Sleeping with someone who's in a relationship

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Just because you can't see how someone can justify sleeping with someone else's partner doesn't mean that the OP, or myself, or any number of other people can't. Heck, I can think of multiple reasons how someone could justify it.

Again, if it's something you find to be immoral based on the moral code you follow for yourself, then it's not for you and don't do it. Simple as that. But it's not your place to pass judgement on how other people live their personal lives simply because they're not living them how you choose to live yours.

Fair enough. Next time you ever accuse somebody on this forum of being immoral I'll remind you of this thread though.

No need; should I ever do such a thing, simply remind me that they don't live by my moral code.

Acting in a manner in which it is reasonable to believe may hurt another person is unethical.

So, then, by what you said here vs. what the OP posted.. it's the female in the scenario he described who would be unethical. She's the one in a relationship and it was her promise not to sleep around. The OP has no such relationship with her boyfriend and made no such promise. Further, he has no reason to believe him sleeping with anyone is going to hurt the girl's boyfriend. But the boyfriend's girlfriend does. So, as the OP explained, her boyfriend's feelings being hurt are her problem, not the OP's. The OP isn't doing anything to hurt anyone, in fact quite the opposite as I'm sure mutual pleasure was intended.

Why do you think he has no reason to believe his relationship with the other man's girlfriend won't hurt the other man? I think that there is a good chance that it would has already been made clear to him.

I see you are an aspiring accountant. In the United States, if an accountant has reason to believe a client is commiting some type of financial crime...embezzling, fraud, tax evasion, money laundering, and they fail to report it, they can be charged as an accomplice. The radius of responsibility extends past the primary agent.

Because, as the OP explained, the girl's bf doesn't know him or have any knowledge of him. The hurt would be caused by the gf who told her bf she wouldn't sleep with other people. Doesn't matter who the other guy is, it's the girl's actions that would be hurtful to her bf. Same as the OP explained about how he was upset with his ex for sleeping with someone else, but not with the guy that banged her. He blamed his gf, as she was the one who made a commitment to him, not some random unknown dude.

My signature references Ben Affleck's ASD character in the movie "The Accountant." I have no interest in bean counting for a living. Rather, like the OP who's currently in medical school - that's my long term goal. No one has a duty to report to anyone that some woman is sleeping around on their boyfriend. It's not a crime to be horny, sexually attracted to someone, and act on it IF you choose to do so.

Candies are full of sugar; harmful for babies.

This.

Puppies could be rabid & bitey, face kicks necessary for self defence.

I don't see a reason for the OP to even start this thread if there weren't any doubts about the ethics of the situation.

I understand where those of you who claim the OP is doing nothing wrong are coming from because the logic of my younger, less socially developed self would have brought me to the same conclusions. The problem with the logic that has brought many of you to the conclusion that the OPs participation in this relationship is not unethical, is it is too distilled in that it fails to take in to account the greater context of social relationships in the NT world. Because many of you likely cannot perceive this dimension, you cannot take in to account the variables it contains in to your reasoning process.

However be advised that your conclusions on this matter are at odds with the NT world and those who are a party to infidelity take substantial risks to their reputation and safety.

^Nah, I'm very well aware of all of those things.

I'm not saying it's personally my thing to do, but, I know people who've done it all their life with no qualms about it and they openly talk about it with their close friends. I think that's a part of why I'm kinda "Meh, humans are animals too.. they bone." I've heard stories from several others doing this, too - all NT's btw. It's one of those things that's a bit of a double standard here their attitudes are like "Yeah, yeah, we're supposed to care about this and not do it, but whatever, it feels good and I can get away with it & I'm desirable by these people, so F it here we go!" It's not like EVERY guy is like this, but it's not exactly hens teeth uncommon, either.

I've also heard complaints from a friend who was cheated on and how bad he felt and he was sure to express that he felt that people shouldn't do it knowingly with people in relationships because of how bad it makes the cheated on feel and all that - so I get that perspective, too. In the end, though, just to bring it back to the OP.. as much as my friend was telling me I shouldn't sleep with someone with a partner enabling their extra-relationship affair, his own complaints were not about the people his partner slept with - they were about his partner choosing to do it and be hurtful and disrespectful of him and their relationship commitments.

I'm aware of all parts of this. I'm just not super judgemental of what others do & don't do with their genitals, especially since I grew up hearing stories of others' sexual escapades, and am myself a part of a "different," part of society being in the gay community where hookups are normalized and open relationships are common.

Yeah...I’m purely practical terms I’m gonna have to agree here.

I see it a bit differently if you want to get philosophical about it, not in response to Chronos, but to a few of the justifications for cheating or getting involved in it.

I do think that there is such a thing as objective morality. I also think that there is a tendency for many to deny or reject it. What I’m seeing here is a tendency to rationalize. Rationalizing bad choices is just telling rational lies. Telling yourself whatever you need to feel better about taking part in something that is destructive to the self, to others, or to society as a whole.

Consider these, and yes, I’m purposefully limiting my examples for lack of time today:

Porn. Zoophilia. Incest. Murder.

Porn: it’s nobody’s business what I do in my home and my own time. Doesn’t matter if she’s contracting HIV right now. Doesn’t matter if that one is a sex slave. That’s someone else’s problem, not mine.

Zoophilia: he’s my pet. He gets horny and wants a hole like all males do, so I’m really helping him feel good. This isn’t animal abuse because it’s consensual. What I do behind closed doors is nobody’s business.

Incest: my daughter was taken from me at birth and I only just now found out after it was already too late. We can’t help that we fell in love, and nobody has the right to tell us who we can/can’t love, and we love each other. What we do behind closed doors is nobody’s business.

Murder: he had it coming.

Wrong is wrong, and no amount of hand waving or rational lies can change that. When you participate in cheating, I think you DO victimize the cheater in that you played a part in manipulating her into doing something wrong by encouraging the destructive behavior. To put it in a more extreme context, it’s like selling a gun to someone who always talks about wanting to kill [n-word]. What he does with a gun isn’t your problem, right?

What a woman does with her body or what her pimp forces her to do for money isn’t your problem, right?

What someone does with a close relative in the bedroom isn’t your problem, right?

What someone does with a pet behind closed doors isn’t your problem, right?

No, it typically doesn’t BECOME a problem until it’s right in your backyard, when someone you care about becomes a victim of human trafficking or contracts an incurable disease; when someone who you cared about but didn’t want to treat like a “stupid little girl” ends up pregnant, abused, or dead; when someone with “more testosterone than you” pursues your loved one aggressively; when you hear gunshots next door and the next night an armed robber has a gun in your face; your spouse or child steals from you or crushes you with debt after hiding a drug addiction.

It’s not a matter of someone having to die or suffer extraordinarily horrific consequences. It’s a matter of how much one perceives there to be a problem and to what extent someone feeds the beast. It’s never a problem until someone MAKES it your problem. That’s the exact moment morality stops being relativistic.

Until then, it’s easy to blame the cheater for YOUR indiscretion when you slept with her. It’s easy to blame HER when you took advantage of her at a weak point in her relationship. It’s easy to blame the SO for not taking care of her needs when you are more than ready and willing to do the job.

It’s destructive. I won’t lie...I’ve been in bad places before and done exactly the opposite of what I say to do. I don’t say that lightly, but if you really understand that cheating or participating in it really isn’t a victimless crime, you might make decisions that benefit people with more positive outcomes.

Yeah.. except that sex between two consenting adults is completely incomparable to any of the things you listed. You seem to like to compare things you don't think others should do with the most vile, heinous, non-comparables you can conceive of in an attempt to equate them & justify your stance on telling others what they should and shouldn't do with their lives. Meanwhile, all it really does is weaken your argument because your comparisons are so ridiculously absurd that they're laughable.

Are those things wrong or not?

Anyway, even though I don't find it particularly ethical, the point of my original post was that I don't blame the OP one bit. A guy's got to go after the women who fancy him. If cheaters are the only ones who are into him then that's who he has to work with.