I'd rather be alone than settle

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Hey MR20, it's me again. I'm going to agree with others here, you need to lower your standards for your mate and yourself if you want to have any hope of landing a girlfriend.

But, I have something to add! Think of how horrible you are. How ugly, poor, stupid, etc you are.... Now imagine someone even worse. THAT is who you should be pursuing!

You said you are half-retarded - well maybe you could get a fully ret*d girlfriend. I'm not kidding! As desperate as you are, there are people equally as desperate. There are people on all rungs of the ladder, and at the very bottom there may be some people who are just so desperate for ANYONE in their lives they'll even take you! Warts and all!

Now...the question is how to find these people. Hmmm.... I don't know. Where do the ugliest, dumbest girls hang out? The internet?

But really, just set your standards extremely low and keep trying. I think if you find girls even you consider beneath you, after about 100 tries someone is bound to accept some relationship with you!

It's not fun compromising your passions, but it makes sense right?

Edit: I still think you should get some medication. Your tasks will seem easier if you are not so depressed, and drugs may help that. It's like how they call alcohol a "social lubricant". Everything becomes easier if you are not full of crippling self hatred and misery.

Last edited by DetestableInsect on 16 Dec 2011, 2:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.

MR20,

NEVER underestimate the unattractive girls' lack of self-esteem.

I agree, I think being on the spectrum, we can only learn through trial and error or going through break-ups first before building self understanding or awareness. I am grateful in some ways that I've had painful experiences and break ups because it has lead me to realize what I need to work on and what I need to look for when it comes to being in a long term relationship.

I will always put my priorities first before a relationship but I realize now that I need to deal with problems or situations in the relationship as they present themselves and I definitely need to be more emotionally supportive and empathetic. It is just difficult being on the spectrum, my previous partner used to complain that I could not support her emotionally, I wouldn't really know where to begin when it comes to that since I'm emotionally blind.



I agree, I definitely need to base the relationship on compatibility, acceptance, connectivity, understanding, trust and communication, I think those are the most important values when it comes to having a successful long term relationship. You are right, I need someone who is going to accept me for who I am instead of a preconceived perspective of who I am expected to be. I feel that it can work both ways, I can put a high standard on my partner by expecting her to read every trait and behavior of AS. I think if I can express certain traits and explain them to my partner, it would save frustration so again, it relates to having mutual understanding and clear communication with each other.

You keep talking about yourself in an unproductive way and that only reinforces that negative self image that you hold. I'm sure that you could live a healthy and productive lifestyle, you just need to focus on what is important. I'm definitely not advanced, I simply didn't sit in the corner feeling pity for myself or making excuses instead I accept criticism and work hard to improve myself.

You always complain about not being able to cook, groom, drive or meet women so let me ask you this.

How many social events have you attended this year?
How many women have you approached this year?
How many driving lessons have you done this year?
How many cookery classes have you been to this year?
How many Job positions have you applied for this year?

I think MR20's too depressed right now to work hard, at least with a clarity of mind that would promote success or improvement.

Well at least that's my perception. But we'll see how he replies.

And even some attractive ones too, sometimes.

in bold

I don't know if it's possible, but could you compromise your life's goal?

Maybe you can't have a decently paying full time job - but maybe you could have a part time menial job, where you work alone, if you get some help acquiring it and have a patient boss.

Maybe you can't live independently in your own home - but maybe you could live in a group home with other low-functioning people.

And maybe you can't go on dates with attractive females - but maybe you could internet chat with dumb, ugly women.

I don't know if these achievements would bring you any pleasure. They do sound more manageable though, yes?

imagine. years and years have gone by. mistakes have been made, with some fun and fantasy and illusion lost along the way. decades are laughing at you. decades of responsibilities shouldered, and some sloughed off to fall in the pit of regret.
what do you see when you look at yourself there. what have you done, what have you chased down, where are you in relationship to you? are you a person willing to accept the work. what about of consequences...
relationships are not about what you dream about as a young person. relationships are about time moving on and the dance of giving and receiving what the other person has to give you.
ask your self; do you want to have a lovely, honest relationship with your own self then you might be ready for a relationship with an actual woman.

Painful experiences hurt a lot. But it's good to have them, because these situations make you learn and think about what you want and what you need and what are the things you need to change about yourself. IF you are smart enough to listen, of course.

Compatibility and communication are very important, and when I mean communication, I do mean on being able to tell your partner about your needs, and about your AS. And even about the fact you don't know how to support them emotionally even if you wanted to. It's possible to learn these things, but it takes time and it's important to be with someone who understands you and your AS.

MR20, you'll get over it with time. Just remember relationships are a b*tch. It can be nothing but a prison for certain people.

Be happy you don't have any of the burdens that people in relationships have to bear. Just go out and have some f*cking fun for your own sake and happiness. Don't expect any girl to fall for you and don't pay attention to any of the false hopes being given to you via this forum.

If you're unattractive, it's ok. You can be single and still rise above this whole sh*tty world with a much better mindset than what you have now.

this is a beautiful sentiment. wow.

I wish I could get over it. I wish didn't I have the need for dating/making friends, then I could just spent most of my time on my special interests. No worries, drama, pressure, etc.

I remember feeling this way when I was a lot younger. I had a few so called "friends" back then. I had to deal with a lot of social pressure, ridicule, drama, and I rarely ever had any time to myself. It's one of the main reasons I've stuck to myself in the past few years.

I figured, what's the use of having friends if things are going to be this way.

I see so many attractive women with unattractive men time and time again that I don't think it is wise or productive to self evaluate your own physical attractiveness as a barometer as to whether or not you are going to succeed in getting into a relationship.I think it is a myth that people with AS [or people who are having difficulty getting into a relationship] have their standards set too high in possible romantic partners.In most cases that has nothing to do with it.In all likelihood most men with with AS are simply not approaching and interacting with enough single available women .They are not asking women out.

Hey everybody..........


I really don't like the ideas of "practice girls" I just don't think it would even be right to waste my time or anybody else's by giving them false hopes or even going down this road. It just doesn't appeal to me. I would also be concerned that such a practice relationship might become permanent when I never intended it to be if there was a pregnancy or something like that.

I doubt this would happen anyway, as its virtually impossible for me to get aroused unless some very specific things are in place, and I have to feel that gut feeling for me to even get aroused.

Perhaps not but why does a sexual or romantic relationship have to come out of it? If you are friends with a girl or a certain social circle, you might receive more invites to certain social events and parties, that will open your chances of meeting someone you like and when you have a mutual friend or group of friends in common, they will feel more comfortable around you.