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Potentially silly question about online dating...

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Erisad
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08 Nov 2011, 8:52 pm

OneStepBeyond wrote:
Erisad wrote:
OneStepBeyond wrote:
i think, in defence of the people who send lousy impersonal first messages, it must be really frustrating to put effort into an interesting, thoughtful, witty introductory message only to have it ignored or replied with 'hi asl lol'. maybe the crappy first messages are just like an extra filter for them, rather than an actual attempt to get to know you?


Perhaps. I've always put a lot of effort into the first message. Then again, I studied writing so that's to be expected. :lol:


but from the sounds of it men send out lots more initial messages than women? so any male you contact is going to be more likely to respond, so a nice lady message has less chance of going to waste?


Possibly. There tend to be more men than women on dating sites too so I guess that makes sense. :)



LexF
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08 Nov 2011, 8:56 pm

Erisad wrote:
Well, if they don't have any details or interests down, then why would you message them in the first place? You'd have no idea what her personality or interests are? She could also be a dude in real life. :P


I love the ones where they say "I'm looking for someone who shares my interests," but they never tell you what those interests are.

Even better are the ones where there are three or more girls in every profile pic, and they never tell you which one the profile belongs to. One is cute, one looks like Uncle Phil in a duck mask, and one looks like she just washed up on the beach after a harpoon accident. I don't like those odds.



LexF
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08 Nov 2011, 8:58 pm

OneStepBeyond wrote:
i think, in defence of the people who send lousy impersonal first messages, it must be really frustrating to put effort into an interesting, thoughtful, witty introductory message only to have it ignored or replied with 'hi asl lol'.


You're absolutely right, and that's why I refuse to send out first messages anymore.

This coming from a guy who has written seven books.



OneStepBeyond
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08 Nov 2011, 8:59 pm

i will not stand for bad words being said about Uncle Phil



SoftlyStepping
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08 Nov 2011, 9:17 pm

OneStepBeyond wrote:
i think, in defence of the people who send lousy impersonal first messages, it must be really frustrating to put effort into an interesting, thoughtful, witty introductory message only to have it ignored or replied with 'hi asl lol'. maybe the crappy first messages are just like an extra filter for them, rather than an actual attempt to get to know you?


It's just a quick note to say, "ping me if you're interested." It's a hook to get the woman to look at the dude's profile, which has the real meat.

OneStepBeyond wrote:
but from the sounds of it men send out lots more initial messages than women? so any male you contact is going to be more likely to respond, so a nice lady message has less chance of going to waste?


A woman being assertive on a dating site is usually looking for other women, and leaves the guys alone.

Guys go bug-eyed if they get an email from a woman. It just doesn't happen.



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08 Nov 2011, 9:21 pm

SoftlyStepping wrote:
Guys go bug-eyed if they get an email from a woman. It just doesn't happen.

so if i went on there and started messaging guys i could have my pick of the bunch 8O
loophole



SoftlyStepping
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08 Nov 2011, 9:53 pm

I think there's an ego thing there too. Guys want to feel like they initiated the contact. Minor nuance though.

You're absolutely right. It's a loophole :D



LexF
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08 Nov 2011, 10:06 pm

OneStepBeyond wrote:
i will not stand for bad words being said about Uncle Phil


Sorry, I just got distracted by the duck mask.



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08 Nov 2011, 10:59 pm

SoftlyStepping wrote:
A genuine woman is not going to contact you. She has a full inbox. There is a 3/1 guy/girl ratio. And the guys are all out looking.

more than 50% of people on dating sites are women.

some women do send the first message. not as many as men, but there are women who do. OKTrends stated that men are half as likely to get responses as women - which is too bad. anyways they also have many many stats about the messages women send, so obviously... women are sending messages. real, legitimate women, even.

---

by the way, OKCupid worked out the optimal message length to get the most bang for your buck. they churned out stats based on time expenditures vs. response rates, and found that male-to-female messages should be about 200 words, and female-to-male messages should be 50 words. basically, in some cases longer messages get a higher response rate but they take too long to compose so the effort isn't worth it after a certain point.

http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/how-t ... ng-part-i/


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MacDragard
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08 Nov 2011, 10:59 pm

I use both OkCupid and Match. Even though Match is a better site to meet people from, I've seem to meet quite a few women on OkCupid. Both have their pros and cons. OkCupid is a simpler site and has a lot of great features for a free dating site, but it's full of disgruntled women who are not my type and many just create profiles so they can take the quizzes. Match seems to have more features and people who join it are more serious about dating, but so far I haven't had much luck with it. In my preferred match, I get a lot of supermodels who most likely get 300+ emails from guys per day.



Circle989898
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09 Nov 2011, 2:01 am

I look for sugar daddies too.



Erisad
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09 Nov 2011, 7:09 am

LexF wrote:
Erisad wrote:
Well, if they don't have any details or interests down, then why would you message them in the first place? You'd have no idea what her personality or interests are? She could also be a dude in real life. :P


I love the ones where they say "I'm looking for someone who shares my interests," but they never tell you what those interests are.

Even better are the ones where there are three or more girls in every profile pic, and they never tell you which one the profile belongs to. One is cute, one looks like Uncle Phil in a duck mask, and one looks like she just washed up on the beach after a harpoon accident. I don't like those odds.


That's why in my profile, I always make them solo shots or make sure I'm the only girl in them. I have a boyfriend now so I guess it doesn't matter. :lol:



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09 Nov 2011, 7:33 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Talking about okcupid, I came across this profile from Israel , its avatar made lol. I wonder, do the other two come as a bonus package? :lol:

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/danamic

3 butts in 1!


I read that and she is the one in the red.

Her profile also said this.

"You should message me if
You have a car, a job, and don't spend the majority of your life on the internet."

That would definitely exclude me.



Grisha
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09 Nov 2011, 7:43 am

hanyo wrote:

Her profile also said this.

"You should message me if
You have a car, a job, and don't spend the majority of your life on the internet."


2 out of 3 ain't bad... :roll:



LexF
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09 Nov 2011, 8:23 am

hyperlexian wrote:
some women do send the first message. not as many as men, but there are women who do. OKTrends stated that men are half as likely to get responses as women - which is too bad. anyways they also have many many stats about the messages women send, so obviously... women are sending messages. real, legitimate women, even.


It's true, I get a fair amount of first messages from women who are clearly not scammer/spammers Unfortunately, they are all 48-year-old alcoholic single mothers with three or more kids. I am not sure why this particular demographic should so often and so willingly break the "gender rules" of messaging that so many others abide by. I have to assume they're either drunk or desperate, or some combination thereof.



MXH
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09 Nov 2011, 8:39 am

I was rather surprised at how bad okcupid was for me after hearing of its popularity. Im not blaming the site, only myself. Out of many months of atleast trying to just talk to someone and only having 1 reply I gave up on that idea. My luck is just as bad on te internet as in the real world.