How to tell an Asple girl that you love her

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I've just met a very nice sweet girl who I get on with very well and I'd even say she fancys me a little!

She's even good looking as she's quite young (about 19-22 I'd say) and likes girly things. (no harm in that.)

However there just one problem as she happens to be a fellow Aspie (and that does not matter much really as it helps with understanding her) she can be quite shy sometimes (as many AS women often do) and this can be a porblem when I try to tell her my feelings.

In fact althogh I get on well with her she often odvods me, and I'm worrying if I've scared her.

This means that we don't know each other by now (as I've known her for a few weeks now) as well as we should do.

Now then I'd like to see what you think this plan of action for when I next see her at the night club (which is where she and her mates meet up may I add that I get on well with her friends as well as I'm a very open and friendly guy!) And as I really care about her, and if she does want a relsionship at some point I would want it to work as I've had ben hurt in the past when girls have misunderstoud me (or likewise when I've misunderstoud them)

After all (not meaning to bost) I'm good looking, I'm a nice kind and generus person who cares about others and would only want a girl love him in return.

As I would do anything to plaese her because I'd treat her like a queen (she's that kind of girl you see, but not spoiled in case you were wondering)

I'd even let her use me as a 'meal ticket' if she'd so desired it, in fact that would be one of the most loving things she could do, as I deeplycare about those who I care about and so therefore I don't want to have to worry about them.

In return all I ask is for her company and affection.

What I plan to do is to give her a note which will tell her a bit about myself (in genarel) and see if we can take from there.

However I will not tell her the above untill later but only stuff about myself, just so she knows that I'm a OK guy.

Is this a good idea? I'm quite sure that it is but I just wondered what you guys and gals think of it.

Wish me good luck!

Goodbye Till Next Time.

booster jones

are you absolutely sure she fancies you. it's just that you mentioned a "bit". i don't know you and cannot say whetehr you did or did not misjudge her emotional resposes.

what were you refering to when you said a note. the thing is even if that note doesn't describe what you are feeling for her in words, i'm guessing she's going to "get the drift" fairly immediately.

if you don't want to blow it, i'd suggest you play it down-key (hey i'm certainly no expert on the subject of dating but trust me on this one). so you want her to know you love her. i'd tread carefully on this one. why?:
reason#1 if she doesn't feel the same way, it may make her feel guilty about you (which is a horrible feeling for anyone to endure)
reason#2 it is most probable that the way you feel about her now will change in the future. if you tell her that you "love her" in one instance, she'l feel used in the next instance when you don't anymore.

1.ask her out for a drink/something to eat (nothing fancy - don't make a show out of it!)
2.ask her about herself (at the place you take her to of course!); make sure you listen to her and smile!
3. make sure you say you enjoyed the time out with her "should do it again, what do you think!"

look out for these signs (info plagiarised from the BBC idiot's guide to dating but hey!...)
mimicing your gestures, laughing comments, her eye movement shifting to the most "interesting parts", dilated pupils.

Just be exactly what you are. Women, and especially aspie women, always find beauty in honesty, even if the honesty itself isn't beautiful. We just want to know it's there.

..

Firstly, don't tell her you love her until you are at least an item (i.e. boyfriend and girlfriend, not just after a couple of dates). She may be aspie, so may be more wary of being taken advantage of. Don't come on too strong.

Secondly, the whole willingness to be a doormat just to get affection and company is a bit creepy. The only girls you are going to attract with this mentality are users and gold-diggers. If that's what you're into, go for it, otherwise forget that road.

hi booster jones

i think this may be worth mentioning: I'm not advocating that people should build a thick skin and never let anyone in but in situations like these you should be on guard: this is for the sake of your emotions!

you should always approch date kind of situations with a nonchalant approach. you have to say to yourself that the date is a completely mundane experience so in case anything does go wrong you only see it as a minor peril (THINK OF IT, it is a minor peril in the larger scheme of things)

just for the record, i'm not saying these things because i think that your not good enough or anything like that. as i mentioned before i don't know you in person so i am only playing devil's-advocate.

Thanks for the advice and feedback, it has meant a lot to me and I'll take it on bord.


As for your questions I'll ansuwer them

As it happens I can tell that she's the way she is because

1. She likes me as a sapourt worker (she's 'mild AS' but she feels more conferdent with someone she can trust sometimes) has told me this, and as I've been thorght to read body
Signals I can also tell this from the way she act's (which seems quite at times 'animated' as a matter of fact) Her attemtenpts at playing hard to get can wouldn't fool a 5 year old, which I think is cute.

2. She likes to have a fuss made over her and sometimes (but very rarely) lacks conerdence and is not the 'independedt' type! Even if she seems very capuble in ther areas. But yes thats a very good point.

Even if she was, just for sake of argment, I could get her round to 'my' way of thinking as I can talk people into things very well. This does mean however I have to be very careful sometimes about what I 'sell' (as they say) to people as it may not be to there benafit.

(In my case if I were a girl (even an Aspie one) given my upbringing, if it were with the same perents, I most likely would have been very happy having someone take care of me as it's very likely I'd have seen the world as a very big and scaery place that I would have needed proteceting from.)

3. In the case of my being a doormat well let me say that if it ever comes to it make my needs wish's and boderys very clear, but I hope you don't mind if I keep them a secret as some of them are personal if you get what I mean!

Most likely it's quite possble, and I hope you don't mind me saying so, but (due to past experce) that I'll often end up whaireing the 'pants' (I used that term for he benafit of our cusinens stateside) also I have had perveus experce with a girl who really did use me like a doormat (only she made it clear that she did not love me, I only submitted to her whims as I wanted to win her appoval. So I quite sure I can sweet talk her into not being a domamatrix to me! So thanks for reaminding me of this

Finally I'll not consider myself an 'item' until a few weeks, and even then I'll ask her to think about what she wants from me. That is if she does want anything from me!

As it stands she appers to be single as I've known her for some weeks now and I've only seen her with her girlfriends (and no she's not a lesbin as I'd have been told this by her mates by now who seem to have picked up my affection for her but that kind of thing is worth checking to make sure)

As it stands I've got plan for this being that, if she's ok with it that is, She and I will write up a set gudelines on how to conduckt ourselves with each other, just to make sure that there's no possibe missunderstandings, as I've often read about this kind of thing happening.

One thing however if say if she started dating me out of guilt or some kind of pitty, would it not therefore be possible that she'll fall in love with me at some point later as she'd ave then got to know me later on.

Anyway, and sorry to look like a know it all, thanks for the rest of advice as well, as I'll come in very helpful.

Wish me luck

Goodbye Till Next Time

Er, equally, she may not appreciate you 'wearing the pants' either.

I think you should find out a bit more about her (by talking to her, not just hearsay) before jumping in, but good luck. It'll be a learning experience at any rate.