I want a relationship to be almost like a blood pact

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I want relationships to be almost certain to last forever.
I want whoever I get with, to share my loyalty and devotion by pledging their loyalties to me as I do for them.
Love has hurt me too much recently.

i suppose that if they ever make divorce a crime punishable by death, then you'll be in luck and regular marriage will work quite well enough for you

lol of course I would never want THAT.
But I just feel so damn emotionally unstable.

I know it sounds cliche but the grass ain't always greener on the other side. There's so many unhappy people married or dating bro. Half of all marriages fail in the USA. This is true. This is fact. Now you know this.

If a plane crashed half the time, and you knew that was true ahead of time, would you board that plane?

Who would?

Then sam, the problem isn't necessarily that relationships don't last, it's your emotional response to the breaking up.

I'm sure I saw that you said you were a meditator in a post once. What's your practice like? Maybe I can help you out a bit. Meditation can lead to more stability, a reduction of stress/anxiety/compulsivity, and a reduction in negative reactivity to life challenges.

I know what you mean, and I totally agree. I haven't got, and have never had, a GF but I don't see the point in it, if that huge emotional investment is all for nothing.

I would. Sometimes you just have to jump and take a risk on the chance that you'll be caught.

You know, that could limit you from meeting a lot of great people.
You can't make an omelet without breaking a heart, or something like that...

I know a little something about permanent relationships. Before I say anything else, let me just say that there is nothing wrong with wanting that. Don't assume every relationship WILL be long-term. It can take a LOT of time finding the one person that you're going to enjoy the most out of life and love with. Don't rush it, and enjoy getting to know all the people meet along the way. In retrospect, my failed relationships were not really failures, but rather lessons applied to the relationships that came next. I've had more failures than successes, but the one success I count MORE than all the failures. You know, glass half-empty/half-full. It hurts when a serious relationship comes to an end. My recommendation is to put off pursuing "serious" relationships in favor of just getting to know and getting comfortable with more members of the opposite sex. I've found that my best, most memorable relationships were the ones I fell into because I was just "playing."

I feel very strongly about maintaining long-term relationships, and I have some good, positive experience in this area. So this is my response to bullyh8ter:

Not necessarily. Statistics do show that half of all marriages fail in the USA. What the statistics DON'T show is how many divorced men and women eventually remarry and divorce later. Generally speaking, there is roughly 1 successful long-term marriage out of 2 or 3 attempts at it. I personally know a guy that has been married and divorced so many times that he is forbidden by law to get married again in this state. When you consider that it's always the same people getting married, divorced, remarried, re-divorced, you'll understand that the stats are somewhat misleading.

The truth of the matter is actually that marriages are more often successful than what some stats seem to indicate.

If I had the power to change anything, here's what I'd do: First, the only grounds for divorce would be adultery. A person who is PROVEN guilty of extra-marital adultery would be forbidden to marry again. There would be NO possibility of reconciliation for those. NFDs on the basis of "irreconcilable differences" would be permissible ONLY with the stipulation that neither party could ever live together again or remarry UNLESS they agree to reconcile.

Further: ANY premarital union resulting in children would require BY LAW DNA testing to establish the parentage of the child. The couple would be required (BY LAW) to marry. If the couple is underaged, they would STILL be required to get married AND live with one of their parents--preferably the girl's parents--until they are "age of majority." During this time, they will receive MANDATORY relationship counseling and attend parenting classes, and it is highly recommended that one of their parents also attend with them. After the youngest of the couple comes of age, they will continue to receive relationship counseling as well as monthly visits from social workers for a period of no more and no less than 5 years. If the couple is already of age when the baby is conceived, all they are required to do is get married and take the required 5 years of relationship counseling, parenting class optional. They will never EVER under ANY circumstances be allowed to divorce for ANY reason.

That raises the question of domestic disputes and violence. Well, it's quite simple. If you can't handle the conditions of premarital sex (risk of pregnancy), don't have sex. If you can't handle the rigors and responsibilities of marriage, don't get married. By agreeing to marry someone, you accept them for who they are, warts and all. It is your responsibility to find whether your potential mate has any violent tendencies you can't live with and reject that person further if they do. Domestic violence will be punishable by incarceration, possibly even hard labor. A divorce might be granted, but you may never marry again unless or until that person dies. You should also know that person well enough to know whether unresolvable fights might ever come up. If you love that person because of or in spite of such differences, marry that person. But if you can't completely accept that person for who they are, even through any disputes that may arise, don't prolong the relationship into any kind of marriage agreement.

I guarantee if you could get everyone to buy into that, divorce would be virtually eliminated. Doesn't look likely to happen, though!

I married someone after a LONG on-again, off-again kind of relationship, moving away, dating other people, serious/not-so-serious relationships, and so on. The thing that sets my wife apart from anyone else is she's ALWAYS been my friend, and we agreed we no longer wanted to belong to anyone else besides each other. After we'd been married for a year, we decided to throw caution to the wind and find found out what our children would look like. They don't look anything like us, and in my case, that's a GOOD thing!! ! The most important thing about our relationship is that we begin and end the day focusing on OUR relationship. We really do talk about what's going on in our lives (separately) and how it impacts us (together). And I don't mean just when problems come up, I mean DAILY. We know when the storms hit before they're even on the horizon. It's exhausting mental and emotional work, but everyone who knows us knows how tight we are. Divorce is the "D" word in our house; it simply just never comes up. And these are things we talked about as pre-conditions for our marital relationship. We gave each other enough room to leave, enough space for the relationship to just fall apart so we could just forget about it. In the end, THIS is what we really wanted for ourselves and each other, and we are committed to making our relationship succeed.

Sorry if it comes across as too Dr. Phil-ish. I'm very passionate about my feelings regarding marriage.

Ding ding! You win a Cupie doll!

depends on how badly i needed to get someplace i guess. Also if that were the case, i'd bring a parachute. So if the plane started going down, i'd jump and take my chances

I know how you feel, its the worst thing when a relationship ends.

I felt like my heart was being cut out, I felt like I was dying, just the worse thing ever. I cant understand how people could go through that lots of times, Im certainly not resilient enough to cope with that kind of pain very often. I would rather be alone for ever than cope with that pain again.

I agree its unfair that we can fall so strongly in love and have it taken away at any moment, thats a very rubbish thing.

I always figured the reason half of all marriages end in divorce is people weren't careful enough about who they got with in the first place.

That's only a part of it. There are more reasons.

Boredom is one. This is why good marriages fall apart because someone got bored, abandoned a good thing in pursuit of something new.

People change and grow over time. This can drive a wedge between a couple if they grow and change in different directions.

Spiteful or mean spirited relatives or friends; usually inlaws.

And money.

She just doesn't care about me any more.
She is horrible, or at least has been horrible.
She does not click well with me when it comes to dealing with difficult situations, and she thinks work comes before a relationship, whereas I do not.
She doesn't care for, or understand my imploding emotional, in and out depression swings and troubled, hyper active mind.
That family of hers is nothing at all like me. She is nothing like me, and yet I wanted her to be my soulmate and her family to become my second family of sorts.
How can she suddenly have no romantic feelings for me? It's been long enough for her to not have romantic feelings for me?
She doesn't want to be with me because she kept pushing me with the OCD intrusive thoughts I had, and her getting paranoid?
The distance?
The fact that I don't take care of myself very well?
Work to focus on?

What is it that has caused the rift? And what has caused the rift, I don't think it is fair. You do not deny someone love just because they are troubled and ill. If I didn't have these emotional difficulties, I wouldn't be unique in my art, possibly.

I am in pain, and I will keep on looking back at good times we once shared, and she doesn't care.
She doesn't understand the fact that even going to the cinema with her is a million times better, that one little act, is a million times better than what I usually get in life.

She is not right for me perhaps, but I still need her.

Last edited by samtoo on 28 Jul 2010, 10:27 pm, edited 6 times in total.

That would be nice. Kinda like saying "If you leave me, I will hunt you down and kill you", only non-threatening.