SECRETS OF SUCCESSFUL FLIRTING by GroovyDruid

Post Reply New Topic

Honestly, I don't think the fluff talk is all that hard. I'm interested in plenty of "nerdy" things (computers, sound equipment, etc.) and it seems to work fine mentioning these as long as they go along with some normal interests. And if you like music or movies, name a genre within them or just a few artists/directors/actors that you like. Unless it's something really obscure, you'll almost always have something to talk about. Besides, if you're flirting, it shouldn't be about your interests anyway. You should be asking about HER interests.

can you give some help on how to get a shy boy to be more at ease? i mean, how far is too far, how fast is too fast. if you could can you give a few examples of going to far? i only know of one and that's:
dont give him too many complements at a time. that can leave him wondering what you want and trying to think of compliments back.
or at least that would be my guess. i know back when i was shy that's what i would feel.

The best thing that boy could do, and in my opinion should do is to totally isolate himself socially. It's just not worth it. Isolation is freedom.

Isolation is lonliness and a waste of a life in my opinion.
Everyone needs some socialization throughout their lifes. It's a give and take world, we give and recieve human interaction and we need to find the best way to do this.

Did any of you watch City Slickers Two, they had a treasure map where X marks the spot, but the going to get the gold was hard and they faced many trials, stampede, snake bite, tied up and nearly killed, a freezing night, but with all this even when they didn't get the gold, they all thought it was worth it, because they had grown in their relationships and survived.

Now say the gold is a friend, you see someone you like, you go through hurdles to get to know that person to become friends, that friendship would be worth all the hurdles and worry and heartache. The trying is whats important and the hurdles just make you a more apt person for the next realationship. In my humble opinion.

Being mindblind and really too old to learn social skills after 30 years of bullying, I have to say that if you never trust anybody, you will never risk redicule. Isolation is safe.

Ask him about his interests and if he's still quiet, tell him about yourself until he thaws. If he doesn't relax after a while, then he's probably just not interested in you. I'm basing this info on my brother, who is the shyest person around - even I, his sis who's know him all his life, have to talk at him for a while, now and then firing questions at him of the "has this ever happened to you?" kind, till he suddenly relaxes and starts chatting.

How very interesting... A girl who is actually intersted in a shy boy...

Is this boy NT?

If so, sending relaxing body language signals of your own can be very powerful. NTs "mirror" one another's body language. If you sit relaxed and with your hands unclenched, spread wide, and smile a good bit, he's likely to follow suit, and it will relax him internally. Also, try not to cross your legs, and point your body toward him. Make good eye contact. Then go for some small talk. You're more likely to get positive results.

Another idea: when small talk isn't working on a shy person, you can try The Blitz. The Blitz is anti-small talk delivered in a light, funny way. You ask, for example, "What was the scariest thing that ever happened to you?" or "If the roof started to cave in right now, what you you do?"

This can be VERY effective on shy people. It puts them in a tought but good spot. They have to think about their answer, and they can't politely distance you any longer. What often happens is, the person forms a connection with you, and ends up enjoying it. It gets them out of their own head, and they feel more relaxed in spite of themselves. Ocassionally, it doesn't work. That's fine. You've tried everything at that point.

I used this the other night with a wonderful young woman I went on a date with who was nervous and a bit shy. We hit a few lulls in the coversation, and I said, "What was the scariest thing that ever happened to you?" and politely, playfully, but earnestly insisted that she answer. We never stopped talking after that...