"Euthanizing" my sexual self

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For about a year I've been trying to come to terms with the fact that finding a romantic partner is probably going to be so difficult for me as to be not worth the trouble. And for a couple of weeks now (since the beginning of March) I've been experimenting with complete celibacy - no sexual thoughts or acts, not even masturbation, at all. I admit that this is very hard on me, especially after waking up; masturbation was my standard way of getting rid of my morning erection.

But in the last two weeks or so, it's getting decidedly easier somehow. It almost seems as if I'm "euthanizing" the sexual component of my being, so to speak. I don't know if such a thing is really possible or not, but it certainly feels that way, as if part of me is slowly dying, this part that has burdened me so much since early puberty. It flares up now and then, in the mornings or evenings, but with less force than in the beginning. I walked past a couple of porn magazines at the bookshop the other day, and I didn't feel in the least aroused - never happened before. Spiritually, I don't feel much different, but perhaps this has yet to come about (as some religious writers suggest).

Does anyone else have experience with total sexual abstinence (male or female)? Was it difficult to get really used to, and how long did it take? How did it change your life? I'm interested in hearing your stories. Thanks for listening. Be well!

You're male.

It won't work.

I have to agree.

It only works for me if I'm on Prozac, which I am, and that's part of why I'm calmer. But I tried coming off it, and the old Aphrodite was waiting for me, and - well, the myth is that if you ignore a goddess, she'll get you. And she got me so bad, she had saved up all that abstinence (that I hadn't felt at the time) and slammed me with it, and I couldn't function at all. And I'm not the type for one night stands or nooners, and I don't have the social circle for anything better.

And I'm female going on 60. You're a young man? Sorry - I have to agree with the others. But I have no idea what to do about it.

You know all those RC priests? They're celibate. That energy will come out somehow.

Yoga gurus say that the 2nd chakra (energy centre) is concerned with sexuality and creativity. Create something, anything - take a class of some kind - see if that helps. It might. And if it does, tell me!

i'm sorry but i can't give you a spiritually uplifting story. but as you grow older, unless you have great genes, you will find the morning wood gradually disappearing until it never shows up at all - that's part of male aging. but since there is no known way to get the manjuice factory to stop making the little wriggling seed poles, they will accumulate until your brain automatically discharges them via sex-oriented "wet dreams." those dreams will catch you by surprise and make you wake up hot and bothered. removing the milk factory via castration is the only way around this, unless you either find a mate or get a fleshlight. denying yourself this basic biological release strikes me as cruelty to yourself, even torture. as you grow older, the time will come soon enough that the hydraulics don't work anymore and you lose desire as your levels of testosterone naturally drop once you get past middle age. so why rush this natural process?



when i was in the army, for the first 6 months i did not dare polish my bayonet, as there was enforced close company in the open-bay barracks. there was just no time to sneak away and buzz off behind a bush or anything like that. during this time of non-release i felt really ugly inside then, very unwell. i felt mean. i was even more unsocial and avoidant than i normally was/am. it took about 5 months, but the lack of climactic release caused me to have a wet dream, my first ever. what was weird about this particular wet dream was that it was not about sex but instead, [in the dream] i was repairing a toaster when i accidently shorted some wires and shocked myself- at that point i awoke with seminal-fluid-soaked undergarments. nasty. luckily by the time of my first posting, i finally got a bit of privacy and let loose a gusher. gawd, what a relief. i was never spiritual enough to just "turn it off." i doubt there are more than a handful of men with sufficient spiritual discipline to totally override a fundamental biological impulse.

What does this have to do with love and dating....

Anyway my only advice is masturbation. Not sure why you feel the need to castrate yourself. Nothing wrong with being single and if you need female companionship that bad, get an escort.

I knew a guy who did it for 5 years, no masturbation. I think he was probably a sex addict. He still seemed pretty crazy though, when I met him it was after the fact so I couldn't tell you the effect

I think that's hilarious.

OP; There are practices from certain meditation cultures for severing the link between sexual stimulus and reaction. I used them last year and the effects were quite erm, effective. Basically it's a kind of reprogramming of your self, or hypnosis. When you come into contact with 'phenomena' that stimulate you sexually, you notice the 'loathsome' qualities of it. So, with sexual activity you would notice how unsatisfying it is. With arousing stimulus you look for the unpleasant aspects rather than the alluring. Attractive people can be visualized as skeletal, or bloated, rotten, maggot ridden, whatever fun things you can think up. Eventually you can make yourself pretty asexual.

Be careful! Proper celibacy can send you a bit nuts.

Good point. I guess most people naturally conflate love and dating with sexual activity, though one does not necessarily follow the others.

i went through a period of depression for some months were i didn't do anything... didn't really help the situation but it's perfectly fine to experience this mentality and to act on it by refraining from things. i just hope you're able to work through this because it's normal and particularly (physically) healthy for guys to at least "help themselves".

Amen to that!

Working Girls are cheaper than a girlfriend or a wife both financially and mentally.

No! Don't starve your manhood! Someone I love did that.
Honestly embrace it, please. There's always a chance of finding someone. And getting rid of it is the saddest thing ever. Sides, guys masturbating is kind of hot.

LOL seriously? It doesn't seem especially glamorous from my perspective....

But regarding to original poster:
I think that instead you should go back to the drawing board and try to figure out where things have been going wrong. Get some help with the topic, while you're at it. If what you've been doing hasn't been working out, then you should look for a new way to look at it, a new way to go about it. Chances are that there's a way that will work for you which you simply haven't been made aware of, or have misunderstood.

Yer doin it wrong. Lets find out how to do it right instead.

Thanks all you guys (and gals) for replying!

That being said, I never quite imagined that there would be so many "negative" and/or skeptical reactions to my idea of remaining completely celibate. This is not in itself something I'm disappointed at though, just a bit surprised. I guessed some of you might have come up with the same thoughts as I did, but I'm probably alone.

My fascination with lifelong celibates dates from way earlier, by the way. Unfortunately people from past ages were almost completely silent about their sexual lives. For I'd really love to know how such celibate celebrities like Kant, or Newton, or any of the Catholic Saints managed to remain continent - provided, of course, they really did so.

That's bollocks. He's not doing anything 'wrong', just exploring an option. Not everyone wants to turn themselves into a sexathon.

Crack yourself open a few gigs of porn and stop being such a martyr.