Valentines Day...... it's freaking me out.

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I know it's a bit early to get all freaked out about V.D. but there's a girl I like and I really wanted to do something fun and send her something..... and I think she feels the same way for me that I do her......but maybe not. I was going to send her cupcakes, because we don't live nearby one another...... and it will also be my birthday and I thought we could have cake together to celebrate, but she'll be at work, and I don't want to be creepy and I don't want to embarrass her and have her co workers ask questions and a million other reasons for not doing it.

She bought me a pen a while back.

I don't want her to think that I don't want to give her something for valentine's, but it's wrong to assume she wants anything too. Either way I am screwed.

And I would have to ask for her work info, which is also creepy. Esp. if I freeze up when I try again to order the things..... and then I've asked for her work info and for no reason.

It makes me so nervous I am nauseated and dizzy

and I know I should ask her, but then it's not a surprise and she knows what a neurotic I am.

What the hell should I do?
Is there something less offensive than cupcakes?
Why is it so complicated?

There's the "creepy" word again! Didn't you get the memo? "creepy" happens AFTER she has made it clear that she's not interested in you and yet you persist, unless you really ARE a creep in which case you don't have to worry about being labeled a "creep" because you actually are one.

It's that simple, got it?

You should just do what you think is best, and not worry too much about how it appears. Believe it or not, this stuff is pretty routine, especially on Valentine's Day.

Good Luck!

PS "VD" is not a good way to abbreviate "Valentine's Day"

I don't like V.D. either

I hate Valentine's Day. Another holiday that was warped beyond recognition after WWII by companies that wanted people to spend money on stuff. Valentine's Day is the invention of greeting card companies and has been further promoted by anyone that stands to make a buck off romantic love. OK, rant over.

In all seriousness. Give her something. You are going to drive yourself nuts otherwise. You could just be direct and send her flowers with a little note saying you care about her or something.

Another way to approach this is to give the gift anonymously, as in from a secret admirer. Then casually ask her if she got anything for Valentine's Day and gauge her reaction. If she didn't like it, drop it and no harm done. If she did, try to get her to think of people who might have sent the flowers. If she has romantic feelings for you, she'll think of you and the light will come on and it could be a great moment. If she comes up with a dozen other names, then you have your answer also. Don't do this if you can't be a little deceptive though, because if she doesn't have feelings for you and figures out you sent them, that would be, to say the least, awkward.

DISCLAIMER: This is an idea which I would never have the courage to actually try myself, but it sure sounds good in theory.

i still would need her work address. I'm not very smooth about asking for the company or anything.

I would more be doing it so she is not disappointed.... just in case she likes me.

Gifts confuse me,, they make no sense to me. I think if an adult wants a something they should go buy it.....and I've explained that to her and she understands. (or says she does) so she knows I am not comfortable with the etiquette and she's so reasonable that she'd understand if I didn't, but I think she would feel bad.

and I cannot stop obsessing over this!

Ha ha!

I love that you refer to Valentines Day as VD. I may use that myself.

VD Venerial Disease

I sense a connection

Technically, you're right, as aspies generally are. If you give each other 20 dollar gifts, you could each have given each other 20 dollars and gotten something you each wanted more. Further, you could have done nothing and been just as well off. This often confused me and as a child I quickly learned to ask for money on all gift giving occasions. The significance of gifts is that it shows how well you know the person. It's a test of how well you know the person, based on how much they like your gift. If you get them something they really like, they think, wow he really knows me well. Once I discovered this, it no longer confused me. This is also why people are frustrated by the people that are "impossible to shop for" because they don't want anything. There's a satisfaction that comes with guessing correctly what a person will or won't like.

The typical gifts like flowers and chocolates are just generic ways of showing some particular emotion. They only have meaning because people have decided that they mean something. They have no value beyond the fact that for reasons that are long forgotten, they symbolize some emotion that people want to show to one another.

Making the effort to buy and give something to someone is more than the sum of any monetary value.

Typical gifts are lame though, get them something halfway interesting.

I asked her for her work's website because they do v. interesting things, but it has the address on a warehouse that she does not work in.

so much for being sneaky. I'll take that as (another) indication) that I am not supposed to send anything.

or I could ask her If I am supposed to and that I would need her address for that.


and I'm still on about it hours later. I even had to take a xanax. That's unhealthy, if she makes me so nervous.

This should not be so hard.

You said it's your birthday, too? I think the cupcake idea is a really good one. That way, it eases the whole "Valentine's Day" pressure.

For what it's worth, as a girl, I would think that was a really cute and creative thing to do. Just go for it. If she has some feelings for you, it will make her day and could be your best birthday yet.

It's not unhealthy to be so nervous. It's normal when you like someone and she likes you back. Even NTs get nervous in a new relationship. Since you know the address of the warehouse you know the name of the company. Just do a search of the area to find out different locations of the company. You might be able to figure out where she works that way. On Valentines Day there won't be a whole lot of questions she will have to answer to her coworkers. She would be happy to get a surprise that day.

she likes cupcakes and buttercream frosting, so i will figure out where to send her a birthday cup cake. then we can celebrate my bierhtday.

that can't be creepy. I think it can't be.

I don't think it sounds creepy. It think it sounds sweet.

I also think the cupcakes are a great idea.

I would just straight out ask her for the address of the best place to send her something for Valentine's Day.

Tell her that you don't feel comfortable asking for her address but you do really want to send her something, so it's needed.

I would tell her that she doesn't have to worry about you showing up unexpectedly. You're not the type and there is nothing creepy about you. This is all normal.

I'm wondering how are you going to package her cupcakes so the icing doesn't get messed up? Maybe there is some way to do that that I don't know about.

Grisha is right! How do you expect her to know you like her romantically unless you tell her?

Leslie