wobbegong wrote:
tigerfire
The best way to develop a real attachment with a girl instead of a fantasy one (based on your imagination and without any actual useful knowledge about her), is to get some alone time with her. So the trick is to ask her out when you're alone - so any potential rejection is not too public.
So what's your idea of the ideal first encounter - how would you ask her out, what would you ask her to do, where would you ask her to go? For me this is usually where it all goes pear shaped, especially when it is an extremely enthusiatic bloke asking...
For starters - have something low pressure in mind that is something she likes doing - you should have been able to chat with her long enough to know what her idea of a low pressure social outing is - cafe? museum? beach? park? window shopping? - ideally day time and something that involves a bit of activity so you have something to talk about. If you plan to go to movies - I'd be suggesting this (if she likes movies), after a coffee date, where you can find out what movies are on that she'd like to see and what movies she's seen that she liked. But when you go to the movie and plan to eat, see the early movie and eat after - again much less pressure and you can talk about the movie.
Never talk endlessly about how crap you are socially - this just makes it worse. You really don't want someone who feels sorry for you and most girls are going to see carping on about all that is wrong in your life as the gushings of an unattractive pathetic loser, so don't do it.
Do check out the red flag list on Heartless b*****s, there are little things that are easy to get right, like being clean, freshly shaven (if you do get as far as a snog - you don't want to give her stubble rash), with clean neat clothes, being on time, and polite. If she does tease you about your clothes, invite her to give you an outfit makeover at the local shopping mall.
[url]http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/manipulator/redflaglist.shtml[url]
I'd like to add - after several alone together outings, you can tell her that you find her extremely attractive but you're willing to wait if she needs some time. If she thinks there is no way ever, let you down now, nice and gently.
If she does say no, still be nice to her when you see her around, she will respect you more for not dropping her like a hot potato and not bitching about her letting your expectations down. This can stand you in good stead perhaps with her friends later. However if you do be mean to her if she says she's not interested, she will know she made the right decision and you really are just a jerk.
Never tell a shy girl you don't want to have sex with her. I know that some of the "pick up women" sites say to do this, but don't - it just makes you look gay or dishonest. You might tell a girl you do find her very attractive but you don't need to rush things, no pressure. Pay close attention to what she says and does and if you're not sure you can ask directly for what you want, once you do feel she's happy in your company. Guys that have done best with me have actually said stuff like "how bout a kiss", this is usually when we're very close and very alone and just chatting. If the guy didn't say that, I'd never be sure what he wanted. But that's me being aspie I think. NT girls might be more physically forward.
Thanks and I am an Aspie. Well I'll try those things. If I ever find one.
_________________
Beauty is in the eye of beholder but to a theif beauty is money.
03 Jun 2006, 7:34 pm
) tend to get scared by over-eager guys, even if they're perfectly nice and cool in every other way. I don't know why this is, it sort of just is. If that girl you're into is also into you, she probably won't let you pass her by.
