No friends, but constantly having guys "wanting" me

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I haven't tried to find friends on WP, obviously I'm pretty new here.
And yes it is very hard to make friends with girls, it's hard to explain.. It's my behavior, I also feel uncomfortable a lot cause they seem very judgmental and they see that I'm socially maybe a bit "weird"..? I can see that THEY can see it and they start to feel uncomfortable around me as well. Sometimes they seem disturbed by me Cause I really don't act like a girl(or how they expect girls to be) lots of times. For example sometimes I can talk agressive in discussions or really loud and take space. If I'm around men this is no problem, it's perfect.

BTW,
What is your native language?

Just an observation:

I am new to this forum, so this may not be accurate,
But you are one of the few people who are happy to engage in conversation on an extended level.
I am guessing, most who come here, aren't as extroverted as you.

It looks like this "engagement with the outside world" is attracting a lot of attention from people in real life,
You have made that observation above.
I am simply highlighting the fact.

A good lesson for others.

<Pepe Freud in contemplation mode>

Bahahaha - I can't even fathom the idea. You mean like this scenario: The two families in her parent's lounge room each parents introducing their grown child boasting about their qualities? She's wearing a fancy dress, sitting shy next to her mom or dad, while I am wearing a formal suit like the idiot sitting next to my parents. Her mother would ask most of the questions and be like "So what does your young man do for living?" , my mom would be like "He writes code, right son?" Me: " Yes, I am a Software developer" - her mom: "Ohhhh doesn't that sound awesome? My Sarah is an accountant, she's so smart too!" - Me: "Um...I am sure she is, tante". Then she (the Sarah) would be serving turkish coffee for everyone which I hate, and her mom would stare like a vulture while trying it and be like "she made the coffee, is it good' and me be like 'Um...It can't be better, tante'.

Then in the dinning room I would be forced to eat something that even hungry pigeons won't eat and pretend to love it, and her mother would be like "Sarah cooked that for the occasion, isn't it great?" Me: "Mm...it is awesome, tante".

Then her parent would give a tour around their house, and lately to the balcony / garden / backyard, at this point both parents retreat (by "coincidence") so we can have a 1-to-1 chit chat while you can still see them from there gossiping and giggling about us.

I am glad I didn't experience that, my mother was a mathematician and doesn't like the whole idea either, but what I described above is exactly how it usually happens, based on others' stories.

Now, ewing aside, do you seriously think that the arranged thing would make the woman magically less picky and more accepting of me? It doesn't, on the contrary, the guy would be evaluated in grueling fashion and asked questions by her AND her parents in the same "date" - What a nightmare. Total humiliation.

If I would ever go for something formal, which I doubt, I would only meet the parents after establishing the relationship with her for a certain period - never the other way around.

You know what? I am gonna throw another taboo bomb.

Since you think that these “friends” only have 10% chance with you then that only means that you don’t think highly of them... as men; aka much inferior compared to the guys you like in masculine value. Think about it.

That’s another reason why I think these cross-gender friendships aren’t possible and annoying.

With that mindset I somehow suspect that maybe you show resent/disgust/coldness to the male friend who confessed to you - changing your attitude to the negative with him.
Maybe I am wrong, but this scenario is very common and typical.

Hence maintaining friendship after that will surely be impossible.

Just put yourself in his shoe; imagine the guy you liked had rejected you, and showed you an obvious attitude of “you are so below my standards” - can you still remain friends with him even if you can switch off your feelings?

^ I've been watching this thread and I am not sure you are correct, Boo.

Without having ANY idea of what was going on, I learned that flirting and short skirts got attention and I learned to do it. I had NO IDEA this meant I was willing to, or looking for, sex.

Sex education was almost non-existent when I was a child and my parents sure did not do anything. I really didn't know the mechanics of sex before it happened. I am, I had heard what the mechanics involved were, but I wasn't sure if that wasn't just people trying to fool me, as I was often the butt of people's pranks.

I had NO IDEA what I was doing, what I was communicating to others, and what follow through was expected.

This cluelessness in regards to sex I see as just an extension of the general cluelessness I had about every aspect of social interactions.

There’s no past experience or anything about me to be confident about anymore sadly.
I use to think there was but it was beat into me ther there’s not a worthy thing about me.
Boo doesn’t have issues attracting women or getting dates.

German and French



And yes this definitely helps me as well.
But you are new? You have 6000 posts dude

That's another thing. I personally feel like I might miss the point, where I send out "clear" signals that I'm willing to go a step forward. I mean I learnd a lot in these years, but when I was younger I was clearly more unaware of things.

So I think there's a lot we have no clue about or we just don't see these unwritten rules.

German and French?
Does that mean you lived in Alsace-Lorraine?

If your heritage is German,
I find that acceptable.
If you are French,
I won't be talking to you again.

I am new to this *forum*.
I have been a member on the website since 2013.

The main reason I come here now is that I am interested in human psychology.
The other reason is that it is tame/light, compared to some other forums.
It is a nice relief, and there are fewer arguments, though some mods wouldn't agree.

^ I've been watching this thread and I am not sure you are correct, Boo.

Without having ANY idea of what was going on, I learned that flirting and short skirts got attention and I learned to do it. I had NO IDEA this meant I was willing to, or looking for, sex.

Sex education was almost non-existent when I was a child and my parents sure did not do anything. I really didn't know the mechanics of sex before it happened. I am, I had heard what the mechanics involved were, but I wasn't sure if that wasn't just people trying to fool me, as I was often the butt of people's pranks.

I had NO IDEA what I was doing, what I was communicating to others, and what follow through was expected.

This cluelessness in regards to sex I see as just an extension of the general cluelessness I had about every aspect of social interactions.

Hahah don't worry, I'm half Canadian(Quebec = French) and half Swiss

Oh okey. I didn't know there are other forums specifically for autistic people. I'm quite happy I found this one, eventho I found out it's easy to get hacked. Anyway, other forums I know are bit tougher as well

I wonder what you are trying to achieve with your posts lol

But okey in ceratin ways you're right. It is in general not okey and it's insulting to show resent/disgust/coldness. But this is NOT something I do obviously?! If I would do that they would not have interest in me and not try it. As I said, I am nice to anybody and I think that might me the problem. Being "too nice". Plus 10% was just an example for a few of them. And these chances they would have with me, has nothing to do with their true value. What my opinion is, is MY opinion. If I don't wanna get with the guy it is MY choice! If I would give everybody a chance, it wouldn't work right?! And as I said, I had a lot of relationships before, so my standards were way lower than they are now. And I was very shy, do I did things I didn't really wanna do and I think it's way worse to lie someone in the face and pretend that you're attracted to them. + the physical attraction is an important factor.

You really have no idea with what people I've been dealing with.

Sorry you had it so tough.

I mean your attitude toward the friend after knowing he's interested in you, do you remain as nice as before knowing as if nothing happened? Because you were complaining that friendship gets destroyed after this and I wonder why.




All I know that they were your friends, so what's the usual quality of people you pick as your friends?

I mean your attitude toward the friend after knowing he's interested in you, do you remain as nice as before knowing as if nothing happened? Because you were complaining that friendship gets destroyed after this and I wonder why.

If you experienced that so many times, you konw what the outcome is and it's exhausting. That means sometimes, depends on the person, my attitude may change and sometimes not. So mostly these people are not ready for a friendsship or the other way around: I'm not ready for a friendship with someone that admires me. Cause they keep having hopes. And if I find out that it was all about sex, well guess what I do But yeah like most of my best friends in my past had at the beginning a bit of a crush on me and after we clarified it, we worked as friends, because they could accept that I'm not ready for more and the connection was too valuable to just throw it away. But how we can see, they're all not part of my life anymore. You know, it's impossible to generalize all of this... it's so individual


And who I pick as friends? I don't know what to answer to that question.