I can't get a girlfriend

Post Reply New Topic

Hi, I am very worried, because I can't get a girlfriend.

I so badly want an (NT) girlfriend...

All the guys in my class has had a girlfriend and, uhm, dot dot dot, but I'm as much a virgin like a Catholic pastor

All the girls in my class think i'm disgusting and behaving strange, but I get the best grades in my class and is the best in my class at using computers, and blahblah...

Does anyone have some tips

Get a therapist. We can't fix that broad of a problem on an internet forum. The only thing I can suggest is good grooming habits, dressing similar to more popular people (but try to avoid wearing the exact same outfits as them), and get a haircut that is in style AND looks good on you. That may require some discussion with a good barber.

The "strange" behavior is a matter for a therapist. That usually turns out to be a more complicated matter than you would have ever guessed on your own.

And the tales of your classmate's sexual conquests are mostly grossly exaggerated.

+100!

I assume you're a teenager, alexfromnormay, and if teenage girls there are anything like teenage girls here, then they're all basically insane. Most are obsessed with their social status among other girls and only date boys who they think will make them more popular, much like a designer handbag. My advice is to, for now, not think so much about THEM and think more about YOU. Do you take care of yourself? Do you have friends? Do you like yourself? If any of those are NO, then that's what you should work on first.

This is very true. Also, Alex, are you about 16 or 17? That is what I am and I used to be in your position, with girls thinking I'm gross and all, now I have no problem talking to girls. The first thing you have to do is be clean and smell good. No pretty girl will ever date a dirty guy, it is the #1 turn off. Brush your teeth and shower every single day you are around girls, and then think about how you would look best, which most girls prefer a clean, natural look.

What do you do that might lead others to think you are behaving strange? That you'll probably want to see a therapist for. All I can recommend is don't talk to yourself when others are around, and don't stand too close to people.

Unfortunately, as with our social skills, Aspies lack the necessary skills to gain a girlfriend and need to be taught the right way to make a friendship or relationship. Unfortunately there is no 'how to' manual for Aspie dating, so Aspies have to learn on their own and some never gain that knowledge.

Get on the longboat and go pick up some fiesty anglo saxon wenches

I think that's sort of the purpose of this forum, a place where we can learn and share our experiences.



I'm in! *mans an oar*

Its a common problem with aspies. The single most common problem that aspies have that causes this is their inability to smile. I don't know about you specifically, but if you don't, learn to do it without looking weird and the girls will start talking to you. As far as acting weird, you need to listen to NT's when they tell you that you are acting strange even if you don't understand why. Then try to get them to explain why. Sometimes they will and sometimes they wont.

As far as disgusting, is that them saying that or you assuming that? Do you also have ADHD?

I'm going to echo what everyone else has said here, but only be a little more harsh about it...you don't stand a chance. Your reputation is already made. You could very well be not bad looking and have qualites that a cute girl would like...but in high school, a girl's social status is the single most important thing to her (in some cases, even more important than her grades.) I had a girl that wasn't even hot and was an underclassman, that had a crush on me, but once she inevitably hard how so-called "unpopular" I was, she wanted nothing to do with me. Actually, she pretended to be my friend to my face and made fun of me behind my back (only I was onto her after a while.) Now, she's practically obese and has kids.

Another girl a grade under me was really hot, like playboy hot...now she's fat and ugly.

Girls your age are out for "status" nothing more, nothing less. If you're not ridiculously good looking, an athlete on one of the school's teams, an upperclassman with good social standing, or in some cases, a guy that's not even in high school (I get teenage women checking me out all the time) you don't stand a chance.

If anything, you're ahead of the game since you have your Asperger diagnosis. I didn't get mine until age 23. Just work on "you" and wait for your turn.

Last edited by foreveryoung on 14 Aug 2010, 10:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Girls won't date guys who may compromise their popularity. Girls like guys who will either enhance their social status, buy them things, or both.

you nailed it! that is most likely the reason i have never had a girlfriend either

Well put !

I hate to break it to you, but young girls usually do not give a crap about your grades.

At that age they are drawn to the cro-magnon male with sociopatic tendencies. They need to be slapped around a bit by such males so their braincell starts working, then they realise that maby they shouldnt hang out with idiots who treat them like crap and starts looking at nicer alternatives...

Ichichin is right; high school girls couldn't care less about your grades and/or intelligence, unless they're trying to use you for their homework. Dating in high school is difficult even for NTs, let alone aspies. First of all, you absolutely need a car in order to have a girlfriend (with a possible exception of dense urban areas); otherwise girls won't even consider dating you. Second, you need to spend obscene amounts on fashionable clothing; otherwise, you won't look cool, and most girls will avoid you. Three, you need to be very popular, which is usually achieved through athletics, which is out of the question for most aspies. Girls will not compromise on two out of three: they want absolutely the best. On top of that, once you start dating someone, knowledge of that will spread faster than an oil spill, and there won't be shortage of people who might sabotage you for the pure enjoyment of it.

I say don't bother with dating in high school. It's so fraught with difficulties that it's just not worth the effort. You might not think that way now, but everything is 20/20 in hindsight. Wait until college, when people are more mature and simply too busy themselves to worry about other people's business. If you must date in high school, go for someone with a similar popularity level, and generally keep things on the down low within the school building.

If you haven't already, grow your hair out. Nice hair can be a turn on to girls.