Women possibly ARE interested, but you can't see it?

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Nope.

It's often this scenario rather than missing signs.

I am polyamorous, but not in the dating / courtship phase. Thus, even if I can have multiple attachments,. I'm not able to date or be in the contact phase with more than one at a time.

Aww, how cute.....

You queue them .

But that is not an issue of signals. It's a different issue. Once you analyse things you realize things you didn't understand as it was happening. If you didn't see the signals from the start, you would not be able to analyze them and come to this conclusion later.

So, this still happens to me, and that's regardless if it's neurodiverse girls which I read easily, or neurotypical.

As a good example from my teens, there was a girl that probably flirted with me (but I didn't notice), and then she became bolder and one day she asked me for a lift. Sure, I drove her home and let her off. In retrospect, that was not what she wanted, but that was what she answered as I asked her. That was a typical example of understanding things long after they happened.

Not really. This is a late finding, so I'm content with being married + having an imaginary gf.

You must not be an aspie then.

For the record, I'm only borderline myself, and I wouldn't be able to tell if a woman liked me.

But I can sure tell when they don't.

Hopefully people who have been in this situation don't complain that nobody likes them though

Just another thought...maybe people don't see the right signs. In a lot of relationship books there are lists of signs which men and women supposedly use when they're in front of someone they really like (hair tossing, etc). I haven't seen any of them even when people have supposedly been hitting on me.

The people you addressing are usually at the other end of the situation.

Or more particulary they had no admirer.

I know that I have missed hundreds of opportunities. I did not know women were interested when I was younger. Now I understand when a woman is interested. However, I don't know what to do if a woman is interested, so I do nothing.

I treat women the same whether I am attracted to them or not. I don't flirt with them unless they literally come out and say "I am attracted to you" or "would you like to go out sometime?" So far I have only had one experience where the person I liked said those words. She was flirting with me but I didn't know how she felt or how deep her feelings were until she said the magic words. I know that people aren't accustomed to interacting like this but I really need that level of interaction or I won't take action because I don't like to approach women if I am not sure that they want me to approach them.

Before I learned to read the signals (which was basically my entire life until I got close to the age of 30), I would have told you that no one is attracted to me. I think people with AS don't understand NT behavior unless someone explains it to them or they have had hundreds or thousands of experiences that teach them how the system works.

After 30 years of experience, my social understanding is basic. However my ability to act appropriately even though I understand the social cues is way below basic. I am like someone who understands a foreign language well enough to comprehend what people are saying but is not fluent enough to be able to respond in that foreign language.

I think NT people naturally pick up what people mean because of empathy (they speak the same language, similar things motivate similar behaviors). For me, I act totally different than most people and so an action that I take does not mean the same thing that an action a normal person takes.

I have a perfect example. I only flirt with women I have really deep feelings for. Other people are a lot more casual about flirting, so if I flirt with someone they might not get the idea, "This guy is madly in love with me." They might interpret it as, "This guy is interested in me but it is no big deal." Why would they interpret it that way? Because they are used to guys flirting with them casually. They don't know my background and that I only flirt in situations where I have really strong feelings for the person. They interpret my behaviors as what they are used to, what NT guys normally do. When I am communicating, I am like a bullet going straight for the target. Most people are indirect in communication like a boomerang curving around to intercept the target. This indirectness and the reasons behind being so indirect are what causes all the confusion.

I think this miscommunication (due to lack of empathy on both parts) is a huge barrier to aspies developing relationships on a deeper level. People don't usually form relationships with people who make them feel awkward. Not being able to read each other makes people feel awkward. However, if a person is willing to persevere through all of the awkwardness, that person likely has really strong feelings for us. That person's devotion to us should not be underestimated.

missing out on what? o.O

catch up? I likely wouldn't suggest a ?raincheck? like if i was going go to a event and got sicked. its a one time event so how would I raincheck that? o.O
how did you phrase the invite? was it we should go to this together? or hey theres this cool ___ happening on _____. or do you want to go to ____ with me

the last is clear, the 1st is kinda clear the 2nd is more like just letting me know something. like if someone was like hey did you know june 6 is dday. just comes across as information not a request.

a lady at the pizza place not the lady my sister is trying to help me get with, was all asking my sister if I was her bf and stuff. Idk that I would see this as interest buy perhaps just curiousness.

saying you enjoy company is flirting? how does one tell the difference between that and a friend enjoying each others company?

for me telling compliments to a non romantic partner woman is bad. they might see it as harassment and get mad. I don't have any women friends though. but when i did they didn't like compliments.
maybe he wasn't interested.

idk how i'd show interes, though if you know me. me trying to hang out with a woman would mean i see them as romantic interest. I don't hang out with women as just friends. I looked at the lady at the pizza place a bunch the other day I am afriad I came off as creepy instead of flirty. I don't know how to flirt. shes pretty and so i shyly glanced at her a bunch.

I don't analyse wording and specifics in the same way that you and many people on this site do. If someone of the opposite sex is inviting me to hang out one-on-one, I'm going to assume* he is romantically interested unless I have reason to assume otherwise. I guess it's silly of me to expect this to work the other way around (though it usually does).

*or just ask. I've done that a number of times. The answer is always "yes, I meant as a date".

well when you go to things with people that they never meant to invite you to because they just meant to share something cool that was going happen in their life, you learn to try to differentiate things.

for me asking some one on a date is very straightforward. me to woman i'll ask if they want to go on a walk or go to a movie etc. I won't say that theres a move i like coming out soon. but perhaps that's the difference between a woman trying to get a guy to ask her out and a guy trying to ask a girl out. the first needs to give hints.

also i suppose guys don't tend to be interested in one on one male female friendships, but to us guys girls are far more likely to be interested in just a friendship get together. so assuming that every time a woman invites you to something is a date can end very wrong.

again its easier for a woman to just ask if it's a date. if a guy does that it says that he "lacks confidence" we are expected to either know it is or it isn't a date. If I ask I know appear unconfident and ruined the moment.

never been invented out by a non friendship woman, so I don't have any experience of being out on a date that way. all my dates were women i met on dating sites with the only intent of being romantic.

its okcupid not okfriendship lol

Really? I've been told I'm brave for doing it. I just wanna know. Keep it simple and straightforward. This isn't in person though, I can't recall ever being asked out in person so I don't know what I would do.[/quote]

you're a woman though. men seem to be far less concerned with confidence then women are. most women list men having to have confidence in what makes a man a good catch. so I can see how it would seem brave if a woman does it but unconfident if a guy does it. though its assumed the guy asks the woman out in most cases which just adds to it.

I really don't' like confidence. its so depressing. leave me not knowing what the hell is going on and fearing being accused of harassment all in the name of appearing confident. I don't get why those women can't just accept that men are humans too not robots that always know with 100% what is happening and going happen.

asking= lacks confidence
not asking when not wanted=harassment.
doesn't seem to be any winning.

also I'd like your input in this thread if you could
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postp6324125.html#6324125