Not sure how to handle our relationship

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My boyfriend has AS and we've been having some problems recently, and I'm really hoping that maybe someone here can give me advice because I'm just feeling lost right now. We moved in together about 3 weeks ago and since then he's just been lashing out at me. I did research on AS so I could understand him better and understand AS better, but it doesn't seem to have helped at all. He gets very frustrated about things, mainly money, and when we come up short he just starts yelling at me, saying how it's my fault because I'm not doing enough. That he's just gonna buy me a bus ticket and send me back to my home town (which is 3 hours away). I just don't understand what I'm doing wrong. Today we were selling one of my t.v's because we were short on the rent and we didn't need it anyway, it was just taking up space. The tv fell over while he was driving and he started screaming at me to fix it, that I'm ruining his car, that he was beyond furious with me and he was going to start packing my things once we got back and that I had to leave. Once we got home, we talked a bit and he said he was just mad at being short on the rent. But I don't understand why he gets so mad and then takes it out on me. I have a job and I know we hit a rough patch financially but we're getting back on track. I just wish I knew what I was doing wrong. When I ask him that, he just says I don't listen to him. I'm trying so hard to understand so we can have a better relationship, but it's hard when he gets mad and screams at me for things I can't fix or that I know wasn't my fault or even his fault. I just don't know what to do.

My advice would be to leave. You've only been living together for three weeks - this is normally the "honeymoon period" when you are all loved up and thrilled with being together. He seems to have a huge problem with anger and if he's taking out on you now, he will more than likely keep on taking it out on you and it could get worse for you.

Sorry for not being more positive, but I stayed with an angry abusive man for far too long and with hindsight I know I should have got out years earlier.

Edited to add: I just read this over and actually, I am being positive. Leaving someone who gets angry and takes it out on you like this is the positive thing to do.

Yeah, me too.
It doesn't matter whether he is an aspie or not.

Just ask yourself "does this person fulfill me"? "Do I want to spend the rest of my life with him"?

Since your answer is obviously "no" then leave. Now.

He sounds like a jerk. I'm not sure it has anything to do with AS.

I don't think this has much to do with AS. First of all, maybe he wasn't ready to live with anyone. Second of all, he has trouble managing his anger. Learning about AS won't save you from his verbal abuse. If every time something goes wrong he lashes out at you, wait until really big problems come along. And, you might want to ask yourself where do you see this relationship going in say, one year? I know this may sound harsh, but I also have experience living with an abusive male. He started getting physically abusive, too. I think you need some space from this relationship to rethink what it is you want from it.

+1. I had an NT ex who treated me the same way, but my current boyfriend, who has AS, is really sweet (he gets flustered sometimes, but he doesn't yell at me or blame me for things), so I don't think AS really explains your BF's anger problems. Was your BF ever like this at all before you moved in together?

take the bus ticket and go home. sorry to say. my aspie-friend is also passive aggressive and can stay angry for a long time. he doesn't take his anger out on me or show me his anger. he just vanishes for weeks at a time- won't reply to texts, emails, phone calls. just has these super long shut outs. sometimes asperger's and other differences can be "co-morbid" conditions, meaning combined with other issues. i would definitely take his advice and leave. he wasn't ready to have a live in relationship. i'm sure your heart is broken. i'm NT and my friend/ex/whatever he is has broken my heart over and over again. bottom line is this- there is aspergers and then there is ABUSE and you are being abused. sorry.

Yes, this person is obviously not ready to live with someone if this is how he behaves. Having AS is not an excuse for being a jack ass.

+2. I would leave.

Take care.

I'm sorry you're in this situation and I believe that our advises aren't the ones you expected but given the circumstances leaving is the only thing I could advise you too. I lived with someone who used to get angry and take it out on me. And the one thing I've learnt is that it doesn't get better. It only gets worse. And the longer you live together the harder it is to make a decision. It took me a while but now I'm happy I broke up with him. I wish you lots of strength and luck.

+1.

leave.
as soon as you can.
i know from the experience - the more emotionally invested in him you are the harder it'll be to leave him.
be safe.

Terminate with extreme prejudice and take no prisoners.

Authorise the use of full force

Good luck

glowfly, I don't think the advice your looking for is whether to leave him or not. I get that you still want to work on it. Am I correct. It probably doesn't help that everyone simply tells you to leave. I won't tell you to leave unless there is no other option.

So what other options do you have? And how much are you willing to tolerate while seeking the other options? Are you coming to this forum looking for other options? If so, may I suggest personal or couples counseling. If he doesn't agree to go with you, then go by yourself. Also, do some reading on AS, as I'm sure you already have.

Mostly, listen. When hes says you don't understand, ask "What am I not understanding? Can you tell me?" As far as him getting angry a you for what is not your fault, tell him that is not acceptable. Either he has to leave (temporarily) or you have to leave (temporarily). Also, find a space that is just yours and have him find a space that is just his.

I'm no expert, so feel no obligation to follow my suggestions. I just hope that these are ideas you can use.

I get like that when Im in a crisis.Its just better to stay away then and let me sort it out on my own because I will flip and I will be rude, until Im left alone.However, this is when Im over the top stressed, and there is a bunch of drama around me and I feel shoved into a corner.Its not everyday behaviour, its more like me defending myself to the max.That doesnt happen so often but there have been 3 times in my life when it did ( and might happen again) and its not pretty.

Now, he could also just be a buttface :-/

I will not tell you to leave either...that is only a decision that you can make. What I can tell you is that I started dating my Aspie husband when we were both 17, we started living together by 19. We are now 29. He has definitely always had "anger issues". He is aware of them, he is not proud of it. Not at all physically abusive, but he can get pretty nasty with his words. What he doesn't realize is that words stick with a woman. There are definitely a lot of things he said long long ago to me that I will never ever forget. I can forgive, but I will never forget them. The bad news is....even though he's aware of his anger issues and his AS traits that contribute to many of our fights, it hasn't gotten a lot better over the 12 years we've been together. Like another poster said, my husband likes to be left alone and it is definitely better to let him be alone...he thinks about it for an hour or so and ultimately apologizes for his behaviour. What kind of relationship do we have today? Some of it's good, some of it's bad. Ultimately, what I learned, is that I have to lie to him about alllll sorts of things so it doesn't set off his anger or a fight. That's the not great part. An example would be, how much debt we have, or certain things I did during the day (since he not only likes to make a schedule in his head for his own daily activities, but also has one laid out for what he thinks I need to accomplish during the day)....so he'll say, did you walk the dog? Many days, I just don't have time, but if I tell him that it starts a fight about how he thinks I don't do anything...so I just tell him that I did and that's the end of the conversation. It is not nice walking on eggshells all the time, and it is not nice having to be dishonest with your significant other...you should be able to be yourself and be honest. That's what you should look for in a relationship. Ultimately the decision is yours, but I'd have to agree that things usually don't improve over time, even when the recognition of the problem is there on his side.