this girl is poison

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So I'm sure as you all know, I bit the bullet and approached this girl that fell below my "standards" last spring during my last semester of college. We go on a date, she makes out with me, but then I ask her to go on another date and she's says "I'm not looking for a relationship right now." Surprisingly, I basically feel pretty heart broken after this and spend most of the summer sort of depressed. I guess it's when we can't have someone that we really start to appreciate them. We hang out once more after that and have some good conversations, although there is no flirty vibe in the air.

This brings us to yesterday, where after talking on AIM a bit, we decide to have dinner that evening. One of the first things she does is ask me how much I make at my new job (I refuse to tell her, but it's a lot for a new grad). In addition, the flirty vibe was back in basically full force again and it's like she never rejected me a few months ago. During the dinner she's telling me how I should teach her to grapple (she's into karate) like I said I would (wtf, this is basically full body contact and the positions are very compromising...I don't think I'd be able to do it with a girl I like). This is like literally the ultimate cock tease/lead on move.

During the movie, she's constantly touching me, I put my arm around her shoulder, and I fall asleep on her shoulder and she places her head on mine. I honestly wanted to get more physical with her, but a couple things alarmed me about her during the dinner conversation. Amongst these was that almost all her friends are dudes and she kept harping on about some 29 yr old grad student nerd (sort of like me, lol). She also told me about how affectionate she gets when she's drunk. In addition, she's staying at her rich girlfriend's mansion this weekend with her economics club buddies and amongst these buddies is that grad student. Of course there's going to be a bunch of alcohol at that place, and if you add two and two together, she's going to be f*****g him.

Which I give no s**t about since we're not dating (although yesterday might've been one? I have no idea), but honestly, if she were into me, she wouldn't be telling me this stuff. On top of that, she knows I'm into her as I already asked her out once. I've got a feeling this girl just adores leading people on.

I don't necessarily need this girl in my life anymore, either. I found out that I'm really good at talking to random girls at parties last weekend and hit it off with a bunch of more attractive/intelligent girls in DC (who, of course, live too far away from me). She was just this girl I initially just wanted to use to get rid of my fear of talking to girls and has served that purpose perfectly. Me falling for her was just a side effect of what happens when you hit it off with a girl so well. So, if she doesn't want to reciprocate, then why the heck bother hanging out with her again, even if it is to show her how to grapple. She loves taking guys to the edge of a cliff and then just disappearing/disappointing. Odds are, she'll just leave me hanging with a boner, she'll know it, and I'll probably drive my car home depressed as all hell. Do I really need that? Nope. Honestly, I tried to block this girl out of my life a month or so after she rejected me, but she just kept calling and IMing me.

I'm pretty sure I'd dislike being a backup, even though I've never really been one. I can do way better than that, and now I even think I might be able to go for girls who I think are cute AND intelligent, not just sort of cute but not intelligent. The intelligence disparity between this girl and I is significant, honestly. Regardless, I still love talking to her, but I bet it's just hormones kicking in, and if I got into anything with her, I'd get bored of her fast. I think she really appreciates my friendship a lot, too, because she's always telling me how cool and funny she thinks I am and how "different" I am.

Perhaps I should just go for friends with benefits and use her to get rid of my fear of getting physical with girls. It's just that this thing has been dragged out so long, which is absolutely not what I intended initially. It's the time factor that has made this worse for me in terms of falling for her and her not reciprocating with another date initially. I feel like the circumstances surrounding my last semester or so of college in combination with her coming in during the last week basically 'activated' me from almost a lifetime of dormancy in regards to interacting with girls. I could have used another year in that environment, I think.

If there were other women in my life, I'd probably be able to blow this off so fast with no mental consequences, but since graduating she has been the only consistent girl in my life (all the women at work are like 10-20 years older than me).

Yeah you can never blame someone for something they have no control over. I think of my ex as a force of nature, I may have got hurt but I was lucky to have witnessed it really

This is just weird. You need to call her out for this and tell her what she's doing is wrong. My mom said that at times I would meet women and upon evaluation say "not that one". I think this is what you're seeing here. At the very best, her willingness to share details about other partners shows a lack of sense and class that is probably inexcusable. Do you really need this?

I've had experience with women who disappear, and this is a red flag. There's problems.

Sounds like she's just trying to make you jealous. She knows you'll come back, she's got u thinking of her all the time and she describes her ex's as you. Yes she's poison.

Bad man....just bad and poisonous.

basically, i feel like this girl might be pretty promiscuous if her parents didn't have such a tight leash on her (she lives at home and commutes to college). as it stands right now, though, i have a feeling she's pretty inexperienced, which is why she's let my awkward shenanigans fly. most people discover themselves in their early twenties, and she hasn't yet is the vibe i get from her. she's still got a high school mentality as a senior in college.

regardless, i am still drawn to her like a moth to fire and it's pathetic. i need to meet more girls but do not have the social circle to do so. i go out to bars all the time, but the girls there are like at least 6 years older than me. parties are the way to go, but again, my only friend is a shut in nerd and the dc thing was purely due to the random circumstances that emerge from couch surfing. grad school is probably the answer to all of these problems and then some.

You don't like this woman. You just fell for her out of desperation. Was in a similar position earlier this year, only I was somewhat attracted to the woman's appearance and while more mature than the woman you've described, she had similar behavior.

Basically, you want to like a woman so bad that you're just projecting your feelings onto her.

Oh by the way, if she's poison for trying to enjoy herself in a slightly misjudged way what does that make you for using her as practice? All's fair in love and war as they say