Autism/AS and the reactions of the significant other

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have you ever found yourselves in a situation where you had to come clean about having Autism/AS to your partner (or to his/her family)? what was his/her/their reaction? how did you feel?

My AS diagnosis was a major factor in ending a relationship I had. I was a bit puzzled and surprised, but the relationship was already in trouble, so I wasn't particularly upset that it ended.

There are plenty of stories here on WP and on other sites for Aspies about people informing an SO about their condition and receiving acceptance and understanding.

My husband was in the room when a therapist said that I "quite probably" had AS. He actually (after reflection) decided that it liberated him from having to "fix" me. He has done a pretty good job of anticipating my needs since then. I was relieved, because I figured that he would either a) not believe it or b) decide that I was a lost cause because he couldn't "fix" AS. Fortunately he accepted it and changed his approach to our problems.

My girlfriend learned when I happened to mention it one day, having thought I had already told her. While this was news to her, she wasn't taken back or even surprised. By that time we were already serious, and perhaps she simply didn't know anything about Asperger's. Anyway, I explained briefly what it was and how it affected me, citing things she would have already noticed about me.

I'm very fortunate because she told me that she wouldn't want to change me for anything. To the right person, AS is simply a part of the one who they already love, no more or less significant than any other.

Mine seems to jump back and forth from accepting that this isn't going to go away and there has to be a cure out there attitudes. Sometimes he's supportive, but a lot of times he seems to be counting down the days until I'm "better". My family has always been in the "until you get over this thing of yours, please pretend we are not related" camp, with the exception of my great grandma who is by far the coolest old person ever.

Well, i'm pretty open about my diagnosis, it's not like i really care what other people might think -.- .

My informal diagnosis contributed to ending my marriage. She was stuck between deciding that nothing could ever change and that I was faking it. (I have no clue how she could think I was faking my personality for 9+ years.)

In my current relationship, I told her early on. She did not react negatively, and it's helped us work through some of the issues we otherwise would have had no clue how to handle.

My partner was the first person that suggested that I had AS, early on in our relationship after he saw a documentary on it (he is NT). I laughed it off but he found an internet quiz on it and got me to do it (AQ test I believe), got a result saying I had AS but I thought the whole idea was silly and it was even more silly to diagnose myself from an internet quiz. Three years later (early last year) one of my best friends is half way through her phd on an aspect of AS - she told me one day that I had it but hadn't wanted to bring it up. So I had it looked into. My partner's reaction was 'HaHAHAHA I told you so' when I was diagnosed. He doesn't mind at all and I am happy now as he has stopped trying to break my OCD habits and trying make me eat new types of food.

I have three such cases:

1) When I was in the process of getting Dx'ed: The girl didn't believe it, in spite of the fact that nearly all of our relationship problems stemmed from my AS-related quirks and problems in relating to her emotionally/following social customs (she was very NT)

2) I was dating a psych major and she figured it out on her own. She was actually a bit annoyed that I hadn't told her. My response: "You never asked before"

3) I came out to my last gf about a month into the relationship. We we were sitting on the couch and I just spilled the beans "Guess What... I have AS" She took it in stride and never thought much of it. (Of course, her previous bf had Schizophrenia, so AS is fairly inane in comparison)