Online dating is pointless as a guy

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Yeah, if they're not careful all the really bitter guys will be taken.

Taken as someone else’s laughing stock, you mean? Nah, I don’t think the trolls would get so attached to particular targets as to be possessive with them.

If it helps keep out bots and the people looking for nothing more than validation, it's worth it apparently. Of course I've never done online dating so my opinion not as valuable as someone with experience with that, but from what I understand pay sites give you better odds.

They exist and they are not uncommon on dating sites.

I have communicated with some who think very poorly of the whole concept of guy being on a dating site.

There are certainly way more active men on all the dating sites I have seen so far - I don't understand why this is so hard to believe.

And as I said, don't believe the site owners, they all throw fake female profiles to balance the ratio.

I'm going through all of this right now. Have been for years.

Exactly how Sabreclaw describes it, and exactly how you describe it.

Yet I am still fit, healthy, well-groomed, polite, and try to force whatever time I can on my interest in producing electronic music. I still exercise. Sleep isn't the best, but the 6 hours minimum I get is adequate. I'm currently living a NEET lifestlye (Not employed, not in education/training) but will begin studying at university in the near-future when I'm ready. I have my learner license, not full driver's yet though. No car, but I may buy one second-hand in the near future.

I have severe Agoraphobia/a fear of leaving the house alone, but I'm working hard to overcome that and since I'll be getting a bike for Christmas it'll be all the more easier. Either way, definitely not going downhill. Always on my way up or maintaining the status quo.

It's a bit strange, really.

I've always wanted to date a girl who's 'known struggle' like I have and actually had a 'hard life' of depression and/or trauma and maybe some kind of mental disability of some kind, etc.

But I also don't want to date one who's gave up and accepted herself in a bad place.

I want a fighter, not a quitter.

Like, most of my family and friends nowadays are in a bad place - high unemployment rate, high depression/sociopathy rates, substance abuse, criminals, etc. general 'low-lifes'.

But I have resisted this and want to break the pattern and do my best to just live a normal-life despite my background.

I want a girl who is the same - rough background, but trying her best to climb out of the deep dark abyss we've both been born into, and not allow each other to be sucked down by the pessimistic and draining family members and friends we have.

I wouldn't want to date a girl who is actually a PART of the negativity.

I feel lie I'm not making any sense, but I'm sure you know what I'm saying.

If I date a girl from a rough background with bad family/friends, she's got to be the one that's different, like I am, and not the same as her friends and family.

Does this just sound like an impossible pipe dream?

Every friend/acquaintance I had in high school, every male or female friend, and every girl I dated or tried to get to know to date, they've all been more 'privileged' than I am. I'm lower middle class, along with a pretty cr*p family, the Asperger's and Anxiety, and I swear nowadays I think it's more than that - I'm messed up mentally in a lot of other ways, which I won't go into. Keeping my sanity is a battle.

Even the other aspies or mental disordered tend to be faring much better than I am.

My best friend is one of the few who shares the struggles I have, and a lot of the time I feel even he is at least happier than I am right now, because while he admits he's 'mildly depressed' like I am, he seems far more content with spending his entire life day-in day-out playing computer games all day to distract himself from loneliness and eating.

And there's also the opposite problem - every depressed person who's 'struggled' and had a similar life to mine comes across as bitter, hateful and otherwise unpleasant to be around - they've been influenced far too much from the bad families they came from.

Again, I'm making an effort to cure my depression and improve my state of mind. I eat healthy, exercise, meditate, take Anxiety Relief pills, drink a lot of tea to ease my nerves, and will soon start getting Nootropics to improve cognitive function.

I wish I had the will to actually take my damn Anti-depression/anxiety meds, but I can't stand prescribed meds after the last one and want to figure out my own ways of doing things. Perhaps I may still give 'therapy' a chance, if you call being encouraged to breathe slowly and deeply a viable technique to overcome severe anxiety.

More fundermental would be the men must ask, women must be asked meme.

Do people continue to do this or do they, sooner or later, give up?
Maybe entirely, maybe with generic messages. Especially if all they can subsequently find are "matches" they have little in common with...

It's probably a bit too specific a girl you're looking for there, Outrider. Definitely going to narrow down your options an awful lot.

Outrider: It's almost a guarantee that you'll find that kind of girl in University.

Tis the ideal, not the requirement. My actual standards are far lower. Any average, ordinary looking young woman 18-25 once I turn 18 myself who I am simply attracted to and have chemistry with, lives nearby, and obviously not a criminal/mean/cruel/dangerous. It is incredibly easy for me to be attracted to a female, just look like 90% of the population aged 18-25 and a decent personality that's all there really is to it.

I have simply struggled to connect with most people I feel are too different from me.

If this wasn't almost absolutely everyone, then loneliness wouldn't be as much as a problem.

I did try and get to know and befriend a wide variety of different people while I was in high school, and in just 5 years after countless failed attempts at friendships or relationships, the 4 scattered friendships I have right now are all I have to show for it.

My friends aren't exactly unique, but just the fringes of society.

I met all four of them in real-life when I was living near them.

My best friend also has Aspergers and depression and we share many similar rough experiences. The girl I'm friends with, well I use to have a crush before I confessed my feelings, and being the open, honest guy who's easy to talk to, she quickly felt like she could talk to me about anything, which is true, and we do share quite a bit of 'struggle'.

My other two mates, one has some kind of disability, likely Asperger's, and the other ADD. Both extremely awkward and have struggled to make friends like I have.

Normal girls are often too hard.

Yeah, we all have 'problems', but the lucky middle-upper middle class millenial girls I've spent most of my schooling life around (which is natural, most public school students are middle class unless it's a poor nieghborhood, which it wasn't) don't share many of my experiences at all.

The acquaintances I had in high school were the kind of people who had their parents buy them a car for their 16th and are letting mommy and daddy pay for their university studies, and even if they may have 'depression' here and there, none of them have had to battle multiple crippling mental illnesses.

I'm attempting to overcome severe anxiety, agoraphobia (fear of the outdoors) and depression, learn to drive, pay my own way through uni, etc.

I guess I've just made a step in the right direction - I just talked to my Mum for the first time about getting me in to see a psychologist/therapist again, and discussing my future education-wise.

Recently I've had the urge to take my meds for the first time, because at this point I'm so miserable lately I'm desperate.

Despite trying every alternative to avoid the damn meds, nothing has worked.

A lot of the women I ask out refuse to meet me because I might be a murderer.

Why do women think that about guys?

They have no reason to suspect I'm a murderer.

Surely only one in a ten thousand are murderers so why suspect it of the general population.

I mean, you go on a date with a random member of the public, there's a minute chance he might be a murderer but there's a greater chance that you'll die in a traffic accident on the way there. There's also a greater chance you'll win the lottery or be struck by lightening.

They say they need to chat with me for a few weeks to know that I'm trustworthy but an actual murdering sociopath could very easy emulate all the responses expected from a normal person for as long as it takes. So if I act normal for a few weeks that wouldn't be proof that I'm not a murderer, only that I'm a persistent liar.

On the other hand, I don't act normal, I don't walk normal and I don't sound normal. Does that make me more likely to be a murderer?

Maybe not a murderer. When I see myself in home movies or on TV I look and sound like a dork!

Maybe when they say they don't yet trust me enough to meet me they're "letting me down gently". Sort of like when a girl says "I can't go out with you on Saturday because that's the night I'm washing my hair".

Maybe she never wants to go out with me because I'm too dorky and when a non-dorky guy comes along she'll want to date him immediately. Of course this is only speculation. There's no way to know.

Well then what are those women doing on a dating site if they think so lowly of it? I'd say to disregard those particular dating site users as idiots.

That is not hard to believe though I have not seen any national or international statistics on it to know for sure it's the case.

What I find hard to believe is the implication dating sites are a waste of time specifically for men in general, that simply being male makes it a waste of time, if that was the case it would be a waste of time for all straight females to. The only ones who'd be finding relationships on dating sites would be lesbians, which to my knowledge is not the case.

I think the belief is that there is a much larger pool of men on dating sites than women, so statistically men are at a disadvantage. I dunno if that's actually true or not; I think dating sites are stupid anyway.

Yes but how does that imply it is automatically a waste of time if you're male like the thread title suggests? Also I met my boyfriend on a dating site, so I don't see what is so stupid about them even though all the guys I dated from it before turned out not to be good matches at all and some just leading on...it is just one way to go about meeting potential relationship partners. Of course I don't expect it works for everyone or that everyone even likes it as an avenue for meeting people.