out of sight out of mind

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Out of sight out of mind... is that how it works... or does absence make the heart grow fonder?

When you dating someone and they are not with you do you tend to miss them or forget them?

It's not exactly that I forget them, per se. I just don't tend to think about someone who's not around all that much. I like to make specific arrangements for meeting with people. Spontaneous get-togethers aren't completely out of the question, but I prefer making plans. What I don't like is receiving text messages or phone calls from someone I'm dating when I'm at work or school. They're very intrusive. Emails aren't such an intrusion because I can answer them at any time, but text messages and phone calls beg for immediate attention and I don't care for that.

Regards,

Patricia

i do not think about people if they are not in my presence.

i am always happy to speculate in my own private world, and if someone breaks through and attracts my attention, then they are forgotten by me as soon as they turn their back on me and return to their worlds.

i do not think about anything that i can not see in front of me.
mostly i can only see the product of my thoughts in front of me, and people are hazy backdrops in my reality.

I pretty much constantly think of my partner while away from them, unless I have something to distract my self with.

I can relate... my partner has a tendency to call me at least once a day from work to ask me something that usually she could decide herself... like "do you want me to pick up some ice cream on the way home?" And I want to say (but I don't) "you interrupted my day for that?"

When I first started dating, I pretty much obsessed about her. Now that we've been together for several years, I hardly think about her during the day, except when it comes to what to fix for dinner.

Things still not going well? I wish I could offer better insight, but I don't know your b/f. If you've met one Aspie, you've met one Aspie...
In my case, when I was first seeing my wife, I was obsessed with her, when I was with her. When I was away, I moved on to my other obsessions. As far as what I am thinking at any given moment... That's usually pretty chaotic. In a 10 minutes span I could have thought about 30 different things.
How long have you two been together? Has he still not called you?

we've only been together for only a short 5 months... at first we talked all the time either thru email or on the phone or both.... i never went more then a day without talking to him... and more then not he did the initiating. Then it stopped. The first time I called him upset about it he really got on the ball. But he also said he felt attacked and expressed that if I encouraged him verses going off that would be better. So from that point on I picked up the ball. I've done almost all calling, emailing and texting... and the last several dates I've arranged. Even though more then once... some verbal some in writting... I've encouraged him to initiate some and how I'm a person that needs reassurance from time to time that he is into me and this relationship.

He hurt my feelings so bad over 4th of july as we discussed on your thread... that I decided that I was just gonna wait and see how long it would take him to call or text or something. it's day 5. I keep coming on here cause I'm still not sure I'm doing the right thing... but really how many more times do i need to tell him.... i need my needs met too... and really all i want is a two sec text... that says hello.... I don't think I'm asking to much.

I feel like such a whiner. I'm willing to compromise... but if we never communicate then how can we compromise????

How is your deal... is your wife any better???

Hey Ditzy~

I'm dealing with something similar to you but he's not my b/f. I thought we were getting somewhere, though. When we started emailing it was a couple days, then four days, then five days between...then he stopped until I said something then he was apologetic. bleah He moved a couple weeks ago to do a PhD and I emailed him before he left saying I hoped we could keep in touch, at whatever pace he was comfortable with. I haven't heard anything from him, either. Sorry this isn't very helpful to you, but sometimes misery loves company!

Do you find your guy to be a little behind in the maturity curve?

No he's very responsible and mature... we are in our thirties and both of us have kids so he's pretty grown up.

I wished I wasn't so crazy about him this would be so much easier... and it was him that put a title on "us" and that we are in a relationship and bf/gf and that he cares about me... not me... so I'm like what gives.... f*ing call me.... or text or something... i don't know... maybe I'm asking to much.

yeah you get used to hearing from someone and then it stops it's hard you miss it... I hope you hear from him soon... and yes this whole website has helped so much... I don't feel alone in my mysery.... cause my friends and family don't understand why i'm wasting my time worrying about my guy.

That's a plus. I'm finding my guy to be 22 going on 13.



Ugh, I undertstand. It may be they just can't do it. I'm with you, though--it's difficult to comprehend that another person doesn't get that it's still an unspoken message when they don't communicate. Like it somehow reflects what they really think of you (or don't), when it's just about a completely different way of coping and/or dealing with people.



Thanks, you too. There are some incredible people on here. I'd be going nuts, too, without some input that I'm not crazy.



Oh, I hear ya. "He' just not that into you..." ugh When you probably have entire reams of proof otherwise.

When I'm dating someone I get very attached and like to spend a lot of time together. I never grow tired of people. However, if the relationship is really stable and I'm in a really stable point in my life, I don't have too many problematic obsessions regarding the relationship.

[/quote]When we started emailing it was a couple days, then four days, then five days between...then he stopped until I said something then he was apologetic. [quote]

This is exactly what happened to me too! Then I figured out his dx. Now, I am amost always the one to initiate thru IMs or emails. Sometimes he will respond and we will have a nice conversation. Other times he may respond briefly or not at all. I guess it just depends on his mood or what he's working on at the time. I've learned that he seems to want his space after we see eachother so I now will wait awhile before initiating. Every once in awhile, he'll shock me and send something. I decided that I am just going to ask he what he would like. I would not even think of calling him unless it were an absolute emergency cuz of his "phone phobia"

well now.... he's not answering or returning my calls, emails or text... I'm just being ignored... is this normal??? atleast an answering to say sorry I'm busy..... being ignored really hurts...I would give anything not to already care so much for him then I wouldn't care!! !! !! !!

Wow this is so familiar. As I said in another thread I'm being ignored too, 5th week. I think he's in a sensory shutdown or something. In our relationship we have a system. I do most of the emailing and messaging. I don't mind initiating. Occasionally I'll get one from him but he rarely sends emails. He's not good a initiating conversations. He's told me that.

I don't have the answer, I'd feel better if I knew what the current silence was about. He started a new job a few days before he stopped coming by. I tend to blame myself and think I did something but I'm not sure, I think it might be him.

The advice I'm getting is to let him be and just write him once a week. It's been 9 days since I last wrote, I'm trying to give him space.

Your right, it wouldn't be so bad if they weren't so wonderful and we had so much love for them. It's like a ying/yang thing. Bad with the good.

Okay, I posted this on another thread, but oh, Lord, we need to start a support group, girls! I had completely written off my Aspie because I hadn't heard from him in a little over three weeks. I figured he's just gone, now I'm thinking this may not be abnormal. Same thing, no indication that he never intended to speak to me again...Gah!! !! !

A support group would be great. The Aspie's on this forum have been very helpful in advice about waiting it out but it's so hard for me (as an NT) to understand how someone can be shut off suddenly and for such a long time.

It sounds to me like your friend may have been overwhelmed by his move. That happened with mine last year. He was missing for 3 weeks then.