A True Nice Person

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^ Results are also important.

About unemployment making dating harder - well sure, unemployment makes all kinds of things harder. Does it make dating impossible, though, no. And I see three things happening here surrounding the dating-problems-while-unemployed thing:

1. Maundering about how women won't want you, give up, go home and sob, they only want guys who're better than you because jobs.
2. Bitterness about how heartless and shallow women are that they won't give a guy a chance if he hasn't got a job.
3. Sadness along the "I have nothing to offer because I don't have a job" lines.

Having been involved with several unemployed guys, and an unemployed/disabled husband, I am happy to attest that what makes the experience suck isn't lack of job or money but attitude. If the unemployment has to be all about your status and identity as a guy, the experience will suck. It also puts the woman in a bad spot, because either she's being supportive and being treated badly for it, or she shrugs and drops the effort and then she's heartless and doesn't care. (And then if the dude is exceptionally self-pitying he'll decide that all he needs is a woman who really understands him and sees him for what he truly is, and will use his gf/wife's dough to run around, and figure she deserves it.) Other things that don't help are falling into a pit of despair (because after all it's all about you and your self-image) and sleeping most of the day, because what every woman enjoys is getting up to go to work even though she's tired and would love to sleep in too, and coming home to a stenchy pit with a surly man in it, who eventually tells her that it's okay for her because she has a job, and then goes off to sleep some more. Drinking, also not helpful.

If on the other hand the guy just keeps on putting himself out there, refrains from throwing away life, is reasonably cheerful about it and finds other ways to contribute, takes himself rather lightly and doesn't imagine that unemployment means OMG UR WORTHLESS MOOCH, things go well and you can just tighten your belts together and eventually there's at least some sort of work or retraining and then work. Yeah, his partner has to have a good attitude too and not be a selfish freaking-out person, also if you guys can do arithmetic, but he arithmetic's probably rarer than the non-selfishness.

I was unemployed for six months a few years ago, and if there's anyone who should've been freaking out about unemployment, it was me, not a guy with a working spouse or disability check or a helpful parent, because I had no safety net and a little kid to support. I really could not afford to hang around looking miserable and obsessing self-centeredly about what a suck-ass mom this made me. Also, why would I do that. Jobs come and go, it's not a referendum on me. I didn't date because I didn't have time: I was taking care of my daughter, jobhunting, going to school, networking, and trying to start a business. I didn't sit around much freaking myself out about money, either, because I didn't want to scare my daughter, though I did teach her to economise. Six months later the job faucets turned back on, and we've been fine since. Had they not turned back on, though, I'd have sold our house, helped my daughter through the transition to wherever we lived next, and shaken every charity/aid tree there was to shake. And no, it would not have made me a lesser person to do that. Help is for people who need help, and there's no shame in that.

I'll go back to what I said before: women are much more forgiving of unemployment than you're making us out to be. It's not a half-species of golddiggers and house-buying-husband-shoppers and manliness-litmus-testers. The real questions are about why you don't have a job, what your prospects are, whether you're a nice person, what your attitude is like, and what you're doing while you're unemployed. Cleanliness also helps.

Tarantela, you're quick to assume stuff about what men mean or how they think, no one here said yet that women refusing to date unemployed men are heartless gold diggers, gold diggers are of different breed.
The real questions are:
- How marriage and making a family is possible if there's no enough money? Among young people (yes, i am talking abt my country) usually only the duo-working couples are capable for that or if the guy is working abroad.
-Why a woman would go for the unemployed while she had other suitors (unless he has some terrific personality and talents or dropdead gorgeous looks) , and hey remember, most guys here rely on online dating here hence high competition.

The only case I know of a woman going for an unemployed man was for a super talented guy, a painter, and yet he was pushed to do art for money.

I don't get how it is a cardinal sin for a man to be nice or any person for that matter. The rules of masculinity changes every year. And that is what men fail to realize. I guess soon it'll be socially acceptable to treat your woman bad or terrible. Which is stupid.
Most women these days don't know what a real man is because some grew up without a father; which is why they go off what their moms present to them--same as men not knowing how to be men without father figures.
I'm a genuine guy myself just not a doormat. I'd tell a chick to kick rocks in a second. If a girl wants the "bad guy" type let them have it! Why would you want that type of naivety in your life? How can a bad guy protect you, when he's the one constantly bringing you into danger and bad situations? It's like climbing into a furnace expecting to come out with no burns.
People will say nice guys are guys undercover that just want to f**k. But why blatantly go with a bad guy that you know would possibly f**k you over in the end? Plus, nobody is forcing you tp have sex with these men. If they cannot wait then they are not for you.

Just don't be a doormat, needy, clingy, and desperate--I admit those are genuine turnoffs. You cannot revolve your existence around a woman. Stay out of bars/clubs. Those are not places to pick up dates. You may get laid, but if he/she is laying with you the first night or couple nights, you really think they'd limit themselves just to you? Lol that goes double for the guys.

Just because you are nice--for the love of humanity--doesn't mean you are entitled to EVERY woman you meet or befriend! She's entitled to who she wants to date just like everyone else. And let's not be judgmental here; just because she doesn't date you, doesn't mean "she only dates jerks" it can simply mean she just isn't into you or you're not her type. Respect that. You are a nice guy after all right?

Now in my experience I have figured out money is what can attract a woman more. It doesn't matter how good you can be, if you are not making the kind of salary she thinks you should be making, chances are you won't get with her. I've met a few women that had their checklist out: what kind of place you have, you have a car, what you do for a living. Those questions come up quickly.
I don't see how it matters. I mean, as long as I am able to pay for dates here and there, take care of myself and not be a bum, then what is the problem? I guess it's not okay for me to be a manager at a fast food restaurant? I don't know.
But I just crack up at this because I know some women (including in my family) who are bitterly single now because they won't talk to a guy who's riding the bus or a bike, or working retail. The thing is that you never know someone's situation! He could be riding the bike because he loves that. And have you seen gas prices lately? But nooooope. They'd rather chase the guy with the latest 2014 model. And come to find out they you weren't special at all. You are just a pet-stop to the next woman he'll pursue.
I know that I don't want those kind of women in my life. I'm not calling them gold diggers. But obviously money is important. When we are dating you should be getting to know "me" not my salary. Its like everyone wants to be there when you reach your success. But nobody wants to be there through your journey to success. Which is how most humans are.
Keep in light. When a man feels he has everything, his loyalties are tested. O.o

Btw my aunt linked me a video that YouTube skit of the 4 guys renting a 2013 Ferrari. Cruised around picking up girls. It was sad. One chick had her BF with her! And still hopped in the Ferrari with the guy. And another chick, she was black, she ditched her friend to go with the guy. These looked like normal every day type women too. The last chick definitely looked ratchet so I wasn't surprised about her.

I meant like; she has the right to date what she wants. Because most nice guy's problem is that they take it personally when she doesn't date them or rejects them. And that's where the whole, "I'm a great guy, why won't she date me?", thing comes into play. Maybe the connection just isn't there. Its like, if I say I don't date black people (I am black) doesn't make me a racist it's just my dating preference. Good or bad, people have the right to like what they like. But nice guys, good guys seem to take it more personal once rejected. Maybe 'entitled' was too strong of a word to use.

I used to be the same way when I was younger. Like I had a girl break up with me because she said I was so kind and she felt that she didn't deserve me. I was confused and frustrated. But now I look back on it; I'd say it's her loss, but in the end if that's how she felt I can't take too personally. Frankly, if a person wasn't happy with me, I don't think I would want them to stay with me--as much as it probably would hurt.

double post

just trying to point out the wording.

also being rejected means the person doesn't find you attractive ie not good enough looking. that is not their fault but yet it is personal and hurtful. i don't hold it against those ones but it hurts. I dislike the ones who reject off of money, job type, car, etc.