"Creepy" guys

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Do you really have to buy overpriced conformist clothes from A&F or Hollister to not be considered a creep or something? If I wear that which is comfortable, people tend to think I'm some hermit. If I wear my wit on my shirt (a lot of shirts I have now are cheap shirts that have some kind of witty saying on them), I'm dismissed as some nerd that's too weird to talk to. And while I'm personally not one for trench coats, but I couldn't understand why people would dismiss that as creepy (I'm not excusing the way the guy in the example acted, but as far as I see it wearing a trench coat and being a creep are two separate things)...

Nope, but don't go to the other extreme and dress supervillainy.

I've also struggled with dressing right, and my wife pretty much does all my clothes shopping for me (I have little interest in doing it myself).

Slogan T-shirts are pretty much considered nerd wear, and not even good nerd wear in most cases. The only Aspie I've ever seen kind of pull it off was this really buff short guy at work who was handsome, but still considered a bit creepy, so that should tell you how negatively powerful the slogan T-shirt can be.

After all, you have to think about what a Slogan T-shirt does -- it's very in-your-face about that person's opinion, which is usually something either really snarky or so borderline that it automatically singles you out as very different. Now, this could actually work in reeling in a nerdy chick who might admire it, but you have to be willing to handle that incoming interest. But for the most part, people see that T-shirt and think of how it's mostly people in Jr. High and younger that actually wear clothes like that.

I'd recommend getting the advice of the people who work in the store for clothes, or a close female friend who knows what she is talking about (or a sibling). Clothes don't have to be expensive at all -- go when the mall has a sale, and they have sales all the time, sometimes more than 50% off. Buy clothes at the end of the season when they are trying to clear the rack (the end of winter, the end of spring, etc.) instead of right before the season when they charge a premium. Unlike girls, guy's fashions can stay relatively static in many cases.

You don't have to buy the trendiest thing, but buy things that are nice and will last a couple of years -- quality over quantity. And don't be afraid to throw things away when they are old and looking worn -- they do you no favors. Also, learn to iron your clothes -- it makes a ton of difference.

Well I keep hearing all this stuff about fashions supposedly "telling the world about yourself"... The slogan t-shirt allows me to understand the message I am putting out, as opposed to other people saying random BS about what this color or that does... the only time I understand what a color means is during sporting events, but even then team colors seem so arbitrary to me...

Aside from feeling a lot more comfortable than new clothes?

You should be able to find new clothes that feel good. I refuse to wear anything that is ill-fitting or feels bad -- there's some comfortable medium in there. I tend to wear polo shirts and upscale jeans a lot, and they last. There are must be tons of sources online (and on TV) about how to build an affordable wardrobe and maintain it.

RE: the $10 shirt feeling better than the $30 shirt -- there are discounts where you can get nice shirts for that kind of money at the mall. Just pay attention to when the sales are. And in the case of a worn-out shirt that cost you $10 full price, and feels good now but looks like sh*t -- you're saving $30, but broadcasting exactly the wrong message to the world, that you don't care about your image or taking care of yourself. There's a strong PR component to life, and if you're losing that PR battle, you're losing the war as well. Looking back, I can definitely see where I was doing myself no favors by cheaping out on clothes and wearing stupid shoes that were maximally comfortable but made me look like a schmuck. Instead, I could have found better-looking, equally comfortable shoes that would have made me look like a man instead of a little boy. And that's what women want -- a man.

What if the unattractive guy just smiles and looks for a few seconds?

It's okay.

Except that for some, they can have a creepy look in their eyes which doesn't make someone comfortable nor at ease - even for a few seconds

(I'm not talking about the "aspie stare" as I've read about that one. No, it's something else. Something creepy, frightening.)

There's not too much wrong with the t-shirts, if you are comfortable in them - wear them as an undergarment under a nice shirt, or wear them when you are bumming around the house alone or while you are mowing the lawn or in your workshop. But beware - those T-shirts don't seem to work in most people's favor when worn in public. Like my parents always told me: "you bet it ain't fair - life ain't fair." The good news is that you would probably be able to get by in public with a plain t-shirt and jeans in a rural or working-class environment, at least, but even there it would not be appropriate in many normal social situations (such as a respectable date, a job interview, church, etc.)

The trenchcoat+cane look quickly got to a point where it looks dorky even by the standards of other dorks. Smelly-trenchcoat-vampire-ninja-dork is a common cliche target for derision among video gamers and role-players. Like wearing a dress and make-up, a guy would have to really have something else going for him to carry it off right - otherwise, it looks creepy and pathetic.

I've never seen you in person, and if you are a guy you may be able to carry off the t-shirt look, trenchcoat look, or cross-dresser look with grace and style, but I wouldn't put money on that for any guy, let alone one posting on this board. Sadly, those generic conformist uniform outfits almost always work out for us because we're strange enough as it is without drawing additional attention to ourselves.

I suspect one of the most common traits of someone branded as "creepy" is that they don't know how to recognize "too much" - a little strangeness or personality goes a long way, too much is creepy. A reasonably generic-looking guy with generic tastes could probably be forgiven by many normal people for being socially awkward, a generic-looking guy with basic social skills could be forgiven for some eccentric tastes, a guy with basic social skills and generic tastes would be forgiven for looking or dressing a bit strangely, but something wrong in two or more of those areas tends to set normal people on the defensive.

That doesn't just go for guys, either - the same can be said for girls, too. I used to think the goth look would be hot on a girl, until I actually saw it in person on an otherwise pretty but very strange girl. I've decided it would be impossible for me to try to tell her that she should be a pretty girl, but the anorexia, weird outfits and hair colour, dozens of facial piercings, horrible tattoos, self-inflicted cuts and bruises, and goth make-up really detract from her appearance. The freakish appearance combined with the "I just want to kill myself" "nobody likes me" and "I don't care what anyone thinks of me because they're all yokels" attitude along with a host of other social issues, she's doomed herself to the loneliness and bad relationships she's always complaining about. She almost always gives a kind of clingy "you are the only person I like and the only one who understands me" speech to me when I talk to her, and she may be right - I'd have probably have been almost the same as her under only slightly different circumstances. I want to make her happy and I wish I could find a way to meet her half way, but I don't know where to start - there's just too much. The poor thing is kinda creepy, and it's just not fair - but then, life ain't fair either, I guess.

I dunno..Better ask a fully NT girl

Attractive well dressed men can still be ultra creepy. It's not the looks or the clothes, it's the person's behaviour and the feeling you get from them.

I wish I knew what 'checking out' meant.

I know my eyes land on girls sometimes (and often, I like what I see), and I glance occasionally, but I don't really understand what qualifies as 'checking out' or why people take so much offense.

I've never heard "checking out" used in a negative way, but if I were to guess, I'd say that in a negative context it would be equivalent to "undressing her with your eyes", "leering", or "ogling"; I would imagine it's safe to say checking out has gone too far if she says "hey, my eyes are up here!"

I have to imagine that taking a look at the body of a member of the opposite sex is a normal part of being human, and any healthy human being does it. If I were to catch a girl glancing over me, I think I would be flattered, rather than creeped out, as long as she wasn't staring or making faces or something - I would think it depends on subtlety: "checking out" is surely OK as long as it isn't too obvious and doesn't last too long, right?

Well like some say, it's a overused word.
When i use it, i use it in reference to something scary, disgusting or uncomfortable'ish

but

"It can be associated with how you dress" Yeah, a barbie doll might call a gotic person creepy

"your lack of confidence" Wait what? since when did having no confidence = being called creepy? o.O

"no eye-contact/too much eye contact" i dont understand the no eye-contact either, but the to much eye contact, could be considerd staring, and if people keep on staring at you, you will feel uncomfortable, and the person doing it, would be, creepy

"your facial expression or lack of facial expression" I can understand if a person facial exprssion might look, scary, but, LACK of faciel expression? again...wtf? o.O

"talking about taboo or personal topics too quickly, etc."
Thats just being to fast and pushy about things, if it of course would be someone ALWAYS talking about things thatare to personal and asks in, then it might be "creepy"

Frm these forums it seems like you guys really don't like many personality traits of women. I'm not offended because you are speaking the truth whetehr you like them or not. Some people dont like how women think everything is creepy, and some people dont care.
How about you guys make a list of the stuff you like about women and then the stuff you don't. If you have a longer list of stuff you don't, it doesn't make you a sexist because you are judging from personality traits. It just means that you don't like the ways of many women.
Personlly, I believe so many guys like women for their beauty and femininity, but everything else they seem to hate about the. Guys say their too hard to understand, want too much, annoying, bitchy, and so forth.
what is it that you guys like so much about women, because something has got you hooked, and its sure as hell not their personality.

If I made a list of what I liked about women, it would be long and full of positive qualities. You are our caregivers. You listen to what we say and show genuine concern for our feelings (not that men shouldn't).

On the other hand, one thing that has always frustrated me is the use of vague terms and phrases to indicate what it is that you don't like: 'treating you as objects,' 'undressing you with our eyes,' 'checking you out,' leering, staring, the notion of a 'taboo subject' (is sex always taboo?), 'creepiness,' and 'lack of confidence' (just what is confidence, anyway?).

Sometimes we'd just prefer a set of definite rules that allow us to tell whether or not we're breaking them at all times. For example:

1. Don't look at a female stranger for longer than X seconds
2. Don't use the word **** in a conversation with a woman until you've known her for at least one month
3. Don't look at graphical depictions of women that have certain elements deemed offensive

... and so on. Having a firm set of ground rules would increase our confidence, and this goes not just for men diagnosed with AS but for all men. Otherwise, you're leaving us in the dark about what it is we're not supposed to do, and many men, including me, could find that patronizing.

I can't speak for everyone here, MsDoubt, but I actually find the personalities of women easier for me to deal with than the personalities of men, and I would say I have more women who I could consider friends than I do men. (Honestly, I can't see how women can stand men enough to perpetuate the human species, but maybe that mystery would make more sense to me if I were a woman.)

Human beings are, I think, essentially genetically broken animals - it's the way we try to make up for our shortcomings as functional mammals that make us uniquely human, but most of us still react to the same basic motivations and reactions of animals. "Creepiness" would be, I think, behavior or other cues that trip an instinctive fight-or-flight response. Silent, expressionless staring comes instinctively looks like the behavior of a predator sizing up its prey; who enjoys being on the receiving end of that? Nervous, un-confident, rambling, speech - epseically while looking at anything but another person - communicates that something is wrong in the environment, and it puts other people on the alert for no reason; it probably doesn't take too long for normal people to stop wondering what is wrong and realize there isn't something out there ready to pounce, it's just one hyper-vigilant nervous wreck causing discomfort. Speech patterns and body language that are dramatically out of step with the rest of a group send mixed signals, challenges group leadership, threatens stability, and generally turns a normal, functioning group dynamic into something abnormal until the problem is sorted out, usually by a strong group leader who is trusted as the group leader because of his/her skill at dealing with such problems. When considering a potential mate, small differences that make someone stand out from the crowd generally work well for someone, but too many differences move someone out of the state of "more fit" into the realm of the alien and thus identifies that person as a potential threat instead; thus, if you look and dress very differently from anyone else, you are probably hovering very close to the boundary of alien, while that in combination with odd interests and speech, unintentionally predatory behavior, or both dooms you to looking like an instant threat.

We had a problem with birds building nests in nooks and crannies on our house, and making birdie-messes all around our front door. We tried chasing them off, but they would make nervous, excited chatter from a distance, and return to the nests when we got tired and went back inside. We tried tearing down the nests, and they would come back and build them right back up again. Finally, we tried simply painting large staring eyes close by their favorite nesting spots - the birds recognized that as an ever-present predatory threat, and have stayed away ever since. Those painted eyes are creepy

Try introducing a cat to its reflection in a mirror some time, or to another cat. The cat will have a set pattern of behavior it will go through to determine if its reflection is a threat, and then introduce itself accordingly, and then adjust its life to fit the new animal's presence. Most predatory mammals, especially relatively solitary predatory mammals, will work the same way, including human beings - there is some sort of social ritual we normally go through to introduce ourselves, determine our relationship with each other, and then socialize or fight or run away accordingly. I don't exactly know what that "ritual" for humans is or how it works yet, but I think I've gotten better at working with it than I used to be.

I've been called creepy before, and for no good reason. It really stings. It's like being called a liar when your allegiance is to honesty and truth. It feels like being stabbed in the stomach.