If you are single are you happy being that way?

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No, I wasn't insinuating that at all, believe it or not. What interests me is why you came to the conclusion that I must be a "man-hater" by the comments I'd made to you previously, especially since they really could be applied to *anyone* in a position such as yours.

Regardless, I think the co-dependency of the lifestyle is detrimental to both of you; the young woman needs professional help and supervision.

Two people are meeting some if not all of each other's emotional needs. Why is this a problem? This girl is spending time with a man who enjoys her company and accepts her for who she is rather than patronizing her because of her handicaps. How does her life get better if she doesn't see him anymore? For that matter, how does b9's life improve?

Single

Not happy

I don't think that's quite the size of things in their relationship; b9's initial post seemed to indicate otherwise. Not being a mental health professional, I can't offer that kind of advice. b9 posted something, and I commented on it - it's my opinion, and nothing more.

does she know you are just stringing her along?

/\if you read you would know she won't take no for an answer and threatened suicide last time he tried to split.

i was a bit disillusioned the night i wrote that post.

i am not "stringing her along". does that mean i operate her as a marionette?
i told her i can not marry her and i told her that i am not interested in sex much.
i told her that she should go and meet people which are more normal than me. she should meet boys that are romantic and physically affectionate and nice. if they want to court her then she should definitely go for it.

i will always love her as i do now. i do not know why everyone invalidates my love for her purely because it is not sexual. i have no desire at all sexually for tammy.

even when she gets a man that will satisfy her lust, i will always be here to rescue (or try to) her from despair.

she knows exactly where we all stand. her mother wants her to get married, and she dislikes me because she says i am like a lizard with no "love" in me. she compares me to a lizard when she looks at my eyes. because i do not look in the direction she thinks my attention should be in, she is divorced from my mind and she is of the idea that i am like a reptile.

at this moment, tammy is here. i told her of the "kerfuffle" that was going on about her and me on this forum and she was not interested. she is snugly sleeping in a soft king size bed in a warm room heated by aircon.

i got her a rib eye steak and vegetables at the bistro and gave her $80 to play poker machines with tonight.

she lost it all. i will give her $50 to get home with (by cab) tomorrow morning. she will spend only $15 of it, and get out of the cab at the train station nearby and use cheap public transport to get the rest of the way home and save the rest of the money.

her father and mother brought here to my place tonight in their car. i had to pay her father $30 for bringing her here even though he was intending to come to this area anyway to go to a hardware shop.

when me and tammy got home to my place after being at the pub, i switched the computer bank on and was excited about all the things we could explore and she said she had a headache. i went to the service station and bought some panadol and came home and she took 2.
she felt no better after 3 minutes so she decided that she would go to bed.

well there you go. i have had no one to speak to for 2 weeks and now she is here and she just wants to to go bed straight away.

she is horny and i am not. she is not interested in anything much and i am interested in too many things for her.

she just wants me to turn the lights out at 9pm and do a romantic whatever with her.

i really have no idea.
but she will benefit from knowing me because all my money i am going to leave to her.

she has problems about having no friends and i feel sadly for her.
i have problems that are identical and she does not even know.

she thinks because i am smart, i can always find my way out of unhappiness.
so it matters not to her whether i am unhappy because she thinks i am "smart" enough to overcome all my impediments.

hmmm there is an imbalance. but i have gone to my bedroom and checked that tammy is ok about 8 times since she has gone to bed, and she is just so serenely happy in her warm slumber, and her face is showing a pleasurable expression, so i think that she is content enough at the moment.
i can not be her prince charming, but i can be the ground on which she chooses to tread.

she believes in me and in our 10 years together she never has seen any thing unexpected from me.


i would like some stimulating intellectual company but i will not trade tammy for it.

if she wants to go then she is free, but she is happy somehow with me and that is more powerful than any thought i can have.

i see none of the problems of most people in tammy. maybe i should say why i like her.
she does not gossip or require to bring other people down. she has no formed opinion about any person.

tammy never says anything she calculates to hurt.
she does not calculate at all and she talks from her true heart.

tammy is very innocent and i will never address anyone elses need above hers.

but i am still very alone in my intellectual world and i kind of would like someone to know who cares about what i do in the same way. but i really have no expectations.
----------------------
"string her along" you say.

i do not do that.
she is so comfortable and happy at the moment and i am glad i have provided her with a warm and comfortable place to sleep. i am also interesting to talk to if she has the energy but she does not.

is that stringing her along?

i seem to have a rather bad reputation here and whatever i say is construed as mal-whatever.

you are way more concerned than tammy who is dreaming about bees (as she said when i woke her accidentally before)

she feels no rip off or deficit from me in the 10 years we have been together.

i said honestly in my earlier post that i am alone in my intellectual life.
i am not as smart as some people here, but i have no witnesses at all to my minds creations, and certainly tammy has not the capacity to understand the complicated products of my minds efforts.

so i love her very much as a family member but i do not feel fulfilled by her.

i can not pretend that i do, and if i have to discard her because i do not want to have sex with her, then i will be obeying the laws of idiotic humans who are driven by their gonads.

love is not sexual attractiveness or child spawning ability.
it is caring truly about someone even if they do not see your identity.



tammy has woken up and i am now tiredish so i will go.


i hope i made sense but somehow i think when i wake up tomorrow i will have negative responses to my post.

g'night.

Single. Really not happy

b9 - thank you for elaborating; I realize now that I was guilty of jumping to apparently incorrect conclusions. It's not Tammy I'm worried for, anymore - it's you.

I apologize b9. I was asking for more information and I apolozige if it came off like I was blaming you, somehow. The heart wants what the heart wants. You are absoluetly correct, your life is your own and your relationship with another human being comforts and sustains you, and frankly, is none of my business.

I wish you (and Tammy) well.

Merle

is that sarcastic? i am not good at discerning sarcasm.
how can you switch positions so easily when you argued so strongly the opposite assertion before?

either your sense of grounding is very shakey and you have no solid anchor point, or you are trying to be too smart for me.

why worry about either me or her? what do you neurotically wonder is the case?

maybe it is just that you jump rapidly to conclusions. at first you saw me as a predator, and maybe now you see her as a user......but somehow i suspect you are playing with me and i think you are being sarcastic.

but i am sorry if you genuinely meant what you said in your previous post. i have never seen such a backflip that was not a deliberate ruse.

i am undecided and i am finished thinking about it.

no need to apologize. i can not perceive the value in apologies. you did what you did and that is a moment in time that is fast receding into the past.

i just thought the term "stringing her along" sounded not too complimentary so i was defensive.

i do nothing bad by tammy and she knows it and we are friends.

we are each others bastions in our storms of life. she has a hard life and so do i in a different way.

she does not understand me when i am mentally ebullient, and i lament that fact, but when i grow tired and want to lay down she is there to accept me into her arms and it is nice.

no need to apologize for questioning me.

No, I was definitely not being sarcastic; I was simply stating a viewpoint. I can see many sides of almost any discussion, b9. It's both a gift and a curse. I'm not "trying" to be anything - and certainly without any intent to insult you, at any rate. I don't "play" with people (I wouldn't know how); I state things as I interpret them. Sometimes, in doing so, I end up being unintentionally offensive. I don't think I'm behaving neurotically at all. I'm curious and intrigued about the situation, probably because I don't understand it, and it seems illogical to me. I'm like a detective; I enjoy the opportunity for investigation. I'm rather tired of this topic anyway, so I shan't be commenting further on your situation, if that makes you feel better.

well i was wrong then in not trusting you.
your latest post now convinces me you are not malicious.
i am sorry for being unkind to you.

your latest post seems like you are a bit hurt, and i will tell you that i have much magnification of trivialities in my mind and i am satisfied i was wrong.

sleep tight.

Single and loveing it. I can accept marrege, depending on the curcumstance.

Relationships. Some quite wonderful and some disastrous. My 4 and 1/2 year marriage was a disaster, but what can you expect from a 19 year old with the emotional maturity of 13? At 24, when my marriage ended, I felt certain I would not remarry and haven't. Although I would be open to it now. There have been boyfriends. Some nice. Some awful. People are either a great blessing in my life or more trouble than they're worth. Mostly they're trouble, and rarely have I been treated with the respect I currently demand. If people don't respect me, well, screw them. Of course I may have some deficit in that department as well. Most NTs seem pathetically shallow to me, and I find it difficult to believe they're for real.

I presently enjoy living alone very much, and am relatively happy....however....it would be better to share life with someone who genuinely cared for me, and I for them. Nothing on the horizon and not expecting to find anyone either. In the past 7 years, I've had only 4 friends and they're all gone.

One was a boyfriend I don't miss very much. But I do think about him more often than necessary. The most recent "friend" was only out to take what he could get, willing to give nothing. My heart has been hurt so many times, it has callouses. The boyfriend and I had only a few shared interests, but great chemistry while it lasted. He was very helpful before moving on to greener pastures and younger women. He used to say he loved me all the time and I recognized it as a manipulation tactic. After all, I wasn't born yesterday. I grew to hate all the phoney I love you's. That was one reason why, when he left, it was a bit of a relief. He smoked too, and I'm allergic to cigarette smoke. All in all, I was fine with his leaving.

My philosophy is make the most of every opportunity and don't be too bashful or life will pass you by. Be willing to take a few risks and meet people halfway. If someone ever genuinely loves you, try your damnedest to love them back. And if you can't love them, maybe they are willing to have you anyway. Don't throw the fish back in the ocean when it really loves you, unless you can't stand them at all. Don't expect much from people and be reluctant to cast them out of your heart, once they've taken up residence there.