doctor, it is not my place to make that call but you frequently cite that the reason you comment so much and request data to back up 'advice' people give on the forum is because, and I paraphrase: 'some people on this forum are not very experienced and use people's personal opinions as advice on what they should do'. In your opinion, this is bad.

To imply that someone is not capable of making an intelligent deduction from the information at hand does suggest to me a lower functioning end of the spectrum, yes.

First of all, I am from a different ethnicity than you. Those of my ethnicity are on average, shorter, than those of yours. So to know guys who are small is not so uncommon. Also, all of them are either very fit, and the shortest actually is very, very muscular. In essence, they have other traits that offset their height. The reason I did not realise that the shortest was the same height as me is because he is so muscular that when I stand next to him I still feel smaller than him.

I am not saying they prefer them. Most of my group are employed. Those who are not are studying, except for these 4. Most of them who are employed and have reasonable hours have girlfriends (or girls available for fun, either way). As a poster above pointed out - in that case of the guys who work unreasonable hours, it comes down to availability. Two of the guy's girlfriends are pregnant, so for at least two of them they will need to find a job fairly soon anyway. And I am from a different culture than you too. To not have a job does not hold the same stigma it does there. Especially since our emphasis for entertainment is on people and free actives as a rule (music, dancing) and necessities such as food, with everyone sharing and pooling resources.

At least you acknowledge that you aren't a doctor.

My personal view is that asking for advice is a bad idea because your putting your fate into someone else's hands when they really have no clue about the whole situation. It also means that you can't make your own logical decision for yourself.

What do mean by "information at hand" ? That would suggest to you lower functioning autism?

Your paragraphs and sentences make no sense at this point.

disclaimer:
the problem I have is that I really don't know how to talk to people who are not as knowledgeable about things as I am. I am always worried that I will come off as patronizing and that horrifies me.
...

Are you trying to say that you are overwhelmed with your diagnosis and don't know what to make of your life now and don't know who to trust?

You are not patronizing. Don't worry about that.

The second part of your post is Pretty spot on.

OK, well for start, you are still the same person you were before the dx and you managed to get this far so I think that means you will be OK.

Take your time in figuring things out I guess, nobody's advice can be 100% reliable, that's just life.