Okay. I have been in a casual relationship relationship with an aspie man for 3 years. He is sexy yes he is, bless his heart.
The first time we met in the flesh (I met him on line) he blurted out that he is HFA He is much younger than me .
I think that an important attribute that a woman needs in order to be comfortable with an aspie is a strong sense of self. To enjoy the long lectures and often one-sided conversations, be mocked and smirked at on occasion for having such a "pea brain" and to feel this affection for his quirkiness which I do, great affection, a woman needs to be really sure of herself and not need the validation of her partner constantly. This is something I could not have dealt with when I was younger but now it is not a great issue. I also don't need to know where he is or what he is doing, who he is with, why didn't he call, text, etc I don't do that. I need a lot of space also.
I have always chosen partners who were a little uncoventional.
, I am drawn to authenticity, honesty, altruism, humour and intellect. I had a long term relationship with an arab medical student during my nursing training in Jerusalem ( I am jewish) I was attracted to his values and core self, that's important to me. I don't care about public opinion and social norms or political dictates so much, I uphold my own value system and don't break the law, that's about as much as I conform.
I can't say if Aspergers is sexy, though I can wholeheartedly say that my aspie guy is very sexy to me and this is because he is physically very good looking and fit, but his intellect is so sexy, and his cute quirkiness, childlike naivety and blunt honesty just leave me bewitched.
I am very feminine, imaginative and spiritual and his brain is so logical, factual and masculine that Is a sexy thing in itself in the way that one complements the other I feel.
When he approached me on line I balked at the idea of a relationship with a man so much younger though I liked him immediately. It took a long time to convince me to give it a try
and three years in I can say that it has been worth it but often really difficult because of problems with communication mainly. I don't think that if I had met him and we would have been the same age that we could have had a lasting relationship. Young women are often insecure and need reassuring, I was much more insecure and touchy when I was younger.
To me it seems that every time he opens his mouth he puts his foot in it ( metaphor) but we have such a strong bond that we manage to get past it. His lack of boundaries are always an issue but I just stick to my guns and sometimes we argue but I try to let it go. He is much more forgiving than I am. .Resentment is pointless because if he hurts my feelings he never apologises and is completely unaware that he has done so until I explain or lash out in anger . I think that it is important to acknowledge that we both have different attributes and modes of thinking and need to find a common language, I am as frustrating to him as he is to me.
I have aspie friends but he is my first aspie lover and he is an extremely intelligent and giving lover, personally I believe that intelligent people are often very good lovers and are competent in bed.
I am often surprised by his thoughtfulness and though he rarely understands the subtleties of our conversations he often amazes me with the choice of songs he plays for me, which are incredibly romantic and pertinent and relevant to our relationship. This also shows a deep sensitivity that is an indication that there is much more depth of feeling that is not so apparent in our usual communication. It is almost like a different "key" is needed to the one I possess in order to access this depth of feeling. I am very observant, but I have to be in a different mode in order to sense him, open, non-judgemental, analysing responses that are unfamiliar, asking many short, clear questions. We seem to resonate on a different level than usual. We have an unusual non - verbal synchronicity which is difficult to explain. We both need a lot of patience and tolerance. I am also an extremely patient and easy going woman and have a wicked sense of humour.
Is Aspergers sexy? How could I make such a generalisation? My friend's Asperger brain is sexy to me, he keeps positive, humerous, tolerant and kind. Every aspie I know is different. Of course they aren't all sexy in my eyes just as NTs are all different and not all sexy. Sexy is always in the eye of the beholder. If we care enough about someone then we try harder to understand them.
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My best will just have to be good enough.
Last edited by Teach51 on 08 May 2019, 1:16 pm, edited 4 times in total.