What is "creepy"?

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Yeah, really. I stopped doing anything nice or chivalrous for this reason. If an attractive guy does it, the woman often thinks it's the nicest thing in the world. A Quasimodo-looking fella like me though gets comments about wanting to get in the woman's pants, or a screwed-up look, or even a slap.

I'm a nice person by nature, but if it's to the point where you're getting slapped or called a pervert for doing something nice (when other guys are ACTUALLY DOING perverted stuff and getting away with it) you might as well give the hell up.



Unfortunately, it's true. I am living proof. I have a feeling if I was some handsome Adonis type that I'd get smiles and winks instead of weird faces and slaps.

Last edited by DialAForAwesome on 30 Jul 2012, 9:49 am, edited 1 time in total.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=15S0g8pG6HU[/youtube]

I've never been slapped or called a pervert (well by a woman at least), but I had a recent person at work (NOT a co-worker or customer: probably tenant would be the best description) who I complimented on she was both beautiful and mature (I've known her for months and she always had a warm smile and a hello) and it was nice to see someone so young be so good at what they do. That's it: I never laid a finger on or near her or flirt or repeat myself the next day although I grant I was a little close due to the small area she works in. She uttered a "thanks, I guess". I thought "beautiful, smart AND modest: what a rare combination!" and went on with my duties.

Suddenly, she started avoiding me like I had the plague as did several of her co-workers (that have known me for years). I later found out she complained (informally, but still) to her supervisor that I made her very uncomfortable. I told the supervisor what I said and that she obviously completed misinterpreted it and I gave them all a complete cold shoulder (don't need to deal with anyone who even hints at being a hardcore feminist: I know how dirty and underhanded they can be) and she's back to saying hello again. I sometimes wonder if women in general WANT to be treated badly! Maybe this was because she works in an exclusively female job and has little experience with men but still, I was trying to be nice and help her since she is extremely shy and timid like I used to be. I also have 5 years experience there and she's a 21 year old student. No way I'm helping her now: I don't need a harassment complaint no matter how unfounded! What's worse is that she showed ALL the subconscious signs of someone interested in me (it's my current special interest so I know them well). This isn't the first time either this has happened. I really wanted to go up to her and say "I was just trying to be nice: I didn't say I wanted to F*** you or anything!"



ROFL! I swear I didn't even see this before I typed what I did above! For crying out loud, I've said that to women I know were married and they didn't get upset or offended: they were glad to hear it. They knew I knew they were happily married and didn't come up with a wild interpretation: they were happy someone was nice to them.



I thought I was above average in looks but when I do something like that to someone under 30 I almost get the feeling they think I have ulterior motives like I mentioned above. Over 30? Always appreciate the gesture.

Chris Chan definitely sums up creepy.

Typical sort of problem with subtexts, people giving off signals they don't mean to give, people misinterpreting things on the mistaken assumption there's a subtext, and so on. Subtexts are the most annoying and damaging habit of "normal" socialization. It puts people in awkward positions all the time, for no particular reason. You and her both, in this case. People should just say what they mean, we would never have these problems.

What's really annoying is when you do say what you mean and others are so busy trying to read subtexts, they completely ignore what you've actually stated outright.

Creepy is summed up in two words...
Gary Glitter.

This right here is why I prefer talking with children. Not because I'm weird or creepy but because they are so darn blunt and honest and I have no trouble understanding them even with their limited vocabulary. I had one 2 year old give me some excellent life advice because she came right out and said in plain English what I needed to do and even gave me a "what are you, stupid?" look to match. I also had a 3 year old tell me my apartment smelled bad when his mother asked his opinion. While everyone else was trying to downplay the statement, I thanked him for bringing it to my attention and fixed the problem. It would have taken me weeks to realize otherwise since I didn't stay in that area for long enough to notice.

It's like my only real eHarmony conversation. I can only believe at this point she flaked because she took two things I said and made a ridiculous interpretation instead of reading what I said at face value. What's so wrong with being honest and upfront? I'm guessing I pop the delusions many women have about Brad Pitt falling from the sky!

Probably whenever our ancestors developed the anatomical precursors of what we now call "eyes".

I've been called "creepy" so many times.

The manipulative creep-Someone who is extremely good at manipulating you to get what he wants and he's good at changing around his personality when he feels like it to put on a show for you.

I can relate to that. Only change he and his to she and her.

the reason why she complained was that you were complimenting her on her physical appearance and you were not on a level of familiarity where it could really be acceptable. her appearance was not related to her job or to your relationship at that place of employment, so it should not have been something that you point out in a complimentary way.

at first when getting to know someone in a professional environment, it's best not to note ANYTHING about how they look, not even if they get a new hairstyle or if they have a nice skirt or whatever. then, once you get very familiar with a coworker at work, to the point that you have talked a lot and weeks or months have passed, it becomes more acceptable to make surface-level comments, like: "i see that you got a new pair of shoes. very cool!" but it is still important to stay away from comments about their actual body or face - comments should be restricted to items the person has ADORNED themselves with.

another rule of thumb is generational. if you are a generation older than the person you are talking to, then you have to be extra-cautious as to how you come across in a work environment. this goes for both men and women too.

i know all this firsthand because my ex-husband had to explain to me that i should NEVER comment on a person's physical self unless i am *very* good friends with them. obviously, i made the same mistakes myself many times. there is a sliding scale of what is considered ok to comment on with acquaintances, coworkers and friends. i learnt firsthand that it is NOT ok to tell a man he smells good unless he is a close friend, nor should i ever ever ever tell a female coworker that her dimples make her look like a doll. and even if a person is a good friend, it is better not to tell them that their boobs look good in a certain shirt (yes, i did that too, and it took damage control to get past it).

the idea in this thread that only men are considered creepy is frankly ridiculous. i get called creepy ALL THE TIME. people at work just yesterday were joking that they better watch out or i would probably hunt them down online. my new nickname is "creepy detective". i have also been called creepy by men who i have been interested in, or even men who i have NOT been interested in.

I'm not really sure what planet a dude's on where he thinks judging a woman's appearance (like Lex said- not her clothes, etc, but her BODY/FACE) is work-appropriate.

I had to learn, myself, that commenting on someone's appearance regardless of the environment is a no-no unless you know her very well- I told a female classmate (whom I'd never said two words to, previously) that she had beautiful skin. Cue her sitting on the other side of the room from me for the rest of semester.

You don't approve of his very original Sonichu comics? At least he's the mayor of CWCville...

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4MEcrWM0y5g[/youtube]

Edit: He's also the straightest man in the world.

When me and my Step Sis was in high school, She told me how she liked guys to treat her like crap. I asked her why she said she did not know, she just did.

Never thought I'd see the day where someone would think being complimentary is a bad thing. I didn't say 'sexy', 'gorgeous' or comment on any body part. Maybe I'm different but when I wore my suit and dressed up at work, the ladies were handing out compliments like candy. I never felt any of it was anything less than kind except to joke "I suppose I'm ugly the rest of the time, right?" Besides, you are forgetting a) she is NOT a co-worker (I would explain but can't elaborate due to privacy issues) and b)she has always been friendly to me and especially me!

Besides, I always considered the term 'beautiful' to have nothing to do with her body (although yes, it looks good). I was referring to her soul/essence/spirit/what term you wish to use. I could see she had self-confidence issues and was just trying to help but if they are offended by a compliment there's no reason to talk to them any more than required. I'm honestly not attracted to 'bombshells' as they are usually the worst women of all.

do you know the difference between complimenting someone on their clothing and complimenting them on their physical appearance? it is radically different to tell someone they look good dressed up in a suit compared to telling them they are attractive. also, i am betting that you had a closer familiarity with the women who complimented you, compared to the female tenant you upset.

you may have been trying to tell her that she is beautiful on the inside, but if we couldn't even tell that here on the forum based on your words, then i do not see how she would have known. you didn't say to her that she seemed like a great person, you called her beautiful. big difference there.

i think part of the problem was that you did find her physically attractive, and she could sense that from your words and demeanour. so any compliment that is ambiguous would seem by default to be about her physical self. telling someone they are beautiful is not something that you randomly say as a nice compliment to semi-strangers - unless you want to be seen as creepy.

i gave you my own experiences about this, and even explained why it would be misconstrued. i have had the same thing happen. but it's not THEIR fault for taking it that way, it's MY problem for having an impairment in my communication skills.