Even medicine isn't helping me

Post Reply New Topic

The social atmosphere has nothing to do with it. Ideally, you're there to learn, not to socialize. Yes, it's great to have friends and other people to back you, but if you can't have that, you focus on your coursework. That's the reason you're there.

(I went back to school at an older age than you - I was 35 - and I was in school with a bunch of 20 year olds. So I had no one to hang out with and no social groups. But I didn't care because that's not why I was there. I did my work, got good grades and graduated at the top of my class. That was the point.)

So do you go into it with a degree program in mind or do you just take courses that you like? Because you do have to have some sort of plan. Just taking stuff you like (like music, art, etc.) isn't going to lead to a degree in something you can actually use to ultimately better yourself and get out on your own.

What are you good at? What are your strengths? If you're good with your hands, there are trade skills you can potentially look at.

I've never applied for a degree program. The mandatory math requirement blocked that option and so did my damn job. The courses besides the math ones I took were ones I thought I would find my niche in or ones others recommended to me. I was depressed back then (And I still am) so my mental energy was always suffering and seeing people hanging out as well as couples holding hands while I was alone didn't help things.

My mother did once try to help me get into a club and the only one that the college club coordinator at the time could think for me was an LGBT club that also allowed straight allies (As they are sometimes called) but my mother refused that because she felt like I would either get raped or others would think I was gay. I tried to set up a club but the club coordinator I talked to refused to help me, demanding I talk to others first but I couldn't approach anyone due to the fact they were absorbed into their cellphones. The coordinator had no problem starting clubs for the ghetto kids, though. She probably thought I was a rich kid and didn't need help because I am not ghetto.

I am not good with my hands. My hands are very weak for a guy's to the point handshakes feel painful for me. My stupid and fat father also didn't take the time to teach me any of his skills, he just wanted to get even fatter and screw his mistresses. I don't have any sort of strengths because of the stupid rednecks, ghetto thugs, and religious morons ruining everything for me.

Okay no one is responsible for you. Only you are responsible for yourself.

If you fell asleep during class, didn't complete coursework, didn't do assignments - whatever - that's no one's fault but your own.

If there's one thing you need to learn it's accountability.

I don't know what to say. No one can do this for you. You have to do it yourself.

If anybody goes to college to socialize, they're going to college for the wrong reason.

But from what I experienced there as well as saw on people's MySpaces and Facebook pages there was a lot of socialization. People who went before would tell me it was a blast and they met their husbands/wives there. A lot of my high school classmates told me that is where their parents met and where I would find love as well. My mother even wanted me to get a vasectomy because she thought I would get a girl pregnant. It didn't happen.

If your mother wants you go get a vasectomy, she should get a hysterectomy, and your brother should get a vasectomy, too.

Don't listen to that garbage.

I hope you do find your way to college some day.

Yeah...but a lot of these same people are only there on student loans while spend most of their time staying drunk/high, having sex, and skipping class to recover from the weekend. If they even make it to graduation they aren’t going to amount to much in the grand scheme of things.

Smart people are better than that and use the experience for what it was originally intended.

I had an undergrad gf while I was earning my 2nd college degree. She was super nice and understood that with me MUSIC always came first. She was a music major, also, and happened to be very inexperienced with relationships. So we shared meals, studied together, and might have been lucky to have half an hour a day for bf/gf stuff. It was kinda cool because she was my accompanist while, as a college veteran, I got to coach her through some of the trickier aspects of college life. It worked out because I didn’t pressure her other than to make sure she took care of school work.

As such, we both did well in college, although I wish she’d made more intelligent career decisions...but it’s her life.

Oh...and...um...we’re NOT together. Our relationship was entirely too short and quickly ran it’s course, as awesome as it was from start to finish.

Compare with my own undergrad days...

I got caught up in parties, drinking, girls... Not to the extent other guys did, but my gf and fraternity ALWAYS took the top spots in my life. I refused to compromise on practice time, but my studying suffered. I suffered for it because it took summer sessions plus an extra semester to get my grades up for my internship, plus I had to retake one part of my Praxis exam.

The only reason you should be occupied with women is if you’re majoring in women’s studies, which...well, that’s an actual thing now. If you are crazy enough to do that, don’t EVEN think about asking a classmate out. It won’t go well.

Now, I DID meet my wife in college. How well did she do with a social life and an abusive bf she was running from? She flunked out of nursing school TWICE. She did eventually earn a degree in psychology and is about to take a new position in early childhood development with a view to going BACK to school in elementary education. We’re only together after being on-again/off-again until she finally hit me with an ultimatum. I’m glad we’re together. But things could have been handled a much better way with much better outcomes for us both.

If you go to school, you are much better off without the drama. Study. Everything else will work itself out in it’s own time.

I hated drinking and partying while in school, but I also had some of my best romances (distance type) in high school and college, so I definitely don't regret not following your advice. And studying wasn't harmed by those. I think the reverse was the case. So, I don't think people should only focus on studies and ignore romances. They might miss a lot if they do. But I think ignoring heavy partying would be a good idea if you are ND. I hardly think it would do you any good to participate in that anyway.

You are all WAY underestimating the value of socializing and networking at college/uni in terms of how it paves the way for job offers and opens doors to career & business opportunities. It’s also good for education/academic/research opportunities. Socializing and networking are not useless and should not be avoided in order to solely focus on studying.

I would have to agree with this. Ever heard the saying "it's not about what you know, but who you know." You can be really smart but if you can't show or sell that(which many with autism can't do.) then really being smart does you no good, people can't read your mind to hear how smart you are.

If all it took was just going to college and getting a diploma then many more people would have jobs. Thing is, a diploma is really a piece of paper that tells you what you accomplished(sometimes doesn't even do that.) what you do with it determines how effective that piece of paper will be. We have many people in high places and I guarantee you, it isn't because they're smart or have a diploma...if they even have one!

Last edited by AquaineBay on 21 May 2018, 6:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.

But if I explained why the club coordinator refused to help me, you wouldn't believe me.

I don’t regret the relationships. I regret allowing those things to complicate my education.

My ex fiancée was whiny in the extreme. After my first year of college, having survived partying to the point I almost lost my scholarship, I was looking forward to summer and applying to work as a counselor at a music camp I’d attended EVERY summer since taking up clarinet in 6th grade. She talked me out of it saying “oh you ALWAYS go. You need to just take the summer off.” And when she followed me to college the next year (I was a year ahead), she complained because I had to practice, or I had a concert, or I had a recital, or a weekly fraternity meeting, or a fraternity function, or a fundraiser, or a gig, or I had a listening assignment in the library, or I had a project, or or or or.... or she didn’t like how I spoke to this other girl (I spoke to another girl?), or she doesn’t like this other girl who spoke to me (she did?), or she doesn’t like my mom/stepfather/friends/frat brothers, or she’s going around telling all her friends how stupid I am, or or or or... I mean, it NEVER stopped.

I don’t expect many people to have my experience or worse. But college kids are not known for maturity and superior decision-making. Every chance you get, do yourself a favor and keep your educational drama to a minimum.

My wife and I got thrown together in and out of bad relationships. I was rebounding after two back-to-back relationships and life really sucked for me at that point in time. Her bf was abusive and she felt trapped. The last thing I expected was for us to end up together, but there you go.

In any case, all that bad stuff didn’t have to happen and it probably cost me heavily in terms of grades.

I would normally agree with you on this one thing, however, in this case the OP seems to have made college not at all about learning or studying, but about Finding A Girlfriend. So part of the reason he has not been successful with university is because he's unable to focus on the real reason he should be there, which is to follow through on his goal and complete his studies.

Socializing/networking in the way of laying the foundation for a career is a vital part of the college experience. That’s something you should be getting out of your classes anyway.

But there are better ways of doing that. Participating in service organizations. Doing volunteer work and fundraising. GOOD social frats who make their members live out their rituals every day instead of staying drunk all the time. Wise choices of internships. And if possible mentoring younger students or getting involved in youth programs. Taking part time jobs in a field closely related to your major. Reading peer-reviewed journals and relevant periodicals related to your major. You do as much of that as you can AFTER you hit the books and complete your projects and papers.

It’s kinda hard to do all that with a gf hanging all over you and placing demands on your time. It’s hard taking exams when you were up all night and still recovering from a hangover.

It’s also amazing what you can accomplish without even going to college. I’m not going to push college on my kids. I’m not paying for it. If they go, I’ll support them as much as I can. But I’m not giving them money to drink and go out with girls. I’m not paying frat dues. I’m not buying cars or gas. I’m not paying rent. Kids tend to take things more seriously the more that’s at stake, so I look forward to seeing how inventive they become in working out a college or career path.

I didn't even go to an university. It was a community college.

All your posts indicate that you don't want me to have a girlfriend and to just be a mindless robot like my mother wants me to be.

Community college is the same as regular college.

The credits count the same.