18 Jun 2020, 12:36 pm
18 Jun 2020, 12:55 pm
18 Jun 2020, 1:08 pm
The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 44
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,669
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
18 Jun 2020, 1:28 pm
18 Jun 2020, 2:02 pm
Pepe wrote:
sly279 wrote:
Pepe wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
SharonB wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Ladies, this really has nothing to do at all with your asperger or body language or the like...etc
It is simply something that happens all the time between men and women. For instance there's another thread right now started by a female who has a feeling for a male friend, it's just extremely common.
It is simply something that happens all the time between men and women. For instance there's another thread right now started by a female who has a feeling for a male friend, it's just extremely common.
Question for you: I work with all men. I consider two to be close friends. Do they have the hots for me? What about the guys friend from old that I reconnected with (or kept in touch with). Do they have the hots for me? Ha, ha, ha - probably - but they are old enough to know not to say anything? Or their testosterone has dropped?
I don't know if they do or not, you know them better.
I have a question for you tho: If you seduce them and offer sex to them, how many you think will say "no we are just friends"?
If they are NT men,
Not that many, I imagine.
I was in a situation when I was much younger.
A very attractive woman I worked with showed an interest in me.
Being an aspie:
I considered the situation.
Realised I was nowhere near her league and dismissed the advance.
Do I regret not accepting the invitation?
No.
I understood that the relationship would never have worked because I had nothing to offer.
I realised it wasn't in her best interest in wasting her time with me,
And in my mind, wished her all the best for, undoubtedly, a very satisfying life with someone who would look after her.
She seemed to be frustrated with my refusal.
I am a *true* aspie.
True aspies think like this.
Neurotypicals would have a great deal of trouble understanding how a "True" aspie, like me and Sheldon, thinks about romance.
In my particular situation, it was a case of once bitten, twice shy.
I learned from the first time,
Hence my decline.
Most likely it was a trick and she’d make fun if you. Thsts was my experience in middle and high school.
Nope.
This was at work and I would have been in my late 20s or early 30s.
I wasn’t implying it was just women still do such things even as adults. I have no doubt the fact I asked a lady at work out and she rejected me made its way around work and every laughed at me.
18 Jun 2020, 2:27 pm
18 Jun 2020, 2:58 pm
cyberdad wrote:
LunaticCentruroides is an very open, honest and good hearted individual who voluntarily supported me in another thread when I was getting my backside whipped.
I am sorry to hear about your dilemma.
To put it in the simplest terms, if you are not leaving the door open for a relationship then you might want to avoid friendship with single unattached heterosexual NT males who (as boo eloquently put it) are going to look at you as a potential intimate partner (whether short term or long term). That's literally how we are programmed (yes I'm an NT).
Focus on making female friends. Why do you think its so hard to make friends with other girls? how have you fared making female friends on WP?
I am sorry to hear about your dilemma.
To put it in the simplest terms, if you are not leaving the door open for a relationship then you might want to avoid friendship with single unattached heterosexual NT males who (as boo eloquently put it) are going to look at you as a potential intimate partner (whether short term or long term). That's literally how we are programmed (yes I'm an NT).
Focus on making female friends. Why do you think its so hard to make friends with other girls? how have you fared making female friends on WP?
Hey thanks for your reply
I haven't tried to find friends on WP, obviously I'm pretty new here.
And yes it is very hard to make friends with girls, it's hard to explain.. It's my behavior, I also feel uncomfortable a lot cause they seem very judgmental and they see that I'm socially maybe a bit "weird"..? I can see that THEY can see it and they start to feel uncomfortable around me as well. Sometimes they seem disturbed by me
Cause I really don't act like a girl(or how they expect girls to be) lots of times. For example sometimes I can talk agressive in discussions or really loud and take space. If I'm around men this is no problem, it's perfect.
18 Jun 2020, 3:25 pm
Pepe wrote:
Well, here is some aspie honesty:
You are obviously good looking.
The way you describe it, that many men interested in you is not because you are a plane Jane.
A lot of women would envy your position.
Regarding an in-depth relationship:
Everything I have personally seen indicates to me that most significant other relationships are on the rather shallow side, especially in your age group.
Don't most people your age just want to have a good time and experiment before they get serious?
The man/woman paradigm pretty much inherently means sexual intercourse, these days, in western societies.
How often have you explained, up front, you are just interested in a platonic relationship?
And when will you be ready to settle down?
Do you want children?
In the scheme of things, I think you are being a little unrealistic.
You are obviously good looking.
The way you describe it, that many men interested in you is not because you are a plane Jane.
A lot of women would envy your position.
Regarding an in-depth relationship:
Everything I have personally seen indicates to me that most significant other relationships are on the rather shallow side, especially in your age group.
Don't most people your age just want to have a good time and experiment before they get serious?
The man/woman paradigm pretty much inherently means sexual intercourse, these days, in western societies.
How often have you explained, up front, you are just interested in a platonic relationship?
And when will you be ready to settle down?
Do you want children?
In the scheme of things, I think you are being a little unrealistic.
First of all, thanks for the compliment even if you don't know how I look like
My age group might be more flaky, yes. But as I said, there are plenty of individuals, which wanted to settle down with me in that exact age group. And in that case, it's me that doesn't wanna settle down or get too serious most of the time.
Now I have to admit, I'm not perfect. I've done a lot of mistakes, also with my weakness to tell people things straight in the face. Cause actually if you can observe on e good level, you would notice that I'm not actually interested. So often, I told them that I'm only interested in a platonic friendship too late. I mean we have to consider, that when I was still in school NOBODY was interested in me. I was that outsider and no guy ever really talked to me until I was 18! So in my head, it is STILL hard to understand that someone want to get involved with me just like that. I don't really take it for serious a lot of times, until they really make it clear.
When do I wanna settle down? Until I made my independent experiences I want to make and when I know in which country I wanna live.
I don't plan to have children and I don't wanna get married.
You said I'm a bit unrealistic, maybe.. But I had male friends, in particular one specific one and it worked with him. He was like a brother to me and he never tried to get more. So we talked very openly about it. Unfortunately I lost him bc of some mistakes I've done.
18 Jun 2020, 3:30 pm
18 Jun 2020, 3:34 pm
18 Jun 2020, 4:01 pm
18 Jun 2020, 4:06 pm
Ouch 
I seem to have slighted you somehow
Last edited by sly279 on 18 Jun 2020, 4:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.
18 Jun 2020, 4:12 pm
18 Jun 2020, 4:19 pm
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Ok back to topic..... 
I wondering how the male-female friendships in the OP's case (and the other respondents here) have flourished to start with, did they flourish from a group setting? Like within a social group you frequently hang out with? Friend of friends (usually these end up as male buddies rather than friends, like a small step above acquaintance only) Or was a 1-to-1 case? If the latter then most likely with an ulterior motif.
I wondering how the male-female friendships in the OP's case (and the other respondents here) have flourished to start with, did they flourish from a group setting? Like within a social group you frequently hang out with? Friend of friends (usually these end up as male buddies rather than friends, like a small step above acquaintance only) Or was a 1-to-1 case? If the latter then most likely with an ulterior motif.
This is a crucial point.
But well I can't remember all of them
It was either work, professional school, partys(and later friends from friends or 1-to-1), festivals, travelling and I think I even met people over the internet, but this is stupid and a red flag cause it's always 1-to-1. And also rarely people from the past or friends from my brother.The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
SharonB wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Ok back to topic.....
I wondering how the male-female friendships in the OP's case (and the other respondents here) have flourished to start with, did they flourish from a group setting? Like within a social group you frequently hang out with? Friend of friends (usually these end up as male buddies rather than friends, like a small step above acquaintance only) Or was a 1-to-1 case? If the latter then most likely with an ulterior motif.
I wondering how the male-female friendships in the OP's case (and the other respondents here) have flourished to start with, did they flourish from a group setting? Like within a social group you frequently hang out with? Friend of friends (usually these end up as male buddies rather than friends, like a small step above acquaintance only) Or was a 1-to-1 case? If the latter then most likely with an ulterior motif.
These were school friends, so working with them in class. Occasionally friends of friends. I am sure I had heard that "girls and boys can't be friends" and I still claim that is a social construct. Clearly it's biased towards two genders and heterosexuality. This same issues can be at work in any relationship regardless of where the two people are on the gender or sexuality spectrums. In any relationship with physical attraction on one side (or both), expectations can be set, it may be more difficult but it is possible.
The OP's concern is that it's more an issue for some people that others. I agree. My BFF who is the "cold" ASD type and had nobody crushing on her. In her 30s she made a conscious choice to "open" up and then had a couple relationships. I am the "warm" ASD type (complete with lack of stranger danger) and I had people crushing on me all the time. If she had to open up, I suppose I need to "close" down a bit.
My BFF had the same 3 close friends all through school. I had 100s of acquaintances and cycled through a few sets of friends in school. There is clearly personality at work here.
I see that some people are more "attractive". There is a vibe (and I am not talking sexually, just intensity or intimacy). My vibe is "on!" and I need to turn it down sometimes. My BFF's vibe is "off!" and she needs to turn it up sometimes. BTW - I am quite the good actress and can emulate my BFF when I want. Then I am "unattractive" suddenly. But that's not natural for me.
It's simple, you're simply more attractive than your BFF; that includes personality and attitude too.
Attractive people = attract a LOT of people.
I still don't believe this is a AS problem (after all, your BFF is an aspie too), at least in my opinion.
I don't know.. I can relate really good on what she says. I mean look: I've always been the same person, looked more or less the same, but in my behavior there was always an extreme difference. the more I'm introverted or depressed or anything negative (closed), the less people wanna get involved with me. Yeah they don't even look at me(that's at least what I THINK or how I percieve the world in that moment) maybe I'm also simply very anti-social in that moment.. If I open up, people constantly enter my life and whatever happens I described in my first post.
It is complicated, cause for me closing and opening up is an autistic things, especially for us girls. But it seems to be too extreme.
The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 44
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,669
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
18 Jun 2020, 5:37 pm
18 Jun 2020, 7:06 pm
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