I'm tired of this s**t!

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But it's not that people are annoyed. They don't know what to say, and they would love to help you feel at least a bit better. Not everybody does, but definitely more people here wishes you well than you are willing to admit.

But you summed it up in your very first thread already. I can even summarize all your posts in one simple sentence: "i`m a piece of s**t"

The problem is that you see yourself in a totally wrong way. honest self-knowledge is rare in people and i noticed that you lack it (Like a lot of people do). You`re not a piece of s**t at all. You can write like a beast so good. Really, just start an internet blog somewhere and i`m sure people will read it!

That will also safe us from your endless whining and allow you to reach a much broader audience. Maybe someone will even try to contact you for help or maybe there is someone that wants to be your friends. You can even start a blog on WP.net if i remember correctly.

Anyhow, stop judging yourself because you`re bad at it. Your writing alone testifies of this.

There are people out there who will not make fun of you, use you, or talk down to you. As another poster suggested, your bad experiences with individuals may be related to the particular culture in your area.

Ok I can type halfway decent on a computer, big woop. My niece (who is 10) is very good at writing. Heck their are 6th/7th graders that are better than me. It's not that big of a deal.

It's also amusing that there's nothing else positive you people can say about me. It's always "you can type very well" and nothing else.

Thats because NO ONE HERE knows you in real life, what did you expect?
Our only impression of you is what you type here.

Last edited by MR20 on 20 Nov 2011, 3:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.

It seems like talking into the mirror and practicing to talk normally is a good start then?

I took it to mean that living around numerous blacks, in general, is some sort of problem. i am black but don't consider myself nor do my neighbors think I'm a problem to live around. and I live and grew up in the reverse of the OP. just sayin'...

What do you mean nobody can say anything positive except that you type well? I said that I looked at your photo and you are a good looking man.

You have to remember also that in a text medium, other than photo's, all we know of each other is typing.

Frances

How exactly can you change the way you talk?

I've lived in a really really bad area since I was little and I've stated as much on here. They're saying that may have contributed to some of the problems I've had.

I'm black myself, and I don't consider what they said to be racist or offensive.

MR20, I have the same problem when it comes to real life communication. I never know what to say or how to say it. I shake and blush and stutter and say nonsense. I present myself as stupid and slow on the top of being weird. And I'm educated (I'm a PhD student). Online and written communication helps me gather my thoughts and present my arguments in a coherent way.

There are people who are better in written communication, and I know it doesn't help you much with your real life communication problems, but I assure you it doesn't mean you're stupid!

A stupid person could never gather his thoughts this well and write as good as you go. The reason we all talk about your writing style is because you presents yourself to us with your writing, and you've made a positive impression based on this.

Oh, and you're not ugly at all, but somehow I know you won't believe me so I don't know if I should try.

I understand being poor sucks. I know it; I'm poor. We don't even get welfare the same way people in US do. It's bad, I know. Your life and your situation is not great by any means. It's bad. But these thoughts you have are torturing you. You are not a bad person just because of these circumstances you live in.

Stop freaking lying for the love of god. I'm NOT GOOD LOOKING. I am hideously ugly. I knew I never should have posted my pic here, I just knew people would not be honest just to 'spare" (in their minds) my feelings.

You really can't. The best you can do is disguise your voice or make an artificial voice (it's hard to explain but basically change the tone). It's too much of a bother though. I know this very well myself as I have language impairment from being partially deaf. The best you can hope for is that you have your words, if you're anything like me.

I'm in a very similar situation to you. Nearly everyone treats me like dirt or ignores me, or calls me slow because of my voice, or calls me ugly. I really have almost no friends and I'm the black sheep of the family, so if I end up on the street, that's it. If I ended up dead, nobody would show at my funeral. Realistically, even if you leave where you live, you'll still continue to face all that adversity. I know because it's still happening to me. I've moved about 10 times and every time the same things happen, without fail, no matter what I try to do differently. From the sounds of it, the same has happened and still is happening to you. Some people are just born under bad stars. It doesn't have much to do with you per se.

About growing up in a terrible neighborhood, it's pretty unfortunate. Like you, I had people of my same race (I'm a black man too) shun me and try to start fights with me because I didn't want to be part of all the stereotypes (other races who perpetuated these same stereotypes did the same thing to me). Plus something about being black and disabled in some way AND on top of that shunning stereotypes makes us prime targets for being dumped on by pretty much everybody. It gets to the point where other people outside of your culture (not necessarily your race, although that is usually what happens) don't want you because they think you're putting up a front. They think you're being an "Uncle Tom," if you will, even though it couldn't be any further from the truth. As much as people hate to admit it, they STILL think in terms of race.

Moving isn't always an option either. What about low-income housing? Although they always have waiting lists 5 miles long.

I can't really address the looks issue. But I will say that, as bad as you think you look, I've seen girls with guys who look like the Elephant Man. And had the personality to match.

Reality is one huge bitter pill that takes forever to swallow (when "forever" ends that means death). Even if you do all the stuff like going to college and dressing up better, it still might not fix anything. It's a little misleading for people to say "fix that and that and this" and expect it to make everything better. It takes a whole lotta luck on top of that. No spark, no fire. But maybe, in time, luck will come to you.

Am I saying to not improve yourself? No, although it seems that way. I'm saying, if you choose to improve on the areas YOU think are wrong with you (I can't say I think anything is severely wrong with you other than beating yourself up too much) then that's great, but don't expect a whole bunch of great stuff to come from it right away. This also means that even though you said you haven't gone to college or anything, that you're on the same wavelength as a bunch of other Americans. You're no less smart than anybody else. I don't think you should feel inadequate because of that. If it's that bad, maybe try online classes. I would definitely advise against college proper unless you have financial aid or something. Those debt collectors are killers.

In regards to people, it's also easy to say "just ignore the ones who mess with you." But it's really not that simple. If the people who pick on you are people you see EVERY DAY, there's no way to just ignore them. It's just something you have to live with. I don't know your COMPLETE situation so I can't advise you one way or the other on that.

I also understand why you feel that typing well isn't a big whoop. I remember getting perfect grades on all my typed assignments and being complimented on them by teachers. Kids would always comment that I cheated and was using spell check to correct them (which is a HUGE slight to me; I won two spelling bees without anyone's help!). So I can definitely see why you feel that way about typing well. Typing well, for most people, really isn't such a big deal in the era of spell-checks and auto-correct. For every one person that compliments you for typing well (and that believes you did it legitimately), several others will ask you if you abused spell check. That's just the way it is. Nothing you can do about that except shrug it off. Most people are morons and will take away others' accomplishments just to get their jollies.

If this post depresses you when you read it, I apologize. I just wanted to say I know how you feel and try to offer some advice in a roundabout (and long-winded) way.

I think you nailed it their when I see these good looking aspies born good looking and in to privilege it makes me want to puke, sadly many of us ( since theirs so little their) mistake self loathing for loathing of others in reality.

This op should consider going though life being a failure whats wrong with being one will material success make you happier ?

I doubt it.

It doesn't depress me in that way. I feel really bad about the stuff you've been though and I can relate somewhat.

I'm really sorry and hopes your situation gets better. Thanks for the advice.