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Why do we struggle with romance?

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Hollywood_Guy
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15 Jun 2018, 5:44 pm

hurtloam wrote:
Hollywood_Guy wrote:
sly279 wrote:
Islam is the same god. He wants to punish people, if people kill themslves they escape his punishment. God hates me that’s why he sent me here with such contradictions as punishment. He made me a social people person then made it so I’d never be able to fulfill those needs by making me defective so I’d never be good enough for any woman.
So I live alone secluded away from people slowly dying inside as god wanted. I must been a Nazi in past life or some other horrible person.

I have same feelings about God. I didn't stop believing in him, but I don't think that he is a loving, good God anymore. It sucks because everyone tells me I need to still accept God no matter what, and these same people seem to not show any empathy because they'll all dress it up in positive speaking. Now I think he sounds like a kind of universal dictator, entrapping us between just living here, worshiping in his manner (manor) for eternity or being punished in disgusting torment for eternity. I don't "choose" to be damned to Hell or suffer for eternity, it's not really my fault that the system is corrupted and it can harder to function as a result. You can only do so much in such a setup.


I've been there. And people telling you just to have more faith does not help... at all.

I'm still a Christian. I thing I've noticed is that even though some people are rubbish at being caring there's things about Christianity that I totally agree with. The basics... love your neighbour and so on. If people would stop thinking about building their own materialistic little bubbles and actually reach out to others the world would be a better place. So my rationale is that I can't control how others apply their faith and what they do. I am responsible for how I act and I'm going to keep at it. I'm going to try my best to be the kind of person that makes the world a better place and just forget about all the people who made me feel disillusioned.

Things have changed for me. I've moved. I made new friends and they seem to be quite positive people. It's been a horrible road to get here, but I'm in a good place now mentally and locationwise.

I sometimes feel a bit put out... Why did it have to take so long for me to find my niche.? I've been struggling for years and years. But if I take a positive spin on it, all that pain I went through has made me a more empathetic and understanding person. I don't believe in pre-destination or anything like that. I don't believe anyone's life is meant to happen a certain way. I'm just Trying now to have a positive outlook and draw some wisdom from the bad experiences I had and use that to move forward.

Still single. Met someone recently who seemed ideal for me... nd me for him. He seemed to really like me. But he turns out to be commitment phobic so that didn't work. I don't think I'm going to ever manage this romance thing, but I've just got to work with the life of got and try and find happiness in what I've got.


What really makes me angry is that they only want to talk about God to where they don't want to reason with my own personal issues or feelings.



Ecomatt91
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15 Jun 2018, 5:59 pm

The problem we ALL struggle as young humans is being insecure and lack of passion in life. Lot of women we insecure of who I am as being confident, motivated and career driven. They can't change their minds learning about someone's differences. NTs are social dumb creatures when they don't learn a thing or two but of course there quite few Aspies are dumb intentionally. No offense here. My point is not just happening with us Aspies. NTs cope this as well. Look at Reddit threads.

Lot of comments on Reddit saying the word of 'insecure' many times. It has reflected my life when I whinged a lot about myself comparing to people in my networks who seen as more successful than I am. I realised that the problem is me, I need to develop passion in life.

The difference between Aspie and NT brains is perspective. Communication and social skills are a same. It just we are more quirky. I met lot of NTs lack of passion in their lives coping same words of 'i need women, lets go to the bar' kind of situation. That is pure example of insecure.



sly279
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15 Jun 2018, 6:56 pm

hurtloam wrote:
Hollywood_Guy wrote:
sly279 wrote:
Islam is the same god. He wants to punish people, if people kill themslves they escape his punishment. God hates me that’s why he sent me here with such contradictions as punishment. He made me a social people person then made it so I’d never be able to fulfill those needs by making me defective so I’d never be good enough for any woman.
So I live alone secluded away from people slowly dying inside as god wanted. I must been a Nazi in past life or some other horrible person.

I have same feelings about God. I didn't stop believing in him, but I don't think that he is a loving, good God anymore. It sucks because everyone tells me I need to still accept God no matter what, and these same people seem to not show any empathy because they'll all dress it up in positive speaking. Now I think he sounds like a kind of universal dictator, entrapping us between just living here, worshiping in his manner (manor) for eternity or being punished in disgusting torment for eternity. I don't "choose" to be damned to Hell or suffer for eternity, it's not really my fault that the system is corrupted and it can harder to function as a result. You can only do so much in such a setup.


I've been there. And people telling you just to have more faith does not help... at all.

I'm still a Christian. I thing I've noticed is that even though some people are rubbish at being caring there's things about Christianity that I totally agree with. The basics... love your neighbour and so on. If people would stop thinking about building their own materialistic little bubbles and actually reach out to others the world would be a better place. So my rationale is that I can't control how others apply their faith and what they do. I am responsible for how I act and I'm going to keep at it. I'm going to try my best to be the kind of person that makes the world a better place and just forget about all the people who made me feel disillusioned.

Things have changed for me. I've moved. I made new friends and they seem to be quite positive people. It's been a horrible road to get here, but I'm in a good place now mentally and locationwise.

I sometimes feel a bit put out... Why did it have to take so long for me to find my niche.? I've been struggling for years and years. But if I take a positive spin on it, all that pain I went through has made me a more empathetic and understanding person. I don't believe in pre-destination or anything like that. I don't believe anyone's life is meant to happen a certain way. I'm just Trying now to have a positive outlook and draw some wisdom from the bad experiences I had and use that to move forward.

Still single. Met someone recently who seemed ideal for me... nd me for him. He seemed to really like me. But he turns out to be commitment phobic so that didn't work. I don't think I'm going to ever manage this romance thing, but I've just got to work with the life of got and try and find happiness in what I've got.


I’m still a Christian just realized god super hates me and is punishing me or tormenting me since birth



kraftiekortie
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15 Jun 2018, 7:00 pm

WTF Sly. Why would God hate you?

You don't do wrong things. You're not a criminal.

You're a pretty regular guy who's struggling a little bit.

Why do you feel anxious walking?



hurtloam
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16 Jun 2018, 2:31 am

Hollywood_Guy wrote:
What really makes me angry is that they only want to talk about God to where they don't want to reason with my own personal issues or feelings.


That's a pain. Some people just don't understand that a huge part of communication is listening.

There's also the fact that many people just don't know how to talk about feelings. They fall back on platitudes. I really do think some people fall back on "you must have faith" or "trust in God and it will be ok" as a platitude when they don't know what to say. I've got a friend who sends me inspirational quotes which I hate. I need a conversation of substance to work through feeling not a pat on the head and being told to just feel better.

Totally relate.



hurtloam
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16 Jun 2018, 3:24 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
WTF Sly. Why would God hate you?

You don't do wrong things. You're not a criminal.

You're a pretty regular guy who's struggling a little bit.

Why do you feel anxious walking?


I know. Sly is really decent person.

But I understand where he's coming from. Depression distorts your own view of yourself. You can't see your own worth.

When you see other people getting on in life, hitting those regular becoming an adult milestones, you begin to think, "what's so awful about me that i can't live a normal life? Why do I get the short straw?

And so... I began to feel like God's blessings are like when rich kids get expensive toys from Santa. If you got social skills already, you get the things social skills bring. And those annoying people who fall into a relationship and get along happily will say, "I'm so blessed." That's not a blessing, it's dumb luck of your genetics. You're just fortunate enough not to be so weird that your pool of prospective mates is large.

Those of us who are a little odd have a smaller pool. Goodness knows I don't want a shallow, soccer loving, big car driving, perfect house having regular person. I want someone like me. And those people are rare. Is that God's fault? I suppose there's a philosophical debate in that, but should I blame God for this more than the fact that I have sciatica. Or should I go seek out a way to relieve the sciatica rather than going about my life in pain.

Anyway. I think when people oversimplify their own faith, when you compare yourself to them you feel short changed. Don't compare yourself to other people. Work out your own niche and look for things within your own circumstances that can bring you happiness.

Still think you should see a Dr about the depression Sly.



sly279
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16 Jun 2018, 5:33 pm

God made us all, god has a plan for everyone
So god made me a people person who needs a romantic relationship and friends, but also made me so defective I’d never have those things. So it’s a torment or punishment for something I did in past life. Maybe that’s the real hell living new life’s over and over being tormented.



sly279
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16 Jun 2018, 5:39 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
WTF Sly. Why would God hate you?

You don't do wrong things. You're not a criminal.

You're a pretty regular guy who's struggling a little bit.

Why do you feel anxious walking?


I’ve sinned but plenty of people in relationships sin plus the punishment starter at birth, don’t know what horrible sin I could have done as a fetus, so I can only imagine I was some horrible monster in a past life and this one is punishment for it. That or since I was suppose to die as a baby there is no plan for me, no person for me, no friends for me. I’m an unplanned for anomaly and defective.
Others don’t even see me as human.

Because I do. And because others will see me and others will be upset I’m walking by their home and I may be attacked by a mugger. I have anxiety attacks thinking about doing it so whys it matter why?
I don’t get them going to the gym. Gyms private and it’s notmal to walk on treadmill. Still I get judged there but less then walking around a rich neighborhood. Gyms safer too and has air conditioning. So besides far less anxiety it’s just a much better place then walking outside



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17 Jun 2018, 8:47 am

Oh yeah. Air conditioning. Here in the UK it's rarely too hot to go for a walk outside.

It's good you've got a place to go where you feel comfortable exercising.

Has your gym got the big heavy ropes that you throw about? The PT who did my induction showed me how to use them and I felt a bit self conscious at first dragging them out into the gym, but he told me to mix that up with my walking and it would help me burn weight. I also like the medicine balls. I just lift them up over my head and throw them on the ground. Its a good way to get the anger out lol.

It's a shame all us on this thread don't all live near each other. We could all go on a trek through the countryside. That would be fun. Maybe have a bbq.



rdos
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17 Jun 2018, 8:55 am

hurtloam wrote:
,
Those of us who are a little odd have a smaller pool. Goodness knows I don't want a shallow, soccer loving, big car driving, perfect house having regular person. I want someone like me. And those people are rare. Is that God's fault? I suppose there's a philosophical debate in that, but should I blame God for this more than the fact that I have sciatica. Or should I go seek out a way to relieve the sciatica rather than going about my life in pain.


I don't think the main problem is the size of the dating pool. It's large enough, especially if you do online dating. The problem is how to find people that are compatible. Online dating mostly cannot be used to find other NDs, because online dating is all about NT preferences and how NTs can find people that share their interests, cultural preferences and similar. It's probably easier to find other NDs in real life, but that requires an ND "radar", and your potential pool will indeed be smaller (but still usable if you have the ND radar).

So, the main problem is that everybody is doing dating and try to fit in with NTs relationship preferences. That's the real problem as an ND.



hurtloam
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17 Jun 2018, 9:03 am

rdos wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
,
Those of us who are a little odd have a smaller pool. Goodness knows I don't want a shallow, soccer loving, big car driving, perfect house having regular person. I want someone like me. And those people are rare. Is that God's fault? I suppose there's a philosophical debate in that, but should I blame God for this more than the fact that I have sciatica. Or should I go seek out a way to relieve the sciatica rather than going about my life in pain.


I don't think the main problem is the size of the dating pool. It's large enough, especially if you do online dating. The problem is how to find people that are compatible. Online dating mostly cannot be used to find other NDs, because online dating is all about NT preferences and how NTs can find people that share their interests, cultural preferences and similar. It's probably easier to find other NDs in real life, but that requires an ND "radar", and your potential pool will indeed be smaller (but still usable if you have the ND radar).

So, the main problem is that everybody is doing dating and try to fit in with NTs relationship preferences. That's the real problem as an ND.


I meant the pool of compatible people. I agree the pool in general is huge. I've met loads of men in my life... none have been compatible so far. That connection is never there. I always feel like we're communicating on really different levels.

This guy I've met recently is the only one who has made me feel like I'm not weird. Took me 36 years to meet him... and even then, I'm not sure how this is going to turn out. Its just amazing talking to someone who gets it. And you know how I tend to feel connections to people on another level, those have been strong vibes in the past, but disruptive and unsettling. This guy has a good vibe. As soon as I met him I knew he was ND.



rdos
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17 Jun 2018, 9:35 am

hurtloam wrote:
,,
I meant the pool of compatible people. I agree the pool in general is huge. I've met loads of men in my life... none have been compatible so far. That connection is never there. I always feel like we're communicating on really different levels.

This guy I've met recently is the only one who has made me feel like I'm not weird. Took me 36 years to meet him... and even then, I'm not sure how this is going to turn out. Its just amazing talking to someone who gets it. And you know how I tend to feel connections to people on another level, those have been strong vibes in the past, but disruptive and unsettling. This guy has a good vibe. As soon as I met him I knew he was ND.


Still, you are lucky to have met somebody like that. Many people don't seem to ever get to that point, and it took me longer. OTOH, we can communicate completely without words, which is truly amazing since I always thought that is the way a couple should communicate. You never should need to resort to verbal communication, especially not to communicate feelings.

I think a very real problem is that you cannot form a natural connection if you do dating, or start by talking to each other. The brain then will use this as the default, and won't put down the effort in creating a natural connection.



hurtloam
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17 Jun 2018, 10:56 am

rdos wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
,,
I meant the pool of compatible people. I agree the pool in general is huge. I've met loads of men in my life... none have been compatible so far. That connection is never there. I always feel like we're communicating on really different levels.

This guy I've met recently is the only one who has made me feel like I'm not weird. Took me 36 years to meet him... and even then, I'm not sure how this is going to turn out. Its just amazing talking to someone who gets it. And you know how I tend to feel connections to people on another level, those have been strong vibes in the past, but disruptive and unsettling. This guy has a good vibe. As soon as I met him I knew he was ND.


Still, you are lucky to have met somebody like that. Many people don't seem to ever get to that point, and it took me longer. OTOH, we can communicate completely without words, which is truly amazing since I always thought that is the way a couple should communicate. You never should need to resort to verbal communication, especially not to communicate feelings.

I think a very real problem is that you cannot form a natural connection if you do dating, or start by talking to each other. The brain then will use this as the default, and won't put down the effort in creating a natural connection.


Well, I'm not going to say I'm lucky yet. I've had several false starts over the years. We'll just see how it goes.