Dating site advice needed!

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I recently signed up to match.com, after getting a 'wink' from an interesting girl I sent her a message. For the first time when I've done this on dating sites I got a reply!
This was three days ago and each day since we've had contact via their messaging system, only 1 per day (3 each so far) as we don't seem to be on at the same time but nice friendly messages, getting to know a little about each other.

But now comes to where I need help...

There's no 'romantic' talk and meeting hasn't been mentioned yet (we live quite close by) and I'm not really sure how to start it myself. I'm not in a huge rush myself but I don't want to keep with the friendly chat and bore her away or even let someone else jump in if she's looking for something sooner! As men are generally expected to make the first moves I don't know if I'm going to miss my cue.

Any help would be appreciated, particularly from any of you girls who've been on sites like this, but also any guys that have any tips!

Thanks
Mark

Hi

Never really used one before, but had friends that did, and that for the fun of it did one up for me. Was an odd experiment..
And by odd, it seems like (we could not prove it) there may be something to that saying "there are no women on the internet"
As some of my friends responders, seemed to be there to have the guys pay for the extra services - more pms etc
By keeping them interested but wanting more time to 'get to know them' BUT only on the site, not MSN, SKYPE or any other way
More messages = More $$ for the site


The chick could be legit and just shy, and I am NOT trying to make you feel like crap, just giving you a 'heads up' so to speak.


Personally I would use the 1 a day, to my advantage, and say something like, , "Are you feeling adventurous and want to meet for coffee? or Do you want to stick with the one a day?"

But I hate beating around the bush and if I like someone I like them - and I know if it will just be a 'friendship' for me
or if I want to get into their pants. So taking weeks/months/years to know something like that, makes no sense to me

Reading it gives me the impression that this might be a scam.

I just met a girl a few days ago on a dating site for the first time. We exchanged numbers and we've sent each other about 300 text messages each over the past few days and we're probably going to meet up soon. The key is to be romantic and try to make her smile. Talk about your day and your interests and try to make it look like you have a life. You can exaggerate a little but don't lie, because it will come back to bite you. Don't be afraid to be bold. Work your way up to contacting each other often every day, and then when you're both comfortable meet someplace.

I think she is, it's how she describes herself in her profile and seems genuine about that fact.



I don't think so, she's familiar with alot of the city nearby and having gone to a Salford school like me, went on similar school trips she's mentioned - I know a scammer could actually be from around here too but I don't think she is. To be honest her messages are written in a similar was to mine, but not so much so that sh's mimicking my style.


Besides, I'd only just paid up and mistakenly didn't change the tick box from 6 month membership to 1 month so anyone trying to keep people paying would concentrate on other people for a while yet!

Were you looking to 'see' a scam, or just reading to get an over all impression?
I try not to see the scam or 'false truths' in things, but sometimes they just jump out at me.
More falses jump out then good though for me, in most things - like not so much as 'seeing the bad in everything' instead of 'seeing the good in everything'
but seeing a lot of the BS in most things

Know what I mean?



You read that thread it sounds like..
or you work for a site like that..

Here is the thing..
1) not everyone has the same idea as to what is romantic.. anyone that has tried the stereotypical 'romantic stuff' has failed miserably with me and that may earn them the 'make her smile' but I am smiling, because I am laughing at the stupidity of 'romantic' stereotype

2) I am not easy to make smile, or to just smile.. or see 1 again

3) In your opinion, how are they different?




(Default pay option is 6 months? How nice.. )

That makes logical sense, and I would jump on that. Seriously, it may sound harsh, but if she doesn't want to meet after a few messages, she aint worth the time. It does Not take long to know if you want to meet someone in person, even on a friend bases.

Hell, if people can meet for the first time in public and know they want to hangout after talking for just 2 or 3 minutes in a line-up,
Then after a couple messages they should know a hell of a lot more then what can be said in 2 or 3 minutes.
Plus, there is the added bonus of pre-knowledge from the profiles.

I do not like approaching people to start a conversation, I don't like it when they do it to me either.
I have no friggen clue what to say.

But in this format, people would know a persons likes/dislikes and if they have anything in common, before meeting face to face.
Which would give you something to talk about when you meet. There may be some initial shyness.. and omg I cannot believe I am doing this.
Or did I represent myself truthfully to my complete and best ability?!?!

But as long as a person did not exaggerate or lie, there should be no hangups.

Tell me about it - I couldn't believe it!



Thank you! I know it's just rational thinking but that can be hard to apply to myself. I think I'll ask after my next reply (I've already sent the last message now!). Any advice on venue? She's not really a drinker and doesn't like busy pubs or clubs.



My problem exactally - I generally have to be introduced to people by someone I know!

Match, JDate and Yahoo Personals are graveyards of abandoned profiles kept "on life support", combined with fake women goading you to join & pay. Someone really should sue the hell out of those guys.

OkCupid is the only real dating site left out there, but since they introduced their "pay" function, they removed more popular users from less popular users' match lists, and removed some "free" features.

Also it's full of highly generic people. All of these sites are.

Well I listened to the advice given above and as I received a quick response from her tonight I asked her out earlier. She's replied and accepted! I've just suggested a day and place so should soon be meeting.

I'd agree that there's a chance that many of the profiles are as you described but luckily it seems this girl's isn't one of them! A workmate also met his longterm girlfriend on match! It's one of the reasons I thought I'd give it a shot.

lol rational thinking is part of my problem I think, because it seems hardly anyone uses it the way I do. And after some of the 'advice' sites that have been posted, I wonder if anyone uses it. But I can see and kind of understand why so many have issues with my way of speaking - oh well I really cannot change it.
I give up on trying to.

I would have suggested a coffee shop type place. Nothing fancy, just laid back. A meal can last a long time, and be really painful to have to sit through if you do not like each other. A film is stupid, you can't talk.




All the time and the ones I know, approached me, and just would not leave me alone.



I have had it happen on MSN and SKYPE as well, and my profiles are hidden, people I know can't send my messages or find me even to request.
But yet these 'fake women' can..
And they can't read profiles - I am a female..



Awesome, good luck!

And try not to get caught up in that texting trap so many do.

Well I wouldn't suggest changing it - it worked for me, I was glad of your reasoning!



I suggested going to an area of bars that she'd previously shown an interest in exploring, there are some small quiet ones there so could work well.
I agree about the meal and cinema for those same reasons!



Thanks!

I'm unlikely to do that with texting, I'm not really a fan of communicating any in written form until I get to know someone - I find it hard enough to know how people are taking me when I can see them! I see forums differently, I'm not sure why, maybe as I'm not particularly trying to meet people I'm just sharing knowledge and opinion or venting on them? Who knows?!?

romantic talk is not necessary on a dating site to get a date. in fact, it would be fake, as you cannot possibly have any romantic feelings to a person you have never met. if you think enough time has passed for her to feel like she knows you and that it's safe to meet you, just ask her, "i had a good time talking to you. would you like to meet me?" she might ignore you after that, but hopefully she says "sure! i'd love to meet you."

if you ask too soon, you look desperate and you probably will get a no. if you wait for a week or longer, then she may forget you or lose interest.

Be careful and use a public setting. Just because you're male, doesn't mean you can't be a target.

I do know what you mean. If all the ducks line up, then I'd go for it.

Just remember that anyone on a dating site is cautious of who they are talking to. If someone starts talking romantically to you right away- you might want to run. There ARE some people online looking to seduce some lonely guy or girl and then take advantage of them.

When you go on a date, this is the time to take it slow and be romantic.
Here are a few good ideas:
A lunch date and a short museum trip
A comedy show- gives you an idea of their humor
A coffee date at a local coffee shop that might have some interesting art work or books that you can look at together.

You can check out a great book on the subject of Internet Dating called, "Get a Date Today, How to Market Yourself for Love." It goes through everything you need to know to find real love online.
Check it out- here's how to find it: Type in the Author Vicki Wagner and Get a Date and I'm sure you will find it!
Good Luck

All very good points. I've tried things along those lines, and all have had decent success.