06 Apr 2009, 5:48 pm
I have not read this whole thread. I like the idea of the ladder and all that. But let me tell you what has happened with me and how I tryed to learn being social.
Everytime I have tryed to learn more, be more aware in social situations, it never works. People still know I'm different. I try doing different things, listening more, being more aware, ect.. People still sense I'm not like other people in normal social situations and stay away. Then when I tell people I need help with social skills because I'm not like most people, they don't belive me and look at me like I'm crazy because everyone knows that everyone just automatically knows how to be social. 
06 Apr 2009, 6:10 pm
tcorrielus wrote:
A disability of any kind SHOULD NOT prevent someone from doing something that they would love to do. Aspies that want to develop friendships and relationships with their peers just need to start somewhere. You should try participating in activities that require social interaction such as dancing (I'm learning tango, salsa and cha-cha!). Once you meet someone for the first time, learn about their occupation, favorite shows, and activities, and talk about current events before and after lessons.
I think the ladder seems to be very helpful when trying to develop more social skills and start a relationship with any woman. The level that I'm in is "Become an equal member of a friendship group". The biggest challenge is "trying to follow a conversation when you're in a larger friendship group". Such a challenge will worsen only if you're in a noisier environment. But I'm still working on this.
Giving up, being miserable, and consider yourself a loser will make you a loser.
I think the ladder seems to be very helpful when trying to develop more social skills and start a relationship with any woman. The level that I'm in is "Become an equal member of a friendship group". The biggest challenge is "trying to follow a conversation when you're in a larger friendship group". Such a challenge will worsen only if you're in a noisier environment. But I'm still working on this.
Giving up, being miserable, and consider yourself a loser will make you a loser.
tcorrielus, thankyou so much. Your attitude is an exact match to mine, and I couldn't have put it better myself. And for all those people who are saying all aspie females have it good and don't have to go through this stuff, that's BS. Don't think, like missconstrue, I haven't asked anyone out and been rejected (this has happened to me before I advanced up the ladder far enough to get a better indication of the cues that showed if a person was equally attracted to me as I was to them). The further up the ladder you go, the more you'll find you understand NT's (this is how it has happened for me, at any rate). I'm not saying I feel any less different or alien, but I feel like I have learned the "NT" language enough to get by in most cases.If you read tcorrielus's post I went through many of the same things myself. When I was in Year 10, my parents signed me up for a Ballroom Dancing class in an attempt to improve my socializing. I also joined a combined schools choir singing Mozart's requiem. The list goes on. None of the activities I joined caused any instant improvement, but they all added up bit by bit. It's a slow and painstaking progress.
Tahitii wrote:
j5689 wrote:
I'm not part of a group friends really and I never have been
There's a moment coming up, in early college, where long-lasting, loose friendships can form and bond. It has a different quality to it than what I remember in high school. It was suddenly easier. They were mixed-gender groups, and didn't demand the same level of coolness, whatever that is. They just require a lot of maintenance. We spent a lot of time in the college cafeteria. Then again, maybe it was easier because the drinking age was 18 back then.
Has anyone in college recently noticed that?
Yes, I am in college and I have noticed that it is a lot easier to do this in a college environment.
That being said, the first time I reached this point would be last year, with a group of university friends (not college), so you don't necessarily have to be at college to achieve this. I think, to be entirely honest, being an equal member of a group of friends has been the hardest thing I have ever had to achieve in my life thus far.
It's not an easy achievement, but the baby steps that lead up to all this are signing up for different social groups and forcing yourself out of your comfort zone. You're probably not going to enjoy it (I know I hated it!) but it will be beneficial in the long run. It think it's easier when you have parents that force you into these things, as I did, then pushing yourself on your own. You have to have the willpower to force yourself into uncomfortable situations until you learn how to handle them (this relates to the group of 10 strangers or more comment, ToS).
If anyone wants any advice/ideas on anything etc, you can PM me for a specific Question and Answer sort of thing. I can't make too many promises with reliable ongoing social PMing as I tend to be a bit "flakey" (as quoted in the other post) as I can't handle too much PMing, emails, facebook all at once, and I tend to be on social overload a lot these days being a college student, although I always try my hardest to keep up with it all.
06 Apr 2009, 8:31 pm
06 Apr 2009, 8:40 pm
06 Apr 2009, 9:27 pm
Shucks....I don't even have one friend.... 
techstepgenr8tion
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06 Apr 2009, 9:43 pm
MissConstrue wrote:
Space wrote:
MissConstrue wrote:
Oh wait I know....it's because I'm not a looker because that's the ONLY thing guys are after
I think you're good looking
Thanks...
Yeah, at the very minimum you have our respect - just because your you and that you'll put your thoughts out there and engage us on the level
.
As for the looks, I definitely think you'd be hard pressed to find a guy who'd say your unattractive.
You do make a good point though, many women can have the same problems. Usually what I think it is, especially for those of us who have ourselves together IRL, is that most people need emotive/energetic gestalt - I'm inherently reserved (I feel like my gestalt is straight-jacketed half the time) and there's barely a thing I can do about it; I could be wrong but I get the impression that your coming from at least a somewhat similar angle there. I've noticed that being emotionally low key (on the surface) seems to have the same effect for NT's as well, like no matter how cool they 'should' be just on their own merits, they tend to have just as hard of a time getting into relationships. All this really does make me wish that society would stop pounding the stereotypes, I know that our culture uses stigmas to promote what it feels is vital as well as discourage what it sees as counterproductive, maybe we need more understanding of what it is or how that works so we run much less of a risk of falling into believing it about ourselves? I'm still not sure what the answer is there but there are a lot of people who are single, stuck there for some very arbitrary reasons, and its really sad to see people with this much self-worth internalize it as much as they feel they have to.
hartzofspace
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06 Apr 2009, 10:58 pm
07 Apr 2009, 5:36 am
07 Apr 2009, 6:51 am
techstepgenr8tion
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07 Apr 2009, 6:06 pm
07 Apr 2009, 9:55 pm
07 Apr 2009, 11:36 pm
07 Apr 2009, 11:45 pm
08 Apr 2009, 4:57 am
KevinLA wrote:
By the way, why not smile a little more in your picture?!
What, you mean more like this?
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postxf1097-0-6780.html
08 Apr 2009, 12:51 pm
GoatOnFire
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08 Apr 2009, 4:35 pm
sunshower wrote:
KevinLA wrote:
By the way, why not smile a little more in your picture?!
What, you mean more like this?
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postxf1097-0-6780.html
Does going around wearing a burlap sack make it easier to smile?
I have problems smiling, maybe I should try going around like that.
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