How do YOU guys do it? cuz im stumped

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Im just going over somthing in my mind after reading somthing and when all these people say we went back to her house and started kissing... well how the hell do you start that if it where me we would go to her house and i would probs sit down and we would both sit there in silence for an hour then i would probs have to leave.

This has happened before me and my GF both sat together alone in a room with dvd on and i told my mates i was going to watch a film with my GF and they said " right sure you are " i know what that means but how exactly do you get from sittin on a couch to kissing cuz i am just confused and even aspies seem to know what to do!! i truly am the worst and dumbest person to be in a relationship with i really feel sorry for my GF

BTW 3 years we have been dating well on and off really but all together 3 years

Watch the DVD "Hitch", that's a pretty good start. Try the "Hitch" method of getting the first kiss and you'll probably be surprised at the results, She's probably thinking "what's taking him so long" and "what's wrong with me" right now.

You could try asking her politely if she wants to?

I watched hitch actually it inspired me to forget my relationship and start gettin my freinds a GF and help their own relationships instead of mine.

Although in a way that just depressed me even more

Still i though it was an awsome film


PS: i have not given up on mine omg no i love my GF its just really really hard for me and the thought of her thinking whats taking so long him just upsets me but i have talked to her about it and she says she is fine and doesent mind waiting until im ready.

3 years man? I know you're a teenager, but something is seriously wrong if you've went that long kissing a girl that you know has feelings for you, especially since you're a good looking guy (if that's you in your avatar.) A girlfriend will put up with that sh*t now because you're young, but when you finish high school, your girlfriend will be doing a lot more than just kissing, and likely with another guy.

To be helpful though, you could do what I did (with the 4th girl I kissed, first girl I dated) and say "Want to get the awkward first kiss over with?" Her response was "Wow that was random. You know what, we're going to make out, give me a piece of gum." We drove to our old high school that we graduated from 8 years earlier and made out in her car in the parking lot for a half an hour. The one thing though she would complain about is that I'd put my hand on the back of her neck, and she said it felt awkward. You might want to look your girlfriend in the eyes, gently place both hands on her neck, and slowly kiss her (look up the kissing scene (or "almost" kiss) in X-Files: Fight The Future.

Nothing is 'wrong' with someone because they wait a long time for a kiss. Not all, but some girls are more comfortable going slow. It isn't 'putting up' with anything if you care about the person a lot. If she wants to kiss him, she doesn't have to wait for him, she can go in for the kiss herself!! I've had different scenarios...I've only had one where I though to myself "oh ok, he wants to kiss now." Most situations it was VERY obvious...one I asked the guy if we should just go ahead and kiss (my first relationship, lol), one a guy blatantly told me to kiss him, and another I blatantly told a guy I was going to kiss him. I enjoy just being blunt about it. It's all about the person the OP is an a relationship with and their individual personality...she may or may not enjoy bluntness, she may or may not enjoy going slow. There's no three step method to getting to a kiss.

Agree, if you have not kissed her once in three years, the question is - are you sure she knows she's your girlfriend? 'Cause she probably gave up on that a long time ago and started thinking of you as just a hangout bud.



This is good advice. What worked best for me was a grin and: "So would you hit me if I kissed you?"

Possible answers:

1) "Yes", "Probably", "Uh, yeah" or any variation of affirmative is a bad sign. Withdraw immediately.

2) "No", "Probably not", even "I might" - if said with a smile, is a green light. Best answer I ever got was "I guess you're just gonna have to find out the hard way"


Hey, it was better than "Piss off, perv"

Note that that line only works after you've both become relatively comfortable with each other. Never use it on a total stranger, you'll get decked.

I also recommend that anytime you get up from the couch, to go for soda or whatever - when you come back, give her a quick kiss before you sit down. It will make you both more comfortable with the whole situation. It also gives you an excuse to pause the movie and say "Okay, I have got to do that again." The movie can wait...

I found it hard to get from hanging around with my GF over to the kissing stage - to any physical contact in fact.

I remember grabbing hold of the edge of her car seat while talking to her in the car ... and then realising that I had actually grabbed hold of her arm, not the car seat ... and she wasn't objecting. As soon as that line was crossed and we both knew that each other wanted physical contact, nature took its course. We are now married with 2 children and just celebrated our 27th anniversary.

Moral: the first time it can be difficult getting up courage if you are not used to physical affection (I wasn't). But the ideas that others have posted here are good. Ask. I suspect that the girl will feel flattered by an honest "I like you very much and really want to kiss you. Is that OK?", no matter what she wants.

I still find casual social affection - goodbye hugs with friends and family, etc - difficult to negotiate. I have no intuition for it. It is not that I dislike it, I just feel very awkward about it and so tend to hide from it.

could someone please explain to me why people have to get so judgemental just because a guy says he takes his time?

Personally, I say not rushing is the best thing anyway.

If it takes you three years to get comfortable with eachother then so be it

It will probably be more beneficial in the long run anyway

Contrary to what the prior poster suggests, I believe that generally, the faster you get chemistry and romantic progression happening, the more interested the other person is going to be in you. I believe this because the prototypical introverted, respectful guy is very disinclined to keep things moving, and becomes.... BORING.
That's right, we're boring. Sucks, but it's true. Bare in mind, this is from a comparative standpoint to a guy who's a bit more forthright and uh... playful.

>Here is a post where, in the second half, I talk about the importance of touch, and the progression needed to make it work. Actually, that whole thread is full of good stuff... In my opinion.

I bring up touch because if you're not feeling like you're making any progress to kissing, then the problem is probably a lack of physical comfort between you. For instance, if either of you would feel uncomfortable if, when you sat down, you put your arm around her shoulders and play with her hair, then there's just about no way you two would feel comfortable with any more than that, including kissing. Therefore, gaining(and increasing) physical comfort between you is pretty important. And the way of doing that is by working from the 'bottom' of the progression up, step by step, and by not skipping steps. That's what I ramble about in the above linked post.

In your case, you might have additional problems with this, since apparently you've known her so long. That probably means you'll feel weird acting any different than you have been acting before, such as being more touchey than before. Similarly, it might freak her out too.
If this is the case, then the lesson you should draw from it is: Flirt early and often. Including touching. This is to avoid letting the relationship crystallize and settle into something you don't want, such as the above example case. Instead, be frisky, keep moving things up, keep it fresh, keep testing the boundaries. But, of course, stop whenever she says to stop.

Anyways, I hope it helps.

Taking your time is fine, there's nothing wrong with that. It's downright gentlemanly and chivalrous. Three years is way beyond taking time.

At least you have a girlfriend, you whimpering putz. But then again, the situation you're explaining sounds like it barely qualifies for a relationship.

Is there a way to be respectful without being boring? Because if there isn't, i'd rather be a boring guy and find an equally boring woman to be with. So what if it doesn't have the the same heated level of intensity as other relationships? At least it's less likely to spontaneously combust...

Being a forthright, playful, frisky man who's interested in kissing a woman, and sex, is not disrespectful.

Disrespect happens when one disregards the wishes of another.

As it just so happens, women are usually just as interested in 'moving it up' as men are, if she thinks he's a quality guy. If she finds the guy attractive, if he makes her feel good, if she's comfortable with him, and if she does not feel something else is in the way, then why would she not want to progress things faster? How would it be respectful to take things slowly in such a case?
It's not what he wants, it's not what she wants; It's arbitrary.

Three years, you've been friends, you've learned a lot.

You're just where you need to be! That is the zen of it all.

Ask her if she'd like to go dancing. That gives you an excuse to touch in a social context.

'May I kiss you goodnight?' Practice saying that a couple of times in the mirror.

Another style of kissing is the Japanese kiss, where only the lips touch. It's sweet and in it's own way very intense. This is an equally valid style of kissing to the close embrace. If she seems confused, you can even verbalize 'That's my Japanese kiss' and she'll probably laugh or smile at this. (Japanese kiss is what it's called in a book. truth be told, actual Japanese people probably kiss a wide variety of styles)

What you're looking for is to take a medium step and get feedback. It's going to be a little bit hard not playing a role, but what you're looking for is two birds dancing on the beach. Sometimes one bird goes forward, sometimes the other bird goes forward. So, sometimes you'll take the lead, sometimes she'll take the lead. Both are enjoyable in their own way.

And you'll get good at it. For example, you can find movies for afternoon make-out sessions, Tues night where it's less crowded! etc. etc. )