I feel terrible

Post Reply New Topic

Does this girl know you are looking for "something better". If not, then please let her go so she will find somebody who really appreciates her. If yes, maybe she's only going out with you until she finds "something better" herself.

It would be unnecessary to let her go-odds are I won't find something better. I have no intention on counting my chickens before they hatch.

I just wish I had some eggs.

It's not looking for something better that makes you a jerk; it's dating her while you do it.

I know it's hard, but if you want to not be a jerk, you have two choices; you can break it off and go Look for someone you are more romantically attracted to, or you can stay and quit looking- and give this relationship everything you have.

If this is what you really want, keep it; if not, don't. Limbo will turn into hell; this is seven years and a beloved friend no longer on speaking terms with me doing the talking.

I do respect you a great deal for, as you put it, refusing to be shallow. Probably, being a jerk is natural- and one doesn't have much control over who one is physically attracted to. Obviously, entirely rejecting one's nature and trying to be something else is not going to lead to anything honest or useful.

However, I believe we can make some changes in who we are, and in what we are. Rape, for example, is entirely natural, as are a number of other horrific things. Human beings can choose not to do them, though, and- I believe- become different, better, and happier creatures- with correspondingly better communities- in the long run, for having made those choices.

In the conservative community where I was raised, teenage guys were commonly told that they can't always choose not to look, but they can always choose to quit looking- this in reference to publicly posted pictures that would inspire thoughts of sex. I don't think I agree with everything they were trying to accomplish when they said that, but I agree with the principle; you have freedom to choose what you spend your time thinking about, and if that doesn't decide who you are, I don't know what does.

Agreed.

Unless you plan on keeping her
after finding someone else.

AND if she's okay with that.

Not likely, though.

Sometimes convincing is required.
I've found it easier than finding a
pair of females, pre-selected, as
it were.

Whatever.

Just part of why my standards are
too high.

I wish I didn't know what I need.
Then, I could be less demanding,
and simply allow things to fall where
they would.

I fail to see why hearts should be broken prematurely just because they might end up being broken eventually. If I break up with her now, my heart is broken, as is hers, she won't understand why, I won't fully understand why, and I'll be a wreck until I find someone better. By waiting, I reduce by half the number of hearts broken. She's getting the shaft regardless of when I decide to break this, so I see no reason why I shouldn't wait it out, see if I eventually fall for her or if it becomes more feasible, and see if there is some way for her to find a more economic time to break this off. She is an equal party here, and I have to take into consideration the fact that it's not a good time for her to be breaking off the relationship. I'm just going to drag this out and wait a while, just to see what happens. Nothing worse will happen.

If you have no intention of continuing with
her, you owe her the right to go looking
as well. Now, maybe that doesn't mean
calling things quits, but I don't quite see
how you can be honest with her, without
hurting her feelings a LOT, and justify
remaining together.

"Hey, I enjoy cyber with you, but uh,
I think that you're not my type?"

I don't know what I have an intention of doing at this point. I want to want to be with her, for whatever that's worth, but I bore entirely too easily. I'm not going to damage s**t more than I have to, because I can't find any reason why I should hurt this girl, as fun as it is to watch humanity languish in agony. If something happens to come along, I will end it and everyone will be nice and untangled. I don't want to hurt her unless it's either necessary or convinient, neither of which is the case. I just don't see why we should both get hurt now when I can save myself and see exactly what happens by riding it out. I'd save her if I could, even at the cost of myself, but that isn't happening. If it can, I'll do it, but I don't see how.

ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

If I were her, I hope to God you would break up with me.

I based my earlier advice on your claim of loving her. If you really loved her, you wouldn't be planning to end it if "something happens to come along" and it becomes "convenient".

You clearly don't care about her as much as you should to stay in a position where you're preventing her from finding someone else.

Show her enough respect to give her the opportunity to find someone who really loves her for herself.

Either both of us get hurt, or she gets hurt. If there was a way for this to end, and for me to be devastated, and for her to be fine, I'd jump on it in a heartbeat. Christ, I don't think another punch would do any harm at this point. And if there was a way for this to not end at all, I'd jump on that as well, and that is what I am holding out for. Maybe I will fall. I just don't know at this point, and I don't feel right breaking two hearts on a stupid speculation that I won't change my mind, seeing as my mind changes on everything constantly.

Selfish.

She gets hurt NO MATTER WHAT. Even if
you end up staying with her. Why? Because
of your attitude. I think you need to figure out
a less selfish definition of love.