Why do a lot of women do this...?

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God, if some girlfriend started to criticize my choice of hobbies (reading, writing music, and cycling) she'd be on her way out basically immediately.

I don't know

As an AS female, I REALLY don't understand women. Not that I need to, because I'm straight, but I have to shake my head at the behavior of some women towards the men in their life, and the resulting opinions men have.

I've noticed this with my own mother mostly, but hear about it in other ways:

I often wondered similar things before I had a boyfriend. I'll try and explain why as much as I can, but it's only from my point of view; I can't speak for everyone.

-women nagging the man to do housework. Or handy work. Or nagging them to get off the TV (or in some cases Computer/Video Game) and PAY ATTENTION to her.

I'm currently living with my bf. We're both messy, so I don't feel the urge to pick up after him and vice versa. We take it in turns to do the dishes (basically, whoever needs a plate cleans it) and I ask him to help me take out the bins. It's about 50:50 at the moment, but if I found I was starting to do all the housework, I would not hesitate to ask him to do his share. I don't think this counts as 'nagging'; he's a grown up.

I do sometimes 'nag' my boyfriend if he's been on the internet for hours. I don't go overboard; I think he'd rather a few 'unsubtle hints' than if I let it bottle up inside for ages and then released it in a huge "why don't you talk to meeee!?! !" rant.

-women getting upset over something a guy does that seems so freaking trivial I roll my eyes at it.

It can have a greater significance to that person than appears on the surface. I read once about a woman who became very angry at having to pick up her husband's socks; to her, it reminded her of her childhood, when her mother would have to wait hand on foot on her dad, and how she resolved not to be like that; trivial as it may seem, picking up that sock made her feel she was turning into her mum. Different people have things that irk them and juse because you don't understand it, doesn't mean you should disregard it.

-women withholding intimacy because they're mad over said freaking trivial event

If I'm mad with my bf, the last thing I want to do is give him a big hug. In my mind, I'm angry for a reason.

-women constantly wanting to text/call/monopolize the poor guy's time without a break for his own "me time".

This varies; one guy's 'monopolized time' might be another's 'why doesn't she text me??? she mustn't care!!'... it depends on the individual how much contact they want. I could be wrong, but from chatting to a few guys, it seems that a lot of them like having slightly 'clingy' girlfriends; after all, wouldn't you rather someone who wanted to talk to you rather than someone who didn't. I read once that a guy was happy his gf was texting him because it meant it was less likely she was texting another bloke (open to debate, I know...)

-women criticizing what the man eats, his weight and what to do about it, how he chooses to spend his 'me time'.

Guilty. I don't nag about weight, but I do comment on the amount of sugar in his diet- I care about him and don't particularily want him getting type 2 diabetes. In return, he nags me to do more exercise. We don't have huge arguments over it, it's almost just a way to show we care about each other's health.

With regards to how he spends his spare time; I don't really care to be honest, although as a previous poster has said, if he went to a strip club or something like that, there'd be war.

-wanting to 'talk' and turning it into a big argument

It takes two to argue. Often (not always!) guys try to avoid an issue, even if it's blazingly obvious. The girl usually has to bring the subject up. The argument starts when one or the other gets upset; could be the girl or guy. It continues when both parties get upset... Arguments happen; nobody agrees exactly with another's viewpoint and although it would be nice if everyone calmly and rationally talked about their feelings and viewpoints, it doesn't often happen. If you don't allow things to come to a head occasionally, they just brew under the surface and turn into a seething resentment towards the other person.

-demanding the guy take her to see a chick flick that he clearly will not enjoy.

Who's to say he won't? I know quite a few guys who secretly like chicflicks. I agree that 'forcing' someone to go see something isn't right, but I don't see what's wrong with asking someone to accompany you; it's only an hour or so of their time and you can repay it by going to see 'galacta-star-battle-zombies' another time...

-criticizing or making fun of his hobby, or calling it a waste of time/money.

Hmm... yeah, I agree with you there. I joke about my bf's hobby being v expensive, but I don't say it's a waste of time. If it's his money he's spending, and it's not needed for bills/children, then it's up to him how he wants to spend it.

I make fun sometimes, but it is just that; a joke. He knows it and slags me off about other things.

I don't understand it. I don't understand it AT ALL. Clearly these things irritate the man and cause strife in the relationship. WHY would she do it?! Especially the stuff about his hobbies (and I'm not talking about pr0nz here). I would NEVER do ANY of that to a guy...yet I'm single.

I'm not sure, but I think being in a relationship where I was put on a pedestal and allowed to whatever I want sounds rather... boring to be honest.

I think if you go into a relationship believing that it's all about Him and what He wants, you're not going to be very happy in the long run; you shouldn't be afraid to outline your own needs and wishes, as well as aknowledging his.

Other than Aspie1 proving he is a misogynist (once again), i think that some of these behaviors underlie bigger problems.

The first being is little things do begin to add up. Usually alot of these habits are the result of poor communication. I don't think women "henpeck" guys. Rather in this day and age a relationship (or marriage) is not a necessity, it is something that you do because you WANT to do.

My partner has one habit that annoys me. He fiddles with his cell phone when driving. I am a bit high strung, he knows it bothers me, but he forgets sometimes. I say it nicely, it bothers me when you drive while playing with your cell phone, in fact it scares me.

Yeah NT women do alot of trivial things sometimes, but when that happens it is usually a good sign that the marriage is destined to failure because there is fundimental communication problems. I have seen alot of NT couples where this stuff never happens because there is good communication, where both take thier responsibilities in the relationship seriously.

I will also say, I don't want let little things effect me as much either. The poster above me had some excellent points, sometimes it is the relationship dynamic. There was a period there were my partner was not doing anything sexual with me. It took me awhile to notice, but the truth is he didn't ask. Also sex is something which can get rather tricky, people have honest limits. I really can't initiate sex, because I don't really think about it. Sometimes, it really does get down to whether or not the other partner is asking for sex. I got to a point where I rather missed the sex stuff, and we suddenly became active again. Its just the way it goes sometimes, not with holding, it just sort of forgeting about stuff and not communicating at times.

Sex being withheld is a bad idea if it continously happens, and intentionally, for extended periods of time. For many men and women I know its a serious need.

I am not NT, but at least I am smart enough to realize what the real issues are about the post. Its a lack of communication between two partners. The thing is I can cut to the chase and see the real problem going on here, which many NT can never see. They don't always know how to express thier needs and desires clearly, there is literally to much assumption, and not enough verbal communication.

I have always wonder that myself has man and have seen this first hand done to others.If that is the TC view of it man I need to get a GF with AS just like me.But that is one of my favorite things is to observe the world in my own unique askewed view.

to the OP:

I'm not going to say that it's typical NT or AS behavior, but generally speaking, it's a defense mechanism called projection (thanks to freud).

Women like these are brainwashed into thinking that a woman should be some sort of ideal or principle. While the female herself is under constant anxiety of inadequacy, her own ego protects itself by projecting all these things onto the most easiest target, the significant other. I have found that this brain washing comes from entities of authority. TV, magazine, religion, the friend who 'has it all' etc. This type of woman will find it extremely painful to squarely face herself in the mirror and work out the problems of self acceptance.

All of those complaints are pressures she puts on herself and by ego defense, projects it onto someone else. That at least is the freudian mechanics of it and it makes sense to me. Trying to give and cater to all the complaints is meaningless because those complaints are really about herself or her self image (adlerian psychology can help here)

If this has been going on for a long time, her mind would have wired those neurons tightly together. There's good news in that they can be changed to something else. It does require lots of emotionally charged work, but it's possible (neurogenesis/neuroplasticity/habituation).

Having said that, I don't have a good quick remedy other than the long haul of emotionally charged behavior reprogramming. CBT or REBT comes to mind. Also, I would check the habits of the partner, to switch up responses to break the habit of complaining (neurologically weakening the reinforced links)

My 2 cents

The thing is I rather have some equally messed up because the thing is NT dont and will never understand. Its not that I think the grass is greener on the other side because I am very pesimistic I am not looking for a soulmate I want someone that won't drive me nut or make me wanna stick my head in the oven,also someone who doesn't want kids because I dont like kids especially infants because sure there cute but then you realize you have to raise and its crying when your trying to sleep or taken all the time you could be spending with Significant other and the hostility it cause between parents.

Kids required constant supervision, especially roddlers, and watching them all day is exhausting (they move around a lot). When the SO comes back from work, there's gonna be a dispute over who watches the kid, or maybe not, just depends on the relationship. I still think it's worth it in the long run, if anything, for genetic propagation.

I think the OP is referring to the women who just want to take and take and take, and never give anything in return.