Going to a "social function" with Aspergers

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So... here's the deal.

I have Asperger's Syndrome (relatively on the high end of the spectrum, but I'm very socially awkward, haven't been to a birthday party since I was 5, and can't eat with others close to me). I am intelligent (member of Mensa at 15), and I do fairly well with school, but I really wanted a girlfriend, or at least a friend, to be close with. So, about 6 months ago, there's this girl in my English class... and basically we had an argument about something, and that started a long string of us basically bickering and stuff, but the weird thing was everyone around us was like, "get a room" and stuff like that... And then finally I realized what was going on. You know how little 8-year-old girls act mean and throw spitballs at the boys they like? Kinda like that, except in HS. Anyway, that's been going on for a while now... And I'm glad it is, because I'm basically hopeless in social functions, usually in class when something social goes on I kind of lock down, go into what I call "autism mode" and start spewing scientific stuff no one cares about, and finally here's this girl that likes me.

So today, during class, one of her friends mentions that I should ask her to this upcoming "social function" (it's actually prom, but because just the sound of that word freaks me out I'll just use "social function"). All her friends were in agreement, and since she was blushing and not saying anything, I'm assuming she's into me. I kinda smiled and didn't say anything either. Now here's the problem: I have absolutely no idea what to do. Do I ask her to the social function? How on earth would I go about doing that? I know people are going to reply saying stuff like "Just do it man, go up to her and say it" but I really can't do it because of the situation...

And even still, even if by some miracle I ask her and she accepts, then what on earth will I do? Just the thought of going to a social function with hundreds of people all dressed up and no academic/scientific structure freaks me out.... a lot. Like I think I'd rather shoot myself. But the problem is, if I don't ask her to the event, how can I still let her know that I like her and want to be her friend/girlfriend? I can't just be like "Uhh... I like you... but I have HF Autism so I don't want to go to prom...".

Thanks a lot for any replies in advance, I really appreciate it.

Ask her on a normal date?
Then explain that you just don't like proms.
It's not that unusual, i never went to my prom and no-one thought it was weird.

I might go anyway, depending on the girl.

You just ask her, get dressed up, have your picture taken together, then leave - then you get to say you went to prom together.

Is she a big "player" in the HS social scene? If not, I don't see what the problem is, there's really no way to screw things up socially in that case.

I think it's more about the idea of going to the prom than the actual prom itself...

Ahh Prom, those were the days! I agree with Grisha..prom is really more about showing up and saying that you went to the prom then the social event itself. Actually most people don't even stay at the prom that long. There are usually parties afterward, so it would not be unusual if one of her friends or even just someone she knew was having a party she would want to go to afterwards. It is also not unusual for a group of people to go to the prom together. Maybe 3 or 4 couples will all ride together. Although that may not be the case if she is a little introverted.

So if you decide to ask her, I would suggest asking her what she would like to do. If she has some friends she would like to go with and you are ok with that, then they will probably do most of the planning. (the girls in the group)

Proms sometimes involve renting a limo, especially if there is a group, so the cost can be split.

Couples go to dinner before the prom, if you are going with a group then you would all eat together.
If you would both prefer it though it could also be just the two of you.

Then there is the prom itself which is usually the briefest part..pictures, something to drink, dancing if you want to.

Then there should be a plan about what to do afterwards. It could be a party or it could be the two of you planning on hanging out together. I'm sure she will have some ideas about this.

From what I remember, once the guy asks..the girl kinda takes over the planning or at least is very involved in the planning.

Hope I didn't provide too much detail..
Good Luck

Ooh what a great opportunity to let her know you like her!

Prom is just a silly dance where some people spend lots of energy obsessing over and preparing for one night of dancing and dining and declaring a couple king and queen. It is really not that much of a big deal. My boyfriend in HS did not accompany me to prom, and I wasn't that bothered, just danced with my girl friends.

If you're too nervous to ask her to prom, then write her a note. That seems childish but you already mentioned the bickering like 8-year-olds, and that's pretty cute, so I don't see the problem with a note.

When the actual event arrives, try not to panic. Just go and don't spend the whole night in your chair. Dance! Dancing is fun, it's basically just wiggling.

Thanks for all the answers, guys...

I think I might go with writing a note like eudaimonia suggested... although I have strong feelings, I'm extremely shy, so I'd say a verbal encounter would be just not happening with me. And plus someone told me the other day that writing a note is seen as cute and sensitive, which is a good thing I guess?

I would suggest you ask her out properly(face to face and not joking).

I was in a similar situation during my first years of hs and I was allways to afraid to ask her properly so I just tried different approaches which never worked(texting, trying to set a date without telling her it was a date, the list goes on).

On my last day of hs I was packing my things and she came to my table. She mentioned she would have loved to go out with me but none of my attempts seemed serious to her so she thought I was just messing around(in her favour we did mess around with each other quite frequently).

It´s a pity I was moving to a foreign country in a few days so nothing happened.

I see... yeah, after some thought I realized that it's probably better to go with the personal encounter.

But I'm still not sure how I'm going to be able to do that, because I'm extremely shy with things like this, plus because of AS I don't want to mess up or say something inappropriate for the situation.

I wouldnt do it. You'll be putting yourself in a weak position and showing off some of your worst attributes. How much charm can you throw down while you are having sensory overload? Will she be impressed by your wooden Indian impression? Ask her out to do something else (movie, local museum, .whatever) Or if you must go, make it a brief appearance and then go somewhere else. I wouldnt go, but that's just me.

The first girl I ever asked our was asked via a note. It certainly can work. Ive also had it fail. It's got a short half-life but at your age it can work.

Let me elaborate about what I mean that I'm shy...

I'm like, really shy and nervous. Like even when I talk to her about normal things like school, I have to calculate in my mind exactly what I'm going to say, consider word choice based on predicted psychological outcomes, because I don't want to say the wrong thing. The reason I do that is because of AS I want to say the right thing all the time, and it's hard enough for me to stay not-awkward talking about homework, let alone a socially intense thing like a dance. I'm not really worried about getting rejected, because I'm ~92% sure she'll say yes. What I'm worried about is doing it and making sure I don't wimp out.

One trick is to forget you like her. Just forget it. It's easier to banter with women if you mentally erase the attraction thing and treat them like friends or buddies. Just remember later to switch it back on at some point (future date?) so she doesnt think you are totally uninterested.

But nothing is going to grant you perfect ease at this point. You are inexperienced and gaining experience will require effort and pain. Don't wimp out. You need this experience. It will become easier as you know more. And don't take it too seriously. This is just practice.

First of all, if you are socially awkward when talking about anything, then she must realize this and like you despite, or perhaps because of, this. So it's probably best not to worry too much about that.

Second, maybe it would be a good idea to ask her out on a normal date first. Maybe that way you could get more comfortable with each other and get to no each other better before you decide if you want to put yourself through prom. And maybe then she'd realize that it would be hard for you and be more understanding about any awkwardness.

As for actually asking her out... I can't really help you there. I've only asked someone out once (which was a complete disaster--turned out she'd just started dating someone else a few days ago) and it was terrifying. I don't know if this analogy will mean anything to you, but it makes me think of when I've been zip lining and have to jump off a platform into mid air. I know in my head that the harness will catch me, but every part of me screams that I'm going to fall. Asking a girl out is like that. Just remember that the worst thing that can happen is she'll say no and walk away. So get up your nerves and just jump off the cliff and ask her. Easier said then done of course, but that's what you'll have to do.

How to ask her to the "social function"

1. Slip a note to her that says "Would you go to the prom with me?" and sign your name and give her your number or e-mail.

2. Catch up with her after class. Ask her if you two can talk, and if she is open to this, ask her if she would like to go to the prom with you.

3. Walk up and ask her if she would like to go to the prom with you even if it's at an inopportune time and you come across as very socially awkward. You're a teenager and teenage girls generally think shy or socially awkward guys are cute....and she obviously doesn't think you are creepy so you don't have much to worry about with respect to that.

4. Text it to her. This is kind of a wussy thing to do but it still might work.

What to do if she wants to go to the prom with you.
1. Coordinate what to wear. The color scheme of your suit should match the color scheme of her dress.

2. Buy the tickets and arrange a ride. If you want to get fancy you can do a limo. A lot of times people go in groups so it's easier to rent the limo because everyone chips in for the cost.

3. A day or so before the prom, buy her a crosage and give it to her when she comes to the door.

4. Allow people to take photos of you two together.


At the prom:

1. If you don't know how to dance, reveal that to her, but give it a try anyway.

2. Try to get to know eachother better.

3. Do a slow dance.

4. Have some punch.

5. When it gets to be too much, suggest you go to a quite area and talk.

I get the impression that you might really have a chance with this girl as far as getting a girlfriend goes. There are some fears you should get over sooner than later, and approaching girls and putting yourself in slightly uncomfortable social situations are a few of them. Even if it doesn't go the way you want, at least you tried, and you can look back without the regret of not having tried and the feeling you may have passed up good opportunities.