The line between confidence and arrogance

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Ever heard of the expression "meaning what you say, and saying what you mean?"

Confidence is being able to convey that you have strong opinions about things, but that you are willing to listen to other opinions. You don't argue vociferously for your "own way." You maintain your cool at all times.

I guarantee it: people will forget how tall you are if you appear to be a person who is confident in himself. This means good posture, but not "great" posture. Wearing clean clothes not too far out of style, but not too much "in style," either.

The WORST thing you can do on a date with a girl is to boo-hoo about how short people have trouble getting dates, and that you have the statistics to prove it. This girl will run away from you like nobody's business. I guarantee it.

In my entire life so far, other than the two friends, I have only met one young woman who smothered me with her knowledge in scientific areas, I estimated she read like about 40 scientific books in one year (even those who are majored in some scientific field are usually very narrow only in this field) - it was a memorable first date with her, one of her kind.

Too bad tho....she was gold digger, asking me bluntly how much my salary when I was talking about my work - and I was too naive back then so I did answer and she didn't like the amount, and I didn't hear from her for long, in fact...I didn't initiate any contact with her after that because of this salary question.

Then years later, I had a little chat with her on fb congratulating her for engagement , and soon enough she did complain to me about her fiancé's salary , I recall he's an army officer and she expected he would rank up faster but he didn't, and she was wondering whether to stay with him or not, I didn't chat with her ever since nor I care what happened.

She didn't change, not a bit.

I was saved.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 14 Aug 2016, 2:47 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I agree on that part but...

...not on this:


No, they don't forget, they will always see it, and the girl who is taller and not willing to go for shorter, will not change her standard.

yep, there you go. she smothered you with knowledge. even if to you it may have been amusing, she didn't really think or care to include you. it was one-directional. unless she showed you signs of thinking/caring to include you some other way, that's a red flag. in that situation, i would try to see how the person would react to a little bit of humorous belittling (making a joke about something they're clearly not good at. something i'm not good at either, or else it may come across as being defensive and competitive)

I'd rather have a woman smother me with knowledge than smother me with perfume.

i'll have to agree with that. it's hard for anyone to "smother" me with knowledge anyway, unless it's really narrow and specific and uninteresting. there's always some detail that i'll understand and that i'll know something related to it myself. something that the other person probably doesn't know about, because i like to learn about random obscure facts with no direct applications and, especially, obscure connections that make those obscure facts useful somehow

this much i won't say is something that can be learned though. it's only a blessing-and-curse of my own. it facilitates conversation with strangers but it makes a lot of other things difficult. because i'm just as bad at "thinking in the box" as i am good at "thinking outside the box", and the former is often necessary

Sounds like you are talking about a completely different thing more similar to the observation game I usually refer to. That's not the type of confidence NT girls desire from potential mates. They want a guy that is secure and that can involve in rapid conversation. They shun the shy guy both because he rarely dares to initiate and because he will not successfully engage in rapid conversation.

That's only amongst certain types of girls who frequent bars, and who tend to like witty types.

Most girls like guys with a "quiet confidence." Who are not too wild with their opinions, and who seem stable mentally.

Girls get scared of guys who get upset easily, though some will feel a desire to "fix" the guy.

Not really, it wasn't one-directional, it was two-sides long conversations.

well it's a little misleading then if you use the word "smothering". freudian slip or just hyperbole? (i don't mean to be confrontational btw. i mean it as a real question to think about. it's not always easy to know what you find "purely pleasant" and what actually brings a significant component of uneasiness along with it)

By 'smothered' I meant that I was largely impressed. In the whole context of my post it was clearly something positive.

Jeez.

There's something in common you, HighLlama and Hopper have btw, you three try too hard to psychoanalyze posts.

Are you guys some sort of an armchair psychology club?

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 14 Aug 2016, 4:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.

blessing and a curse, my friend. a club it is not

if i lack a second eye, i need to rely on my third one

Last edited by anagram on 14 Aug 2016, 5:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I am not entirely sure of the blessing part.

well, naturally. because it's annoying to you

That's why you love it.

I like some aspects of Freudian theory....but he overemphasized the sexual aspect of things.

His round table discussions would have been greater had he got along with people like Jung and Adler.

Freud was too much of a dogmatist.