To be chased is by far more powerful.

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Oh, hi dude! I'm Italian too, nice to meet another one here.

Why aren't you responding to me too Boo? Stop ghosting me, it crushes my self-confidence.

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I was never directly told, but it's definitely an unspoken rule that i absorbed either through observing the people around me as I grew up or from TV and movies.

Although I do have female friends who tell me " if a guy likes you he'll make an effort and you'll just know. "

I always feel like such a loser when I like a guy and I do absolutely everything I can to hide my feelings whilst I try and work out whether he likes me.

Yes, I do not like to relinquish my power.

Showing interest in someone is a code of : "I admit that I like you, I am impressed by you and I need your validation"

It's putting your neck under their blade.

the second thing may or may not follow from the first one, but either way i don't usually have a problem playing along with the assumption that "i'm impressed" does automatically follow from "i like you" (and it can actually be fun sometimes). but "i need your validation" simply doesn't follow from "i like you", and i'll lose my interest in anyone who assumes it does. at best i'll only be curious to understand them a little better, so i'll have learned another pattern of bad match and misunderstanding to avoid or prevent in the future

Nah, I agree with Boo. I want validation. If I really like someone there is that element of selfishness in there too and I want them to like me back.

I am not like the pursuer he described- The girl who will not get a text back, so she'll text again. If a guy I liked messaged me I'd be over the moon and definitely not ignore him. If I'm ignored, to me, that means, nope, not interested and I'll give up. I won't try and throw myself under the bus again. It's too humiliating.

I would have tried again when I was younger, but it never worked in the past, so I'm not trying now. What's the point?

well, what's the point in liking someone if you don't get anything out of it? unless you're responsible for that person, it simply makes no sense, logical or emotional. so "the element of selfishness" is always there

what i meant is that i don't seek validation from other people (people who i'm interested in, or anyone else). my upbringing taught me not to accept anything that can be taken back, and to take apparent validation as people wanting something from me without willing to give me anything i want in return. generally speaking, whether someone likes me or not is only a practical concern to me. i find validation in the concrete outcome of my efforts and in the practical confirmation that i'm right about things

^ Well, then you either have a better backbone than us, or you haven't fall for one really.

"well, what's the point in liking someone if you don't get anything out of it? "
look here, the crux of seeing your love as an investment that needs return asap?

actually you can only give (give =action vs receive =perception)

the things your thoughtcircuits come up with to keep you running in muddy circles

lol, believe me, i have...

not sure about the backbone thing though. i like to think it's true, obviously, but that's just what it is, "what i like to think"

you're misinterpreting me. an investment that needs return asap is no investment. but not everything is an investment, and that's the point. i emphasize the word anything because i mean anything. the satisfaction of the feeling itself already counts. or the pleasantness of someone's company in itself. if those things are not there, then there's no "liking". if you really and honestly do like someone (and you're not just pathologically obsessed with them, or after them exclusively as a means to an end), then, the way i see it, by definition it means you already get something out of it. and the moment you cease to get any of that, you cease to like them

although sometimes it goes beyond those simple things. even after my ex declared that she regrets having given me any attention, it makes me feel sad for her. because i don't regret the attention i gave her (and being openly insulted for once is actually freeing, after all the passive-aggressiveness). i was prepared to be disappointed, but she wasn't. the relationship expanded my horizon, but apparently it only shrank hers instead

i still feel thankful for all the things in my life that wouldn't have been possible without her, even if she didn't actually offer me those things herself. above all, she gave me motivation that i would never have had on my own. i traveled to two different continents "for her" (it was very stressful, but also very rewarding). i got fit and adopted other good habits "for her". i made real friends talking about the difficulties i had with her. and she gave me opportunity for first-hand understanding of things that i like and that i don't like. and, well... i had sex. and, ironically, she confirmed many of my previous judgements that i had suspended for the sake of flexibility and benefit of the doubt. her ultimate rejection of me, the way it was delivered, offered me validation

all along, she "used me" for validation that she was never willing to give me in return. but... joke's on her

if it weren't for this attitude of mine ("what can i get from this that she's not offering me herself"), the relationship would have completely crushed my self-esteem for at least a decade, and i would totally regret having ever started it. not that i would want it to be a conscious thing again in any future relationship though. hopefully what i learned the first time around will be enough to avoid those pitfalls

"love" is meaningless and fruitless if it's just a fuzzy type of altruism that you're supposed to practice

beautiful girls and ugly girls don't annoy me.


average looking girls who are beautiful wannabes ( the majority) disgust me with their overacting.

girls who are 10/10 very beautiful always have strong ego to tell a guy "you are the most beautiful guy in the world" even if they are sure it's true. they expect u to say something similar and they get really mad when u don't, although they hear compliments all the time. ( actually beautiful girls know very well that they are beautiful but they love to fake humility.
unless she's pretty with BDD. i have seen a girl like that, she wasn't very very very beautiful though
i am talking from my "online" point of view since i have no reral life

maybe i do have a better backbone. i just don't have a skin instead. that would make sense as an analogy

Boo, I couldn't find the quote you wrote here, but what you said here makes me think of the male population in a whole new light - and not a good one. This kind of talk makes me glad that I'm single and come home to Waldo. Waldo hates any form of texting and emailing and talking on the phone and........

Oh brother. I sure wouldn't be texting you (See previous post), or any of those other things either because I think you should be doing some of it so I guess we'd both end up staying in our own little corners alone. Too bad.

I dont see being chased as something to hold over the one doing it.

In fact i find it extremely flattering. And a wonderful indicator of what a lady thinks of me.

Just wish it would actually happen once in a while...