Klowglas wrote:
What you just described is most of the world, yes mot guys just want to get laid, but it's also true that most women just want security -- few if anybody really cares about what really mattered most, and hence these sort of threads, the only thing many aspie males can sell is their niceness, but it's just not any good. You can be nice is self-pity, you can be nice and not funny, you can still be nice and a coward, but you just can't be loved/desired, not unless it has some form of power to accompany it.
I'm not obsessed with power, I'm obsessed for the reason why some people end up in my position, if nobody can figure out why I'm here, then that means somebody else is going to fill my shoes eventually. If humans continue to love others based on what they can do for them, and not because they are good human beings, then it's going to be your children/grand-children that will fill my shoes, because many of them wont be as strong or as powerful as others.
I question how powerless you, or most of these couples on this website are but it is something that everyone is going to have to face at some point, because it's something that's going away as we age, a womans beauty is going to fade, that's when her power fades, men lose physical strength, and both of these lose their sharpness.
Many of us 'nice guy' aspies have gone our entire lives without any female friendship, and we're expected to court them with the same sort of guile and confidence of an NT at the top of his game? That's just not going to happen. Many of us can't approach women through social prowess. Our condition makes it hard to get a job, so many of us can't woo them through security, this then leave us with the most base part that makes our being, something that just isn't desired.
Hell, maybe some of you couples just got lucky, that's possible but it's just not something most people can count on.
Oh, I am lucky. But luck shouldn't have anything to do with it, going by your theory. It's all about power, except for the nice guys, who have no power (are they nice because they have no power, or have no power because they're nice?) and so can't get a woman anyway. What's more, there are not that many lucky people in the world, not defined that way. Power, for the vast, vast majority, is relative and rarely had. Most people, definitionally, are average looking. Most people, definitionally, are not at all wealthy. Most people, though, will get some sort of relationship, and will try to make it work, and many times it does.
People love each other for many reasons in the other and themselves. Often, it is something beyond the person - they are loved for their existence. People don't love simply for what their beloved can do for them.
"Most guys just want to get laid" - nope. "Most women just want security" - nope. People tend to the multifaceted and complex.
You
are obssessed with power. This is
your theory.
Your assertion of how the world - at least, romantic relationships - works. And it's all about power. So yes, you're obssessed with power. I've already said there's a kernel of truth in what you say, which is how you can get away with it a bit easier than if you insisted it all came down to who could eat the most molten lava - but it is limited and contextual, and nothing like the whole picture.
You feel you have no power - I say 'feel' here, as whether or not you have power (quite however you're defining it), I wager you'd still feel powerless. For all I know, you do have 'power', but just don't think it so - anyway, you feel you have no power, and you can't get a woman to be romantically interested in you, so you put 2 and 2 together and end up with 367 gazillion, and assume all romantic (and interpersonal) relationships are based on the power of the individuals, and what one partner can get from the other. Which they're not. Oh sure, some are. There's a lot of messed up people out there, a lot of users. You'll notice they get their own particular designation as they deviate from the norm, which is not being a messed-up user.
What power do you think I have? I can be funny ha-ha to/with some people, and sometimes have a knack with a way of putting something. Is being able to make some people laugh 'power'? Being able to talk about overlapping interests with likeminded people 'power'? Being able to be interesting in conversation with some people 'power'? This is a very selective group, by the way - as you can doubtless tell, I'll bore a good 99% of people to tears.
Unless you're trying to stretch 'power' to mean 'any and all attributes that may make a person attractive, be it for friendship or romance, to another'. In which case, you don't lack power so much as any appealing attributes. That you piss and moan about said attributes, thinking the lack of such makes you a 'better', 'virtuous', more 'pure' or 'good' person, is - guess what - pretty unpleasant. You know, not nice.
What's your problem? Is your 'type' limited to the sort who do in fact lust for beautiful, wealthy, economically and socially powerful men and won't consider anything that isn't? Most people fall in love regardless of power. Most people get and stay together, regardless of power.
People are loved because they are good. Not everyone who is good is loved, and not everyone who is loved is good. But people are loved because they are good.
So, because you have difficulty attaining romantic interest from a woman, this means all the relationships I see as I go through the world are based on the power of the individuals involved, and on what each individual can do for their romantic partner.
Please stop going on about how women can 'use' sex to get a man. Do you even realise what you're saying - what the actual, lived experience of a situation like that would involve - and how you sound?
I'm assuming from what you say that you haven't yet had a romantic relationship. That being so, from what do you draw your assertions and suppositions? If it isn't so - what went wrong?
Anyway: pray tell, Clarence, just what it is you and the other aspie Nice Guys do that makes you such darn good people?
_________________
Of course, it's probably quite a bit more complicated than that.
You know sometimes, between the dames and the horses, I don't even know why I put my hat on.
18 May 2014, 1:08 pm
I'm f***ing pissed now. Now I know what women are talking about with Nice Guys tm. WTF was I thinking when I was 18-19? You guys are users.
