Even medicine isn't helping me

Post Reply New Topic

Hmm, maybe. I suppose there are some religious extremists out there who will only have sex with people of their own faith. I guess that's just part of their "type." I have a "type," but religion isn't a factor whatsoever. I don't know if I know the religion, or lack of, of ANYONE I've ever hooked up with, so it seems like a brush off type of little white lie to me to use that as an excuse. BUT, like you say, you live in the vile belt, soooooooo... maybe.

Christianity begins with the understanding that EVERYONE without exception is broken and in need of God’s grace. No one is perfect. Salvation does not promise any instantaneous transformation beyond the state of the soul. We Christians are works in progress in continuous need of forgiveness and mercy from God and others.

The sexual purity thing... Yes, I believe that’s important. But I think that, the way society upholds materialism, trying to wait for marriage when the younger years really are the best to enjoy sex and start a family is unfair and near impossible. It’s unreasonable to expect kids to stay pure for more than 1/4 of their lives. I’m not saying that excuses their behavior. I’m saying we are just as responsible if our behaviors and hypocrisy are causing them to sin.

The Bible does NOT make a big deal about it. Not like THAT. It’s not an instant death sentence or source of shame. The Old Testament urges young people having sex to get married. A betrothed woman could be put to death along with her lover at her fiancé’s discretion. However, one could privately let her out of the arrangement and allow her to marry the man she loves. And there are any number of regulations for all sorts of things, including many things that could go wrong and how to fix it.

In other words, sex outside marriage is NOT this cataclysmic event SOME Christians make it out to be. Sexual assault and cheating spouses or engaged are on the extreme of what would merit the severest punishment with regard to heterosexual relations.

The kinds of Christian girls Marnis describes fall into two categories: Those who sincerely believe but have fallen into patterns of sinful sexual behavior for the reasons I’ve just mentioned, and those girls who are only nominally Christian. It’s between you and God whether you’re destined for heaven, so I’m not going to assume the latter. WRT the former, just remember that I said we are all works in progress. Be slow to judge and be FAIR when you DO judge, and always make sure that your perspective is clear before you try to correct people on things that are ultimately and eternally unimportant.

Only being with other Christians: Well, relationships stand a better chance at success when two people are on the same page wrt religion. Doesn’t mean you have to follow the same religion or both follow any religion. Just means you understand what religion means to each other and you have a plan to resolve potential friction that may happen. Of course, if you both follow the same religion, this makes it easier. When we got married, my wife was insistent that I take the spiritual reigns of the family. We also come from separate traditions, something I’d worried about but ended up practically resolved itself.

Anyway...don’t be too hard on Christians. We need all the help we can get, just like everyone else.

I'm a baptized Roman Catholic and Godfather to several children.. and while this isn't your weirdest or vilest religious post, by leaps and bounds, when you spew your indoctrinated dogmatic religious venom, this is the image that comes to mind:

I think the types of Christians Mark is surrounded by are what I call cultural Christians. They don't actually believe anything in the bible, I would guess most of them have never actually opened one up and read it cover to cover, they don't actually know what it says other than what they've heard at the occasional sermon, but it's part of their upbringing and it's something they do to identify with each other and their world. It's a tribal thing. If you are outside of their tribe, you're not to be trusted. I mean, I get that. I'm a very liberal atheist who basically grew up in a conservative area of the midwest. But you can't change others, you can only change yourself, or in this case your surroundings.

That said, I don't know how many times it has been suggested to him to maybe make some major life changes to move away from his family and his town. A change of scenery would probably do him a lot of good rather than just complaining about something he ultimately can't change.

Well said. I prefer the term “nominal Christian” to cultural Christian, but, indeed, part of it is cultural. Where we live, Christianity is just assumed because it’s the predominant worldview here. I’ve lived in places where the culture was predominantly neutral and what I found was that avid churchgoers were in the minority.

It’s not because I’m Christian, but if you feel stuck I just say “bloom where you’re planted.” I’ve had some non-relational struggles that have made a bit more eager to get out of here. But as typically happens things have worked out and it looks as though I’m stuck here.

When dealing with being yourself a minority, I’ve found the best way to handle differences is to keep it out of the conversation. “What denomination are you?” “Oh, I, um...I don’t really do church.” “Oh? Why not?” “It’s...um...well, it’s complicated. Hey, do you like ice cream?”

I’ve found non-believers to be more friendly and accepting. Like, I’ve heard conversations where they’d be stuck on something and they’re like, “hey, aren’t you a Baptist? What do you think about...?” And we had great conversations and nobody got offended. I enjoy that kind of thing. But consevative evangelicals like me often do get offended and don’t enjoy discussing it among skeptics.

They do believe in God and Jesus but they treat their beliefs more like being on a football team where they hope they will win the game. They think as long as they cheer and shout for Jesus that they can keep drinking until they pass out, smoke until their nostrils burn, punch others in the face, and have pre-marital sex as much as they want. It's only when LGBT people and people of different faiths or lack thereof want to be treated equally that they'll take an arbitrary moral high ground. They only take their beliefs seriously when something inconveniences them. They also selectively quote the bible in that they will stand by verses that fit their world view but deny or ignore verses that conflict with it such as how Christianity and Islam have parallel verses when it comes to killing non-believers and treating women as property.

They aren't interested in spreading Christ's love. They just want to be members of the Jesus fan club.

Last edited by Marknis on 20 May 2018, 12:58 am, edited 1 time in total.

Wow.

I'm beginning to understand more & more why you can't f*****g stand these people.

If I could show you one place a ~25min drive away from where I live it would be No. 5 Rd near Steveston Hwy in Richmond, BC. There's a few mile stretch of road that has Churches & Temples from ~every major religion in the world. I've been to many of them, but not all. The most ornate, serene, and beautiful overall is one of the two Buddhist Temples there. There's a Muslim Mosque, a Christian Church or two or three, a Sikh Temple, a Synagogue and maybe some others I'm forgetting. If you hop on over to google maps and search for Church or Temple on No. 5 Rd in Richmond, BC, Canada, you'll be able to check out the street view and perhaps even be able to click and drag and "walk," down the street and have a look for yourself. Every major faith (and a lot of others ones) is represented here in the Vancouver area, and this street in particular has all the major faiths doing their thing in harmony side by side - all faiths, all races etc. People who think that these things do not & cannot happen anywhere in the world clearly have never been here.

Move to Austin.

He can’t.

I've wanted to but my finances, lack of job training, and limited social network limit me. My mother constantly pumps out money for my siblings but refuses to do so for me.

My guess is because it’s that she doesn’t think money will solve your problems and that you require her presence and support more than you accept.

No, it's more that she is a super control freak and refuses to let me be an individual. She just wants me to be a mindless robot and work at the library until I die.

Somehow I doubt that’s what she wants for you. People don’t want good things for the rest of their kids and choose one they want to be miserable.

Are you not able to complete your college degree, which would lead to being able to get a better paying job, which would then lead to being able to move away?

You have to start somewhere.

Are you able to get back into college or some sort of trade training?

Get back into college and complete it.

You spend way too much time focused on things you think you have failed. You haven't written music, you haven't played in band, etc.

You need to complete something for your own sake and to get out of this cycle of learned helplessness. Get started now so you can get into fall classes.

I first went to college at the beginning of 2008 but because I didn't perform well on the math portion of the accuplacer test I had to take a mandatory math course and only one other course that was different because my work schedule was right in the middle of the day, limiting my options. The stress the math course put on me made me fail it and also affected my performances in the other courses so I only received the bare minimum of credits. I also was disappointed in the social arena of the place. I was told college kids had no cliques and were more open minded than high school kids but there were indeed cliques and many of the students were just getting out of high school so the mentality was still there.

For the following year, I decided to just focus on the math course but it was still stressful and I suffered a mental breakdown during the summer because it was when the aforementioned Christians only girl rejected me, I was disappointed by the college social atmospherel, and I thought I was going to fail the math course again. I passed the math course but I was so burned out that I refused to take fall courses.

In the fall of 2010, I decided to give college a try again but my grade was underwhelming thus I got low credits again and I was still disappointed how I couldn't make new friends on the campus. I didn't go back until 2014 and took a music appreciation course that I actually got a good grade in but I didn't know what to do next and I still couldn't engage socially so that discouraged me. I did inquire what it would take to get an associate's degree and unfortunately it would require taking another math course as well as atleast ten or more courses that made the whole thing feel daunting.

My mother and her ex-husband encouraged me to try again for 2015 and they actually paid for me to have a digital art night class and an online health class. But I learned the hard way I don't mesh well with night classes. I am already tired after work and the fact the instructor turned off the lights in the room except for the computer lights made me fall asleep. I also wasn't making new friends no matter how hard I tried and one of the assignments was so hard I dropped out. I also dropped the health class because I missed some assignments on it. Last year, I took a spring history course which I passed. I tried to engage socially despite my anxiety and even tried to set up a club but the same trappings of previous experiences happened again and the club coordinator refused to help me.
I was going to take a summer course but I dropped out again; I was encouraged by my younger brother to take a writing composition course since he told me all degrees require one but the only available one I could get was a summer night course but just like with the digital art course, the same struggle repeated itself. To make things worse, I was given an assignment on the first day but because I fell asleep during the audio presentation ('This Is Water' by David Foster Wallace), I felt so overwhelmed that I immediately decided I didn't want to go through with the course and dropped it.

I don't know if I will ever go back. It's my only realistic option as far as college goes but my bad memories are still there and the social atmosphere refuses to change.