People letting themselves go once in a relationship.

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CK:

Okay, so your friends' girlfriends apparently have lazy fat victim mentalities and have no excuse for it...



....aaand they're not worthy of respect.

Because they gained weight.

And you see nothing judgmental here in what you're saying about your friends' girlfriends. Nor anything, say, about the fact that you hadn't been invited either to judge their bodies or to judge their character by their bodies.

Slightly off to the side: Obesity's now a serious enough problem in American hospitals that I run into treatment problems because I'm not fat enough -- the machines, techniques, and furniture are now designed for an overweight-to-morbidly-obese population. (I actually had to skip a surgery because there wasn't a safe way to do it; I don't have much fat on my ribs, and the risk of puncturing a lung was too high.)

I started wondering why I'm not fat. I'm not actually skinny, just sort of athletic-normal and dead normal BMI-wise, but in the context of middle-aged adults, that makes me skinny. 70% of the population is fat, which makes me the weird one.

I'm not skinny because I exercise. Lots of people exercise, and I see lots of fat people at the gym. Some of them work out harder and longer than I do. Yeah, I used to be a warrior about it, but I don't have three-hour blocks for exercise anymore, and I don't work in gyms anymore either, long past the day of teaching back-to-back aerobics classes and then walking three miles home. (I was actually fatter then.) I probably spend 10-12 hours a day or so in front of screens. More on deadline.

I'm not skinny because my diet's so wonderful. My diet's actually kind of non-great. I love chocolate, eat it all the time. And cheese, and bread. I drink a fair amount of coffee and wine. I don't usually ever eat much at once, but I'm also quite small. Even so. Months can go by without my thinking of vegetables. I know fat people who eat far less than I do. I also know fat people who eat far more than I do.

I have no idea, in the end. My guesses: Mainly, I'm lucky. I'm also reasonably active; I don't usually eat entire meals; I'm oblivious to mealtimes, just nosh when hungry; I don't eat giant portions; I eat what I feel like eating.

Even so, my weight and fatness do fluctuate. Some is hormonal, some is obviously situational/stress-driven, and some? Who the hell knows. I'll put on three pounds by doing absolutely nothing different. And that'll hang around and refuse to budge for months, and then just as suddenly go away.

The fact is nobody knows why some people get fat and others don't. Nobody knows why you can gain 40 pounds during pregnancy and lose it, more or less, relatively easily, but if you gain 80 you're likely not only to keep the extra weight but keep gaining with each subsequent pregnancy. Yes, stuffing your face and not budging are likely to make you fat. But those aren't the only reasons why people get fat. That's why a friend of a friend just got $1.6 million to study just one aspect of the problem.

So if we can please now drop the following ideas:

1. Fat and/or unfit people are lazy disgusting slobs who don't care about their own bodies (unless medical issues are involved);
2. If you fall in love with someone and she gets fat, it's because she's tricked you.

Right now, I'm on food stamps and I'm on this great diet called "Can't Afford Food."

Not eating/barely eating leaves me weak, shaking, sweating, and unable to stand for long periods of time.

I can't comprehend "fasting" intentionally.[/quote]

mm.. something went wrong here, not my post.

Last edited by tarantella64 on 17 Aug 2014, 6:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Perhaps next time you see a shorthaired fatass with kids you should go up and ask her whether she intentionally let herself go to hell the minute she captured a man, and see what happens. My guess is she was dreaming all along of being a shorthaired fatass and that it has nothing to do with the fact that she's surrounded by kids she grew and pushed out herself, all of whom need something ever twelve seconds, or that she has to feed them all (and their friends) several times a day, take care of a house, maybe make money, do things for her family and her husband's, and be part of the social world that's necessary when you've got children. Oh and something about taking care of a husband.

As for the education levels...something I noticed on OKC a while back was that nearly everyone who came up as a high match was a maniac for bicycles and fitness, hiking and travel, that sort of thing. These were all highly-educated guys who made good money and weren't custodial parents if they were parents at all -- in other words, they were able to live like college seniors with a whopping lot of money. I found out pretty fast that a guy with money who spends a lot of time on his bike wants to talk about his bike and biking and fitness and long bike trips and kale and various fitness cults and zzzzzzz.

Very, very boring.

Nice muscles, if that's what you're after, but very, very boring. And kale. Why? It tastes terrible.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go to the gym, but I'm not going to tell you a damn thing about my fitness routine because it's not one bit interesting to anyone but me. I'm hoping to get out of the Foreigner rut I've been in, though.

Whenever I'm happy, I naturally lose weight. Whenever I'm stressed out and/or borderline depressed, I gain weight. It's rarely more than 10-15 lbs one way or the other, but it has absolutely nothing to do with what I eat or how much I exercise.

Tarantella, see if you can talk one of your science-y friends into getting a grant to study how to safely and effectively administer oxytocin to humans - apparently, in the natural form, it "fixes" a whole helluva lot of human ailments.

You mean criticizing people? I'm willing to bet, if I only mentioned men, I wouldn't have gotten the backlash. Also I posted the exact same topic on another site and no one there got an attitude. Also, you don't know my friend's girlfriend, I do. She's a heavy smoker, she has no clue about anything going on in the world, nor does she care. It was you in fact that brought the topic to females only. If you post something in this forum about men, that is criticizing most of the time there is no backlash. If you post something that could be viewed even remotely criticizing women(in general, or ones that make bad choices) there is a backlash within two minutes and last for days on end. I've seen the male members on this forum get bullied, while the female members constantly bring up topics about equal rights and equality, yet those same members bully the male members and try to make them feel shameful. A tactic, that does not work on me. I don't really get it. Do you just go on threads hoping to find any excuse you can to argue with a male members? It certainly appears that way. *Sits and waits for you to write five whole paragraphs on how I'm wrong according to you.* Also I even mentioned myself in the topic. I guess that just went over your head.

If anything, I'm healthier than I was when I was younger. I began taking better care of myself once I realized that I had thyroid issues. I swelled up from edema--it was very scary. Now, I'm out multiple times a week or exercising indoors.

If you want to criticize your own bod, that's your business. When you extend it to criticizing women's bods for not pleasing you, you've gone beyond that. You don't find fat sexy? That's cool. That's your preference. But you weren't content to leave it there; you had to ramble on about what miserable lousy people fat people are, and how they have obligations to their partners not to be fat if fat don't do it for the partner. Like, say, you.

Men in general do not face the kind of social penalties and harassment for being fat that women do unless they're morbidly obese. An unfortunate number of men seem to think they're entitled to holler at women on the street for being fat; to insult them and call them "fat pigs" and "cows"; to ignore the work they do and focus instead on "fuckability"; to have loud and long public discussions about how they wouldn't date a fat chick; to post and wear things that tear down women for the crime of being, to them (or at least to the personas they want to show their buddies), unattractive sexually because fat; lazy because fat; desperate for male attention and an easy f**k because fat; on, and on, and on.

We do not need that s**t here as well. Yes, if you start in with it, you're going to hear about it.

When you started talking about your friend's girlfriend (and why would you do this, anyway?) you weren't talking about what a ghastly human being she was. You were picking at her being fat. Why? What earthly concern is it of yours?

Nobody is here trying to shame you. What I am doing is refusing to let misogyny pass by unremarked. You don't want the remarks, don't post misogynistic things.

Again with the women have it harder rhetoric. As I said, that's all you focus on here. Also, yet again as stated earlier I have no sympathy for people who make themselves fat. Obviously that excludes pregnant women and people with health problems, both men and women. The original post was about an observation. Observing people, which you obviously view as misogynistic since I mentioned women, ignoring the fact I mentioned both sexes. Hell my buddy got fat when he got with his current girlfriend. Now are you going to talk bad about me for mentioning my MALE friend. Odds are you're not. You constantly preach all this rhetoric about how women have it harder than men. Sure they do in a lot of areas. However that's all you ever seem to focus on. Maybe you feel it's somehow your mission to chime in and put your two cents into every thread where a guy mentions anything about women.

P90X cost alot, as do other work out programs. don't know what those things are. whats a push up bar? I can't yet do regular pushups. If I can beat my adhd and keep on track i'll get back to being able to.

how does someone who can't do pull ups start towards pull up.s with pussh ups you can do wall ones or knee ones or do them off a bed or other surface. not sure how to move towards pull ups besides those special machines and they didn't really seem to help(though maybe it takes months.

maybe for you it takes that long. for me with ADHD i get distracted half way thru move to something else then get pulled away to do something for someone.

not everyone can pay bills online, not all companies allow it or have the ability to . i don't have a list or any idea of what I want to eat next week so i take a while in the store to get grocies, I have to balance it out cause only have 30 dollars a week, this means having to go all the way back to put something back sometimes.

you're like the guy who is " i can change my oil in 3 mins flat" cause he is good at it, but others could take forever or not even know how. i'm not good at being super organized.
I am beginning to realize just how much ADHD effects me, its not just that I get bored and have to constantly be doing things.

some people do. I don't I don't take pride in being able to run a mile in 10 mins or do 200 pushups. I just don't like sports or athletic stuff. only reason I have for wanting to work out is lose then maintain my weight at 240-250 pounds. my friend does enjoy working out and taking pride in the results. people are different you know.

i don't really get delivered pizza, can't do it on food stamps , nor would i . i can cost like $30 which is my whole week food budget. I get lasagna from the store which is $10 but only cause I can eat off it for 3-4 days before I grow sick of it . however to make real lasagna is 20 dollars or more.

protein power may be cheap as in cost to effective amount of protein, but when compared to other foods it cost alot. it also can't be bought on stamps, neither can any vitamins. which sucks cause I really need vitamins, like C for immune and others.

shortened it so it wouldn't be long posts.

was unaware such a large part of the population was fat. must be another case of the skinny extreme are more public. I always see skiny people on tv and dating sites. it doesn't feel that fat are the high number but that skiny is 90% of the population

some people are just that way. my friend can eat all he wants, sleep and lay on the couch all he wants. he doesn't gain wieght, the navy actually had to double his rations in boot camp, and they had him eat lots and lots of fast food and high cal stuff pre join to attempt to get his weight up. I have to watch what I eat though. I suppose I must not be too bad as I could be a whole lot bigger then I am. i've seen and meet giant people. I would rather die then get that big. its a source of anxiety and some depression.

i don't want to be skiny and can't due to my ribs. but I think reaching 240 is a good area for me. another problem is I hate to throw food out it seems wasteful, but then left overs pile up. my family cooks alot and eats alot. it sucks when we get deserts cause I don't get my fair share simiply cause I can't eat them fast enough. where they will eat 12 cookies a day I limit myself to 2, unless depresed then I can binge on them if they are too close. so I try not to keep food in my room.

I tend to get hungry quite a lot. I don't know why. but over eating calories is not a option.



there are lots of women in my area like this. once I see it I know we won't work out though they won't want a fat ugly guy anyways.
I in the past enjoyed bike rides, but i wasn't fast or intense about it. its all they want to do or talk about . my friend is/was super into working out and stuff. it was all he talked about for a long time. so irritating and boring.



how so, cause you don't see it?

fat men get harrassed by women and men quite alot. they are made fun of. they are compared to athlets and super models.
people roll their windows down and yell at them. has a girl every be made or asked to do the truffle shuffle? if anything its more social acceptable to make fun of fat guys.

I see tons and tons of women saying they won't date a fat guy how he isn't f***able, and so on. the other stuff also goes both ways.

theres just a general hatred against fat people.

I have found fat women quite sexy. unless we are talking the super obese ones. there is also a trend on okc of women who identify as fat, but are skiny. thin seems to be bones showing, fat is thin, bbw is obese and obese is super abese.
why those thin women feel fat I don't know. but it shifts the whole scale on how the others seemt o judge themselves. I don't want the bony underwieght woman. now if its a medical issue(some women are just that way) fine I mean its not comfortable for cuddles, but I care more about who they are then their body. but i don't care for the ones who starve so they can have that build.

I would have to become bony to be 211 pounds. I refuse to do that just cause its considered attractive to the popular people.

on a side subject i am little bit jealous of people who can eat vegies. I am limited to green beans, potatoes, corn, and peas. as for fruits, its bananas, grapes and apples. I hardly get fruit due to flies. its also a bit expensive.

Yeah, sly, it's become quite a problem. Last I was paying attention to these things, something like 25-30% of US adults were obese (BMI > 30). In hospitals a third (I think) of the patients are morbidly obese, so they're having to retrofit wards with wider & sturdier beds, buy heavy-duty operating tables, wider ambulances, everything. A problem too because sometimes nurses will refuse to work with very heavy patients, don't want to hurt themselves trying to move the patient. And the bad thing is that apparently once you're very fat, it's extremely hard to lose weight and keep it off, even if you're on a restricted diet. Your metabolism changes.

Kurgan asked about how facebook is useful to insurance agents and people in a bunch of other professions. Answer is the same as for anyone else - it's a way of networking, connecting with people who have helpful information, and friendships make it more likely that people will share. Plus when you talk you have a clearer idea of what's going on in people's lives and if they mention something helpful to you, you can say Oh I was looking for something like that on a project, can you hook me up with that person? And they will. Or it can be even more casual -- I had a huge number of airline miles racked up, decided I'd go to Paris, had no money for a hotel, didnt know anyone there. So I just tossed it out on fb: Anybody know someone I could stay with in Paris? Within a few hours I had an offer of a place to stay, nice couple. Or let's say you need to go to a city you don't know on business: Anyone have a restaurant recommendation? What's the better airport, are there things to avoid? Or you've got friends who don't know each other but should, work on similar things or have similar interests: bam, introduced. I found my daughter's summer camp through a fb acquaintance, share project news that way, let people know when I'm looking for new opportunities. Linkedin's less cosy, but similar importance for networking, finding jobs, connecting people who ought to know each other.

I see other people staying in contact with college friends who're in the area, and they're also business connections of one kind or another. So I'll see messages like "Will be at Grand Central way too early in the morning, anyone up for a 7 am breakfast? It's your chance to see me in a suit," and that sort of thing. It helps them maintain those connections.

Plus it's just amusing and helps you through the day as you're working, bit of chat and a laugh here and there, and sometimes someone will post news you've missed because you're actually quite busy and had your head down. It can get quite personal and enriching, too. A longtime businessy/friend person reached out one day in chat to tell me she was pregnant and worried, because her husband didn't want another child. For some reason she felt safe talking to me about this, so we talked a while and by the end she was feeling confident and happy, and she went off and told him, and that baby's walking now. I thought the whole thing was very sweet, and I'll always feel honored that she chose me to talk to about it.

Oh, and about P90X. I do P90X, have done for years, though don't do it religiously anymore as it got a bit dull. Still one of the best video workout series I've ever seen. However, it's not something you can do with young children underfoot, and you do need a baseline level of fitness that's frankly more than most people have, otherwise it'll wipe you completely in the first 20 minutes and you've a good chance of hurting yourself. And I don't think the diet part's reasonable for women, it's a huuuuge amount of food. The diet's meant for muscleheads.

It's also not cheap. I bought my DVDs on ebay and they still weren't cheap, and I think the bar cost a pretty penny too. It's quite good, I like the design, and it works. But you do need a certain amount of time, money, and freedom from other obligations (like childcare) to do it.

It's also...you know, we haven't talked about this. There are a lot of guys who get really tetchy if their women get fit, particularly if the women lift and get muscles. And they'll say miserable things and make the woman feel bad about it, discourage the woman from doing it, or make fun of her for doing it. Or complain that she feels/looks like a man and is now undesirable. That's why if you're with a guy who's like that and you really want to stay fit, it's often easier (assuming you have the money) to go to a gym. You might still face complaints and rudeness at home, but you won't be bothered while you're actually trying to work out.

Sorry, still catching up. Sly, about ways to stay in shape when you don't have much money, assuming your neighborhood's safe:

1. Stairs. Stairs are your friend. If you find a set of stairs you have an exercise machine. Just start walking up and down them -- not every day or you'll injure yourself -- for ten minutes at a time, and work up to half an hour, and when you're there do 5 minutes jogging up & down stairs, 5 minutes walking till you've done your 30. You can also put heavy things in a backpack to add to the difficulty.

2. Weights can be expensive, but if there's a secondhand sporting-goods shop near you, you might be able to get 3 sets of hand weights -- something that feels to you light, a bit of an effort, and rather heavy -- and do a lot with them.

3. Pull-up bar assists: Put a chair under the bar and keep one foot on the chair, one foot dangling. It'll take some of the weight off and let you build upper-body strength.

4. Assistance with gym memberships: depending on where you live, you might be able to get your membership subsidized. A lot of states have incentives now for working out, so if you call your state health/welfare department, they can tell you about any weight-loss/fitness incentive programs they've got. Should be on their websites, too.

5. Push-ups: do them on your knees, and just do as many as you can. If it's not a lot that's fine, just keep doing them every couple of days. After you've built up some strength, try regular push-ups.

6. If you live near any parks, see if any of them have fitness/parcourse trails.

7. Garage sales. People often try to get rid of exercise equipment really cheap. I got a nordictrack at a garage sale for $20 -- excellent exercise but loud, so not suitable for an apartment unless you're on the ground floor.

8. Make up lists of exercises for yourself with a checkbox: today I'm going to [do these six calisthenic exercises, walk for 45 minutes, come back and do 8 pull-ups with a chair assist]. Or whatever. And then just follow your own instructions.

How's that to begin with?