Why you can't get a date

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Cause she is better then me. Women are better then men in the same situation. That’s how society deemed it. Having boobs and a vagina makes you superior. The fact that many thin fit and well off men date fat obese women proves it. I won’t be good enough for thin women if I’m thin. I’d have to get muscles and a six pack.
I’m honestly scared. I’ve never been thin since I was 6. The only me I remember and know is bit fat me. :s I won’t be me anymore:( and it’s scary.

Also it’s ok for women to be fat now a days the female fat move,ent was a success, it’s not ok to say anything bad about or to fat women. It’s been pushed to be seen as ok. Which pushes the whole scale. I like little bit big women, chubby women I guess you’d say. But now that society says they they New thin they wouldn’t date me they can get thin guys. Wish there was such a movement for fat men, why didn’t fat women care about fat men when they made the no fat shaming movement.?

So if I get a bigger girl I’ll het to watch her eat yummy stuff while I barely eat much at all and have to watch my calories and spend 2 hours a day for working out. I hope I won’t come to resent her for it :s I personally wouldn’t car she’s big but that she cares if I am big. I don’t like hypocrites

Well I agree with the confidence part. Most days I take a walk through Rundle Mall and I see thousands of people, including many couples. In some of the couples, the girl is a ten out of ten. The guy could be handsome, average or ugly but he always looks confident and he always ALWAYS has perfect posture, even if he has a pot belly and he's two inches shorter than the girl. Confidence goes a long way, not only in attracting girls but also in enabling you to go to the sort of places in which you could meet girls.

There's this lady at work. She really seems to admire me, not for my wealth or my educational status but for being "cool". This is what I do on my good days. I act charismatically, put more intonation into my voice and tell some pretty good jokes. Now if I could just get a girl my own age to think I'm "cool". But I think it shows that your personality can carry more weight than your bank balance.Somehow I always imagine these confident guys always have a fancy car and a big house. That's probably just my imagination running wild. When I walk around the neighborhood on the weekend, I see some of the bigger houses have confident looking guys washing fancy cars on the driveway.

Conclusion? All rich guys are confident but not all confident guys are rich.

I think to become a doctor or a lawyer or get some other well paid job you have to have a lot of confidence to even try.This one confuses me as well, not only in regards to getting a girlfriend but even in my own personal life.

I struggle with self-acceptance and just when I start thinking "you're good enough the way you are, you're not a failure" I feel like I'm becoming too complacent and that I'm abandoning all hope for self-improvement.

I cannot reconcile my desire for self-improvement with my desire for self-acceptance. If I accept myself as I am now, that means so self-improvement. If I try self-improvement, that means I'm not accepting myself as I am.

Self-improvement or self-acceptance, choose one.I see a lot of those on dating sites. About four years ago I saw them and they inspired me to quit my part time job and try for a full time job. In doing so, they caused a large part of my depression and self-loathing, which continued even after I got the sort of job those girls would be impressed by.The keyword there is college. Or university to use the local term. Being in tertiary education confirms two benefits on the guy.

The first benefit is that he's in a place with lots of single young women. A better place to get a girlfriend you will not find.

The second benefit is that he's being educated for a future career. Even if he's broke. Even if he has ten thousand dollars of HECS debt.

In a way she expects him to be broke because of the stereotype of the impoverished college student. I hope that stereotype isn't entirely true because I'd find it hard enough to deal with university without simultaneously dealing with poverty. The stereotype is that college students are so poor they have to subsist entirely on two minute noodles and they're always hungry. I'd find university hard enough without having to deal with anemia and malnutrition from a noodle based diet with no protein, minerals or vitamins.

Anyway, a lot of the girls on dating profiles say they want a guy who either has a good career or is studying to get a good career. She may say she wants a guy with "direction in his life", which could include studying for a planned career.Yeah but the other 1% are goth chicks and goth chicks love that sort of thing.At least then no one will call you lazy.

(especially not any annoying middle class relatives)

Better than you? Because society says so? Why listen to society? If she's fat, lazy and refuses to exercise or get a job, she's not better than you, regardless of what society says. She doesn't deserve you.

This thing with telling people to "be more confident" pisses me off. I don't think that's how it works, I don't think anyone can fake confidence for very long.

I think confidence is a natural by product of doing well in life.

Ok you have a good point there.

What issue? Based on what you've typed on WP, you haven't really said anything weird or offensive. I find it hard to believe there's anything repugnant about your personality.

I've already seen several. They didn't help.

The true problem is that we all need to realize that we have different types of personalites disabled or not.

Last edited by ZachGoodwin on 16 Oct 2017, 3:14 am, edited 3 times in total.

I've always been confident, never helped me.

In 10th grade I was confident but had no tact. I made strante and random jokes regardless of context, I has a siply.and playful loud goofball of a personality and people just found me nboyinf.

12th grade i developed tact and was confident intelligently, I got a lot more friends that way.

Anyway doesn't matter my most common form of confidence has been quiet confidence.

I like myself, believe in myself but my "negative attitude" that most women arent attracted to men who live at home with no job isn't a sign of unconfidence it is a realistic assesment of the situation.

You can "be confident" and believe X doesn't matter to most women, but if it does than it does.

If a very fat man believed it doesn't matter, does that mean it doesn't matter?

Perhaps with his confidence he'll get lucky but it only gets you so far.

A very unattractive weird person with socially unacceptable hobbies, fashion sense, lifestyle can get somewhere with confidence but I don't it will be very far.

@Retrogamer: You're right about all that and I guess at least its not something only 18 year olds but even people your age are confused about.

Its like they say self acceptance (confidence/good self esteem) makes you more attractive, but so does The opposite, self.improvement.

Self improvement doesn't make everyone feel good.

I like eating healthy and exercising but it causes me a lot of stress trying to get everything right since its very hard to put on muscle.

So.can I accept my body as it is or should I self improve?

See I guess you pick whichever has more positives than negatives but my very fat best friend finds losing weight too much hard work.

But if he does something he hates to lose weight it simply WILL make him more attractive. He can't "be confident" and pretend it doesn't matter, it DOES.

I've seen people laugh at him before, my family have mocked him behind his back about it.

I don't see a problem with that.



Maybe? It depends. If it at least helps you get out there, it's a good start.



You shouldn't be doing anything for other people in the first place. Do it for yourself.



You're not actually that old. People here live with their parents until their 30's, because even the shittiest house is at least half a million dollars. Have you considered flatting? Most people 10 years older live with others. It's not the 1950's any more.



Do you live in a tiny town? Have you considered moving to a city? If there is a university there it can't be that small. Can you not offer to volunteer at more interesting places that aren't run by retired people? Like coffee shops, a bar, university library?

Faking anything doesn't work. It's not until you actually don't care you give off a vibe you're a force to be reckoned with.

cant handle loud noises and lots of stimulation so that leaves all out all the trendy young stores that actually would have young people. They play loud music and the setback of youth stores are youth lol. Lots of troublemakers running around sort of thing.

I prefer working with older maturer people anyway unfortunately.

I have no one to flat with and will never with people I barely know.

Those I could flat with aren't reliable enough to.

Who cares if I'm not that old, there are 80 year old widows less isolated than me.

My situation is incredibly rare. I doubt more than 1% of young people are in my position.

I've been here for years. Most of the 13-25 year olds here at least have a few close friends even if they're single. I'd love to have that.

I want to study nutrition but the university doesn't offer it. There's not much else there im interested in.

I wanted to study in real life rather than online classes but might have to if I want to study Nutrition that or move very far away which I can't and don't want to do. Id have panic attacks every night anxiety is horrible I must live with my family rght now. If I could live with a friend I'd be fine but they all live too far away I haven't seen my best friend in over a year.

The city is medium sized and awful. We are moving to a much better place soon but except for being able to be back.with some old friends again I doubt much will change they are just as isolated as me.

The university there doesn't offer Nutrition either.

My best friend is in the exact same position as I am but in much poorer health and poorer social skills (barely speaks at all, one word answers, etc.)

Okay, so you probably wouldn't want to date a girl who frequents those places then. Dating sites are a write off, I would say definitely don't bother with those. What about interest forums, or message boards? Ones that attract both men and women? What's wrong with a University library? It won't be loud.



You won't meet anyone your age doing that. It might seem the easy option, but you'd be surprised how many people you meet coming and going from working at places like restaurants etc. Not all shops have to be for old people, what about pet or book shops? Hobby shops? At least if you meet other males your age, you could socialise and get out there, and potentially met someone through new friends.



It's a bit of a shot in the foot to be honest, Some flats are horrible, but you can meet some interesting people. If you're not willing to get out there, I can't see how you expect to meet anyone? Hanging around old ladies and dating sites, can you not see why it's not working?

It's a pity your parents didn't make you do stuff. I was forced to drive at 16, and forced to get a job as soon as I finished high school. It was the hardest thing I ever did, but it was bloody good for me. Every day after coming home jobless: Dad "Got a job yet?" "When are you going to get a job" on a daily basis, it's worth going through the pain just to get them to shut up.



That's a good goal. Maybe see what nearby training facilities have to offer.



Big cities offer huge opportunities, I hope you find one. Sometimes (Most of the time) as aspies, you have to get out of your comfort zone. If we all stayed in our comfort zone, we would never achieve anything.

Actually, while my income wouldn't decrease by getting a boyfriend, if we lived together the expenses would increase. More money would be needed for food, electricy and water bills would rise, I would have to use more money on toilet paper, laundry etc. and I'd need a bigger apartment since I currently live in an apartment with no separate bedroom and need my own space, so that would cost more too. I'm not saying that he'd have to pay the exact same amount as I do, but if I had to take care of all the bills and other expences I couldn't tolerate it; the increase in expences living with him would cause would take money from my hobbies and other things important to me after all. Sure, for a man I love I would give up on some things, especially if he is simply unemployed for the moment and actively looking for a job, but having to literally take care of another person finance wise for the rest of my life... sorry, but no. I'm not cut out for that. If that makes me a selfish woman then so be it.

What I mean is that I wouldn't date a man if I felt like I put in a lot more effort than he did (financially, in housekeeping and perhaps emotionally as well), especially if he could put in more effort. For example let's say I'd pay 3/4 of our expenses and he 1/4. It'd be fine if I could really afford it and he'd be paying 1/4 because he can't pay more and not because he uses a lot more to his hobbies or something. In a situation like this, assuming the man's abilities and, most of all his health, allows it then I would ask him to do more housework than I did because that'd be fair in my eyes. I'd work more outside our home, bringing in more money and he'd work more in the house so that both of us put in as much effort. Of course, if the man is somehow disabled creating a system that works will take more work, but what wouldn't one do for the one they love...

Last edited by Fireblossom on 16 Oct 2017, 4:49 am, edited 1 time in total.

Typing well and explaining oneself in written word isn't the same as presenting oneself in real life. I'm awkward and quiet and seem aloof.

Blaming the 'personality' only as the root cause is too naive.

A big part of personality is developed on how others treated you in the past, past successes and rejections influence your personality.

There's a reason why the first thing fathers say when their jobless son asks about dating/marriage: Get a job first.

They, and mothers, don't give the same advice to daughters when asking about dating/marriage, the advice probably changes to: Make sure he has a job first. lol