how do I break the ice?

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We just have fun flirting in the adult forum, but when I see a girl fairly often, and we often smile at each other, "How are you?" seems so awkward. A social worker says to say something like that. I really don't know ....

I mean, I say "how are you?" when I know the person, but I don't want to be like Joey Tribbiani on Friends

Pour hot water on it.

lol

I think that's kind of it. Then the second, third or fourth exchange can be more substantial.

Stomp your foot really hard. Be careful though, you might fall in and not manage to get back out.

If the ice is several feet thick, a pickaxe or power equipment will probably be required. If it's thinner, a hammer and icepick may be sufficient. If the ice is over water, it will break if an object of sufficient mass is placed on top of it.

Well, for those of you who didn't watch Friends, Joey would say "How you doin'?" and it was supposed to be a babe catcher.

But just saying "how are you doing?" to a girl who you have been exchanging smiles with is O.K.?

I think ultimately you need to find the phrasing that you are most comfortable with. I personally would go with "how's it going?", because that's just natural for me to say. Stick with what you know.

But then you'll need a follow up. Map out some sort of general conversational path without thinking too much about the actual words. And then be prepared to improvise when the plan falls apart. Which of course it will.

The internal censor, which we all have, both NTs and us Aspies, just put the default setting on 'probably okay to go ahead and say it' unless it really jumps out at you that it's not appropriate.

Now, the other thing, if someone responds poorly, for whatever reason, give them space. This has helped me a lot. A person needs space, I will graciously give them space, without the intermediary step of asking whether they should need space.

I'm going to put on my thinking cap on what might be one or several good responses.

And it's important not to make a big deal about it. For example, if I pull up a seat at a bar, I don't sit there ponderously for a minute and then say something. I might say something as I'm taking my seat. And (good case scenario) as we ping-pong it back and forth, I start to get a feel for whether I like her looks and personality. Now, I'm not that big a bar person anymore (really never worked that well for me anyway, have never met a girlfriend at a bar, met one fine lady at a chess club, another at a dance practice party after a dance class, another at a Sierra Club meeting . . . )

Or, if there's a food table at a party or conference, short comments someone can respond to, or not, as I am picking up my plate and getting food. Again, this instead of a big ponderous build-up. And, along as I keep it relatively straightforward, if the person's in a sociable mood, it hardly matters what I say. And if they're not in a sociable mood, it hardly matters what I say either.

I don't go to bars, really, at all. Don't have money for it. Not into the bar scene.

I'm rarely am at conferences parties with large tables.

I'm right now unemployed, and I think that that somehow makes me undateble. And least, sometimes I feel that way.

I hang at a Burger King to use a computer, and one of the workers there and I would exchange smiles. There have been a few other things that have happened in life where I could have or almost could have taken advantage of a situation, but they have been few and far between.

a joke is always good to break the ice.

I'm no good at jokes

me either.
bad jokes work better than good ones, in my experience.
then it's like 'uh oh that was bad wasn't it?' which opens up more conversation.