Slys dating site advice help thread.

Post Reply New Topic

So, from this you should have learned that women tend to have standards & that you're not quite meeting them yet. From that you should devise an action plan of what you're going to do in terms of working on yourself until you meet or exceed those standards, thus opening up your potential dating pool to TONS of women. Yay!

You don’t owe me an apology. I am sorry for upsetting you, it wasn’t the intention. My intention is to try to solve a problem. I think it’s probably for the best if I stop offering you advice. Feminine brains are more leaning towards empathy and male brains problem solving. I have a masculine brain, and you a feminine one, so you’re right, I may not be of much use.

Self reflection, one of my finer points

You think? I'm pretty sure you can't get much more unhappy than suicidal.. soooo... yeah, of course it's possible for sly to be happier than he currently is!

Sorry, I just meant if other people bring you happiness you may not be as happy as you can be around others, but it doesn’t mean you can’t still be happyish. I’m probably bad at wording things.

Your confusing words make sense. We've been telling sly that for dozens of pages. That, yes, people can be happy to see other people or have them in their lives, but they can also be happy in all by themselves because other people cannot bestow happiness upon them. Happiness comes from within - it's an emotion generated by experiencing happy thoughts. Sly thinks he's the only person on the planet this doesn't apply to, which is interesting, really.. he seems to think so lowly of himself in virtually all aspects, but then simultaneously thinks that he's so unique that the quality of his thoughts don't determine the quality of his mood. Fascinating that a guy who thinks he's one in 7.6 Billion kind of unique could possibly be so down himself.

I really don't understand how goldfish has the energy and time to write these walls of messages to sly that will ultimately get completely ignored

I feel like it's because Goldfish was able to get out from the Abyss. He found a ladder to get out from the Abyss. He wants to share that ladder with others.

He does it in a sort of rough and blunt manner. But that's his method. Some therapists use rough and blunt; others use more subtle methods.

I'm not the rough and blunt type, I'm just me. This is the personality of Goldfish. And it got him to the point where he is now.

This is just what I thought about during the many many past pages of this thread.

About dating sites and messages:

Sly, I think you're way too nervous about it. Seriously somewhere - I don't remember if in this thread or another - you considered not replying to a woman because someone on here upset you. If you would like to date that woman and she messaged you, you reply to her. It's as simple as that and it shouldn't have anything to do with someone else saying something mean to you or something you perceive as mean. If you have a chance you take it.
It probably makes sense that you avoid messaging women who have things on their profile that rule you out as a potential partner. If one of them messages you first I see only two reasons why you shouldn't reply.
1) You think she's leading you on, has some ulterior motives etc.
2) Her attitude is so off putting you wouldn't want to date her. (or she's just so unattractive you wouldn't want to date her)
If she messages you first it's her responsibility to have read your profile.

And more general:

If you want to date you need to be datable - no, I don't mean have a car, good job etc. - but you actually need to be able to go on a date... even if it rains. Did that one woman tell you she was no loner interested because you don't have a car or was that your own conclusion? Now I don't know how your conversation with her went, but I'd be kinda confused if a guy told me we couldn't meet because it rains and I'd probably come to the conclusion that he really lacks in flexibility. I don't care if he has a car, but if we can't meet if it rains it would be difficult to make a relationship work.

It happened - think about how to not let it happen again. Make a list of things you could do with a date even if it rains. Or if there's nothing completely for free in your area you can do when the weather is bad save up a little bit of money. Don't be completely broke at the end of the month. Put a tiny amount of money aside for a few months so that you have a little bit emergency money just in case.

I'm completely exhausted when I read to the end of one.

Sly lives in an area where it rains A LOT. Especially in the winter.

And something likely not applicable:

You have a job that takes money away from you instead of earning you more money (because you loose disability money)? Or am I getting anything wrong? Would you have more money again if you quit your job? Now, I am not saying you should quit your job. If nothing else you get some social interaction through your job and it keeps you occupied and maybe distracted from your depressive thoughts. I'm just saying that, in case quitting would indeed improve your financial situation, you should think about what if you quit your job? Would it open any new opportunities. Would you be using the time you no longer spend doing your job trying anything new or would you just mope around?
Is there any volunteer work in your area you could do and would like enough? Like that you'd have a job and slightly more money than you do now (if you'd get more disability money again).
It'd also give you more time and maybe a little bit of money to maybe try some of the meetup things hale_bopp suggested or something else.
So, if it'd not be bad for your financial situation and if you'd actually be using your time trying to improve your situation, maybe it's something to consider. Unless your job or interacting with people there is crucial for what little mental well-being you may have left or you're not as sure that your job will keep reducing rather than increasing your money.

I'm not from America... soo no idea how things actually work there.

Which is one more reason to think about things he can do even if it rains.

I know Sly should answer.

But here in America, if you make over a certain amount per month (say $400), your disability gets reduced. If you make a higher amount (say $1,180), your disability gets taken away.

This means that it is quite possible that it would be in Sly's best interest to only work about 15 hours a week, so he'll make less per month, and not have his disability payments reduced, thereby leaving him more money per month.

Thanks for explaining.

Then just reducing his work hours is the better option than quitting. I think it's an option at least worth considering.

In America, many employers like to have control over a worker's hours.

Retail places, like where Sly works, would want him available for at least 20 hours every week. it probably wouldn't be worth their while to have him for only 15 hours a week.

Sometimes, employers might be flexible when an employee is attending school; otherwise, they are pretty usually inflexible when it comes to scheduling.

Usually I do it. I’m training for my first 1/2 marathon on the 10th and writing an algorithmic music computer program based on my master’s thesis from back in 2003. I lurk here during breaks, but otherwise I’m glad goldfish agreed to tag-team with me on this. It was getting exhausting. I ran 12 miles yesterday—7 on a track and 5 more from one workplace to another across town. Without goldfish here, I dunno how I’d have made it as there’s just not enough time between WP and running.