Is it worth mentioning Asperger's on every one of my...

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Should I mention my A.S. on my dating profile on any Personals site?
Yes, but be brief / succinct about it. 18%  18%  [ 7 ]
Yes, and elaborate on how it's affected your life. 3%  3%  [ 1 ]
No, only reveal it at the dinner table / wherever you're dating face-to-face. 26%  26%  [ 10 ]
No, just hide your Asperger's for as long as you possibly can. 18%  18%  [ 7 ]
It's up to you. Use your discretion. 36%  36%  [ 14 ]
Total votes : 39

EgaoNoGenki
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06 Apr 2010, 4:48 pm

...dating profiles on all the Personals websites I'm on?

I'm thinking about it. I think that if I mention my A.S., all the women who still respond to my profile may be well-worth it, because to accept me even with my A.S. is a quality I'll appreciate from anyone.

Now, what is your opinion on revealing my A.S. on a dating profile?


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06 Apr 2010, 5:07 pm

I do, but then I'm not really taking online dating very seriously any more. I just like to be upfront and let people know what they might be getting into. I'm not saying it's a good idea. It might help if you can make it into a bit of a joke, or play on the good traits.


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Willard
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06 Apr 2010, 5:17 pm

If you don't come clean about it up front, it will only become harder to bring up the longer you go without mentioning it.

Besides, if you hope for anything to actually work, they need to understand what they're dealing with. Its not as though not mentioning it is going to make those quirky little AS traits unnoticeable. If there's no explanation for them... :cyclopsani:



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06 Apr 2010, 5:29 pm

I think that it would be a good idea to mention it in a way, that's short and brief.


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06 Apr 2010, 5:29 pm

If you make a big deal of it, it will be a big deal.

I see no reason for you to bring it up. Its nothing more than a label. You're still just a person, just like any potential dates. Bringing it up seems like you're using it as an excuse. In my opinion most people would be better off just casually bring it up when you get along with and trust the person.



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06 Apr 2010, 6:17 pm

'super nerdy about engineering, system accidents, business history, and other fun pursuits!'

And this might make for another good approach.

Describe the Aspie aspect of yourself in one or several short phrases, and then perhaps use the word Asperger's the first or second actual meeting (although important to do so before you actually sleep with the person! and whereas I tend to think sex might ideally come between the 5th and 10th dates, sometimes things work out a little different)



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06 Apr 2010, 6:21 pm

Moog wrote:
I do, but then I'm not really taking online dating very seriously any more. . .

Three cheers for zen lightness!



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06 Apr 2010, 6:32 pm

Agreed with the above ... or I might say something like, "I can be a little shy at first but am a sweetheart once you get to know me" or something...



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07 Apr 2010, 7:43 am

AardvarkGoodSwimmer wrote:
Moog wrote:
I do, but then I'm not really taking online dating very seriously any more. . .

Three cheers for zen lightness!


Ha! It's more that I've given it up as an impossible dream. But thank you for thinking I'm all zen and cool about it :lol:


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PlatedDrake
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07 Apr 2010, 7:51 am

Some would mention quirks, then once they get used to you after a few months, give them the full dx and why it explains said quirks. A lot of people may misinterpret AS for someone like "Rainman" or the severe end of autism. It really is up to your discretion in the end, but if you're serious its more a matter of how much you trust said person. :)



Merle
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07 Apr 2010, 11:42 am

No, not something worth bringing up. If you're looking for success in dating, the #1 rule is "odds". The greater number of opportunities you have, the greater your probability of success. Why jeapordize that by putting out information which will turn away potential mates?

Yeah, there's the honesty issue - but many relationships withstand harsh scrutiny after a firm foundation based upon time has been created. Don't risk it.



Hector
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07 Apr 2010, 11:52 am

Try to put a good spin on things, to sell yourself. Saying "I have Asperger's syndrome" is not a good spin on things. What it typically says to people is "I have problems".



SabbraCadabra
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07 Apr 2010, 2:42 pm

I'd put it on my profile if I wasn't in the closet :oops: I mean, if a girl can't accept me for who I am, better to weed them out right away than to have it happen later on down the road.

I've seen some girls who have it listed on their profiles, and I think it's cool, but they never reply back to me when I message them :cry:

Heck, I've even seen a few people from these boards on there 8)


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07 Apr 2010, 2:52 pm

I wouldn't but that's just me.

Not everyone makes a list of their "disabilities". That doesn't mean you should hide it, I think there's a perfect place and time for everything.


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07 Apr 2010, 5:19 pm

SabbraCadabra wrote:
. . . I've seen some girls who have it listed on their profiles, and I think it's cool, but they never reply back to me when I message them :cry: . . .

I think that's just the baseline odds.

People have met someone, or have gotten discouraged, or for whatever reason no longer actively participants at the site, but their profile is still there.

The solution, which is hard for me to follow because do I tend to overdo things, is to not overinvest, to do it with the lightest of light touches, and not spend that much time at all, until and unless you and the person develop a good habit of ping-ponging posts back and forth, and thus kind of become friends, or at least the beginning of friendship. That is, dance just a little behind the curve. Again, hard for me. I've spent money on dating services (and Great Expectations is kind of a rip-off) and I think the same principle generally applies.



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07 Apr 2010, 5:32 pm

Moog wrote:
AardvarkGoodSwimmer wrote:
Moog wrote:
I do, but then I'm not really taking online dating very seriously any more. . .

Three cheers for zen lightness!


Ha! It's more that I've given it up as an impossible dream. But thank you for thinking I'm all zen and cool about it :lol:


Ah, I think you are a pretty cool and zen person. :~)

And perfection is not required!