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The Psychological Effects Of Being 'Forever Alone'

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The Grand Inquisitor
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22 Apr 2018, 10:58 pm

Chronos wrote:
yellowtamarin wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Am I the only one who's currently in relationship yet totally understands what is like to be forever alone?

How can you understand? You've never been forever alone. Because you're life is still going and you did find someone. Therefore if you did have the belief that you would be forever alone, it was shattered. (At least I presume you don't still hold the belief. If you do that's a different issue.)

Just as nobody posting here is forever alone (yet). They can only feel or believe that they will be. And just like you were, they might be wrong.

I personally have never met anyone who I was convinced could never find anybody.


He was alone until the point that he wasn't. That being said, the label of "forever alone" can really only be assigned after someone dies.

In a strictly literal sense, sure, but that's not how it's used and how it's understood when used.



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22 Apr 2018, 10:59 pm

Marknis wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Marknis wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Chronos wrote:
Personally though, my issue is that I'm just too different and my match probabilities are very low because of that. While it can be very upsetting at times, I think I weather this better than many here because I don't externalize my relationship obstacles. That is, I don't blame society for not being compatible with me, or those who I would like to date, and who do not want to date me, for not wanting to date me. I accept that I'm different due to having an ASD and that this is the primary source of my dating woes.

I don't blame society or people I'm interested in for my dating woes either. I don't think other people should change to accommodate me when I'm the one with the problem and they're not. I've long recognised that I need to make changes before it's reasonable for me to expect the results I want. Making those changes is proving to be very difficult though.


Especially when you keep trying things that others insist work every time but the results you get are always negative. I exercised like crazy but my body wouldn't respond to my efforts.

You probably would have gotten closer to the results you wanted if you did some dieting as well. For your body to start losing weight, you need to burn more calories than you're taking in, and if you're still eating a lot of high-calorie fatty foods, you may be offsetting your progress in the gym.

What kinds of exercises were you doing? Certain exercises are going to help more with weight loss where others are more for toning and strengthening muscles. If you were lifting weights, doing deadlifts and things like that while consuming a lot of calories, you probably wouldn't lose weight.

On the other hand, if you're focusing on things like cardio, running, that sort of thing and counting calories and eating better, you would get much better weight loss results. Nothing against you but I find it hard to believe that your body defies the general rule that if you consume less calories than you burn, you WILL lose weight.


I did both weight lifting and cardio.
I had conflicting advice on doing the weight lifting, though. Some would tell me to lift only every other day while others said I had to do it everyday or my muscle tone would fade. It also felt like I either was lifting under the required amount or I was trying to lift too much.

The cardio I did was mostly the elliptical but I later learned those machines are really only for those who have weak joints or are elderly. It would make me sweat but I didn't feel any fat breaking down and my muscles didn't feel any lactic burn.


Marknis, this is not how the body works. Your body only has one reason to start tapping into your fat stores, and that is if it's in an energy deficit. There's no need to exercise like hell, it's a waste of time(for fat loss purposes anyways)

If you want to build some muscle, 3 x 45 minutes a week is enough to get great results. Those results will depend on your diet though.



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22 Apr 2018, 11:18 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Am I the only one who's currently in relationship yet totally understands what is like to be forever alone?

No. You're not the only one.


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22 Apr 2018, 11:39 pm

RetroGamer87 wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Am I the only one who's currently in relationship yet totally understands what is like to be forever alone?

No. You're not the only one.


Some of the experiences you two have given out don't seem like "forever alone" experiences to me. To say I'm envious of both of you would be quite the understatement. No hard feelings, but I don't feel like you two really can understand that. At the very least, you've both found, admittedly rarely, women who've found you really attractive.



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23 Apr 2018, 1:01 am

Ecomatt91 wrote:
It seems more Aspie females are in relationships and married than Aspie males. I never met Aspie males are married in current generation. Mostly are older like 40+ who are diagnosed later.

It seems there huge stigma for those who diagnosed younger age exposed to humiliation and prejudice.

There are two married aspie males at my work who are both younger than you.


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23 Apr 2018, 1:02 am

Sabreclaw wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Am I the only one who's currently in relationship yet totally understands what is like to be forever alone?

No. You're not the only one.


Some of the experiences you two have given out don't seem like "forever alone" experiences to me. To say I'm envious of both of you would be quite the understatement. No hard feelings, but I don't feel like you two really can understand that. At the very least, you've both found, admittedly rarely, women who've found you really attractive.

But boo said he was chronically single until 30. That to me would constitute understanding



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23 Apr 2018, 1:07 am

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Sabreclaw wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Am I the only one who's currently in relationship yet totally understands what is like to be forever alone?

No. You're not the only one.


Some of the experiences you two have given out don't seem like "forever alone" experiences to me. To say I'm envious of both of you would be quite the understatement. No hard feelings, but I don't feel like you two really can understand that. At the very least, you've both found, admittedly rarely, women who've found you really attractive.

But boo said he was chronically single until 30. That to me would constitute understanding

Yes but Sabreclaw is 118. How many years can he have left? :P


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23 Apr 2018, 1:09 am

RetroGamer87 wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Sabreclaw wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Am I the only one who's currently in relationship yet totally understands what is like to be forever alone?

No. You're not the only one.


Some of the experiences you two have given out don't seem like "forever alone" experiences to me. To say I'm envious of both of you would be quite the understatement. No hard feelings, but I don't feel like you two really can understand that. At the very least, you've both found, admittedly rarely, women who've found you really attractive.

But boo said he was chronically single until 30. That to me would constitute understanding

Yes but Sabreclaw is 118. How many years can he have left? :P

Haha, I remember when Sabreclaw had his real age up and he's about the same age as me.



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23 Apr 2018, 1:12 am

You don't have to be forever alone. Anyone can get a relationship so long as they have two things. The confidence to ask girls out and a good career.

I was very shy in my teens and early 20s so I didn't ask a single girl out. Even a couple of times when girls asked me out I rejected them due to shyness. You know how many dates I went on? Zero. You have to overcome shyness and ask a girl out to get a date.

The other thing is career. I'm not handsome by any means but the level of interest I got on dating sites went up drastically after I got a good job. Before that I went on only a few dates per year. Girls like a man with a stable income and that's not going to change.


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23 Apr 2018, 1:15 am

A third thing you need is to be happy in your own skin, happy with your life.

I've been very depressed in the past but in the weeks before I met my current girlfriend I started to really enjoy being single and became a bit more social.

I think this gave me the happiness and confidence I needed when I started dating my current girlfriend. Otherwise she would have rejected me as a gloomy gus.

So you're single now? Enjoy it! Socialise platonically. You are more free than people in relationships. You can do what you want, when you want. You can have any sort of fun you want, either alone or with friends.


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23 Apr 2018, 1:26 am

RetroGamer87 wrote:
You don't have to be forever alone. Anyone can get a relationship so long as they have two things. The confidence to ask girls out and a good career.
.



You're pouring salt to the wounds of many guys here, you know.



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23 Apr 2018, 1:33 am

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Sabreclaw wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Am I the only one who's currently in relationship yet totally understands what is like to be forever alone?

No. You're not the only one.


Some of the experiences you two have given out don't seem like "forever alone" experiences to me. To say I'm envious of both of you would be quite the understatement. No hard feelings, but I don't feel like you two really can understand that. At the very least, you've both found, admittedly rarely, women who've found you really attractive.

But boo said he was chronically single until 30. That to me would constitute understanding



I definitely can related to forever alones, in fact I still relate to the them more than those who always got relationships easily.



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23 Apr 2018, 1:35 am

Chronos wrote:
yellowtamarin wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Am I the only one who's currently in relationship yet totally understands what is like to be forever alone?

How can you understand? You've never been forever alone. Because you're life is still going and you did find someone. Therefore if you did have the belief that you would be forever alone, it was shattered. (At least I presume you don't still hold the belief. If you do that's a different issue.)

Just as nobody posting here is forever alone (yet). They can only feel or believe that they will be. And just like you were, they might be wrong.

I personally have never met anyone who I was convinced could never find anybody.


He was alone until the point that he wasn't. That being said, the label of "forever alone" can really only be assigned after someone dies.



A 'chronically single' may be a more accurate term - you people are taking the meaning of Forever alone literally.



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23 Apr 2018, 1:55 am

RetroGamer87 wrote:
A third thing you need is to be happy in your own skin, happy with your life.

I've been very depressed in the past but in the weeks before I met my current girlfriend I started to really enjoy being single and became a bit more social.

I think this gave me the happiness and confidence I needed when I started dating my current girlfriend. Otherwise she would have rejected me as a gloomy gus.

So you're single now? Enjoy it! Socialise platonically. You are more free than people in relationships. You can do what you want, when you want. You can have any sort of fun you want, either alone or with friends.


Most normal "single" people have active sexual lives, so they don't have to spend every day feeling like they're ugly and worthless because they already know they're good enough for others. We can't just magic confidence out of thin air when everything we've ever experienced showed us there's nothing to be confident about.



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23 Apr 2018, 1:57 am

Sabreclaw wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
A third thing you need is to be happy in your own skin, happy with your life.

I've been very depressed in the past but in the weeks before I met my current girlfriend I started to really enjoy being single and became a bit more social.

I think this gave me the happiness and confidence I needed when I started dating my current girlfriend. Otherwise she would have rejected me as a gloomy gus.

So you're single now? Enjoy it! Socialise platonically. You are more free than people in relationships. You can do what you want, when you want. You can have any sort of fun you want, either alone or with friends.


Most normal "single" people have active sexual lives, so they don't have to spend every day feeling like they're ugly and worthless because they already know they're good enough for others. We can't just magic confidence out of thin air when everything we've ever experienced showed us there's nothing to be confident about.


A lot of single people are single by choice. They still have lots of sex. Probably why tinder is such a popular app.
Wish I was single by choice it’d mean I could have a gf in mins if I wanted. That must be nice



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23 Apr 2018, 1:58 am

I now see this thread a trap to lure lonely single men in and bash them so I’m out