Is this what happens? (Men only.)

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The reason I don't want any women responding to this is because, frankly, while I have no problem with women as a gender, they have no idea what it's like to be a guy or a guy that's a castoff.

Up until a couple months ago, even after the breakup with my ex, I wanted love at any cost. I wanted the typical fantasy...a girl that loves me for me, and if she wants to see me improve, it's because she cares about me, not for her own ego. I wanted one woman to be my everything and vice versa. I wanted what Mulder and Scully had, only without the soap opera stuff.

It wasn't my ex that changed me. That didn't help. It was lowering my standards (by not only going for women that I fell in love with at first sight or "really hot girls" out of my league), talking to average, slightly above average looking women online...in some cases, women that were fairly unattractive (which I don't care about if I like them) and getting rejection after rejection, and in some cases, being outright mean about it. I'm not a bad looking guy, in fact I'd say I'm slightly above average...accessible face, tall, thin, well dressed...and the women I've been going for are no better looking than me. The only women that have been biting are the truly undesirable...crazy sounding women, and obese women, and so on.

Billsmithglendale on here has a theory called "falling upward." It's what I used to do, and what a lot of people do or have done at some point in their lives...wanting someone higher on the totem pole than themselves. It's not that these women think I'm ugly or horrible...it's that they want someone of perceived higher value than themselves. Average girls want a hot guy...nerdy guys want the hot girl, and so on.

I did my part...and got over the "hot girl" fantasy I had and putting women up to an unrealistic standard...that, or only wanting women that were "my exact type" and not being open minded. I look at all kinds of women now. But it hasn't helped.

It's the one thing I agree with fs and others on...that young NT women have a sense of entitlement. Even an average looking NT woman that is young has tons of guys fighting for her attention...even if it's only to get in her pants. So they feel they have options and have an inflated sense of self.

What's happened with me, is now knowing how the game truly works, it's made me completely uninterested in love. I've went from a guy who just wanted to find someone right to a guy that has dreams at night that would make any straight guy jealous.

So my question I guess, is this a transitional, growing stage for out of the box, non-conformist men? They start off just wanting love, then they find out how young women really are, and just start to think young women are only good for shallow company?

I think it may be an aspect of those sites that is the problem you're encountering. I might have the wrong opinion of them, but it strikes me that most women who populate those sites are generally looking for mr.support me, or mr. bear me perfect looking kids.... Or else are rebounding from a recent divorce. And then of course, there are the crazies.

There are, of course, the real and good girls there too.. as a minority. Pin in a haystack.
(Again, this may be a skewed opinion)

FY-I.

I don't agree with the "sexist" comments. You alone will possess your own points of view and as such can (Especially as AS) only be expected to express as such.

I think you are in a transitional stage mate. You will find people of all mental maturities over the entire gamut of the human species regardless of age or gender.

We DO live in a society where women can and usually do choose their suitable mate. YES they do have multiple suitors knocking at their proverbial door....however mate... That doesn't mean that you have to.

a -LOT- of women are looking for their "Ideal". Ideal is just a manifested ultimatum they've made for themselves mate. Find a woman truly worthy of your affection and you will be happy.

I don't mean this in a sexist way at all, but why is a less than ideal woman entitled to the perfect man? I'm really starting to believe that 10 percent of men are doing 90 percent of the dating theory (this is talking about single men only, not married couples.)

Wait a sec..
Hmm..
Sounds like you're reading some bad theory.
May I suggest you stop reading "successful dating guru" websites?
Most of those sites are written by aesthetically pleasing men who are looking for sexual conquests rather than real relationships, and the information they put out isn't the stuff you want to fall for.

Edit:
You use the phrase "Knowing how the game truely works" - I honestly don't think anyone knows how the game truely works. Anyone who claims they understand it perfectly is certainly someone to ignore.

I wonder how much of my problem is location. You have to search and search for a woman in her 20s, let alone a decent looking woman in her 20s. When I was in Virginia Beach, there were cute women of all kinds left and right, and they were more friendly as well, and as a result, I seemed to be more outgoing.

I went up to a few girls and just started conversations with them and they were receptive...women much better looking than the ones that reject me locally (offline or online.)

I'm starting to do that too at school. It won't lead to me getting their number but it's good practice.

"Less than ideal" and "perfect" are all relative. Your statement seems to indicate that there is a subset of humanity that are perfect individuals and that everyone else is competing to mate with one of them. Human beings are varied in their qualities, desires, and definitions of perfection.

What I mean is an average or cute looking woman wanting the cream of the crop...the guys that every other girl wants. (Yes, I'm aware that nerdy guys want the hot girl equivalent as well, but they usually grow out of it after high school.)

Many women can sit around feeling entitled to find someone and do, but men by and large can't do this without remaining single. It's something many women have over men, but that's life. You can't have everything. I know that may seem like a trite observation, but you have to remind yourself of this, and not hold it against people. It might help if you know a few more women your age, outside of your family, with no sexual intent.

Unfortunately the whole dating thing is Darwinian, and all about natural selection, with a pecking order of males, and a pecking order of females, with your position in the pecking order depending on looks, social skills, social/economic status etc.

So someone who's in the 1st (top) percentile on that scale will have a chance with someone of the opposite sex in the 1st percentile. Someone who's in the 25th percentile will have a chance with someone else around the 25th. Someone in the 99th with round about the 99th, and so on.

However, some people even if they're a 99 of either sex might not want to settle for another 99 and look higher, resulting in more of them being chronically single.

You mention the people you've been talking to online and this is probably why you, like me when I chat online, have only the women who are grappling with obesity or mental health talking to you. I do think, however, people like you who are more than average in looks are put at an artificially low level in dating due to Asperger's.

You talk about your location and this could well be a factor. Chatting online gave me clear clues, at least in my experience, that the chances would be better in red states of America and/or areas below average in population density (where women have less choice due to their low local population base and you could be someone fresh for them). Unfortunately, I don't think anything here in the UK compares to the sort of areas these women came from except, I suppose, sparsely populated areas. As a result I wonder if I'm probably in the wrong place for dating.

On the other hand there are women who are downright mean about rejecting me, too, but this is more likely the more urban, educated, liberal, cosmopolitan / higher in the pecking order they are.

fs's assertions that you could look into a Third World country have merit. There, the economic situation would put you up the ranking. If you're a 50th percentile person in the First World you might end up a 20 in the Third World, for example. Though this is probably all due to economics, rather than someone's merit as a person or as a partner and whether they like you for you.

Last edited by Keeno on 26 Aug 2010, 7:16 am, edited 1 time in total.

The language of this thread would give the objective viewer the impression that these creatures referred to as women are an object or commodity. This is a common mistake made again and again and pointed out again and again but the reciever usually has their ears sown shut to the reality of the situation. Thus they remain in a state of stagnation.

Who knows what that may lead to?.

A few years ago I was forced into changing schools and put into a school were most of my class had at least repeated once(thanks to my lovely parents who thought that expending 8 hours daily with them was gonna help me somehow).

The first days it was horrible, on my class there were 3 students who were my age(including me) and I was able to do whatever work we had to do in half the time and lay on my chair.

One day this lovely girl started talking to me(considered the hottest female on my class by most males), for some reason she wanted me to help her with maths problems, I had nothing better to do so I started helping her.

After a few weeks I was invited to a party and I decided to go(had nothing better to do that day bassically), I was just wandering around the place when to my surprise the girl I was helping at maths greeted me and introduced me to her female friends which were above average ass well.

Back at school whenever I had a problem this charming girl would be the first one offering help.

Whenever she was going to a party with school classmates she made sure I had been invited as well.

Never got her number because I never asked.

^Sounds like she was using you...

This is part of the reason you don't have a girlfriend, Toad. If she were using him, he would have got nothing in return for helping her with the math problems.

I find it funny that you desperately want a girlfriend, but deep down, you don't respect women either.

Just a side note, I can't take credit for "falling upward," I got that directly from Wikipedia.

I think you are very right about location -- just like real estate, it's all about where you are. The bigger the city, the more qualified candidates and the better your odds.

I'd also like to echo the advice about looking to the third world -- if you're in the 50th percentile in income here, you will be in the 90th and above in the third world. Additionally, women from third world countries tend to be more traditional in terms of how they view a husband-wife relationship and what they look for in a guy. In short, they like macho/manly, not sensitive/feelings guy as much. On top of that, if you are Caucasian, a lot of women in those areas have imperialism complexes or other cultural forces that cause them to fetishize white men. I'm not saying they are better, I'm just saying things like this can help your odds.

Even with native-born women here, if they are minority, they may also fetishize certain other races. Everyone I dated prior to my wife was Asian, but not everyone was born abroad. It's kind of a forbidden topic, but I think we all know that there are preferences due to class, culture, and socioeconomic status that tend to push people into the arms of eachother. It's no secret that Asians and Caucasians are one of the most common interracial couples, and it is in part due to the reasons I mention above. What's nice about some of those relationships is that you both might feel like you are falling upwards, but for different reasons, so you both end up very satisfied with the relationship and your partner's looks.