Suggestions for the Divorced Aspie Dads

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I'm not sure if this belongs in this forum, but I couldn't find one that deals with Aspie parenting (where the parent is Aspie, not necessarily the kid(s)). So here goes.

It takes a lot of work to help children through the transition of divorce. It can be particularly challenging to get them used to having two homes, visitation schedules....all the awesome fun of shared and/or non-custodial parenting. There's something that's really important to keep in mind as a guy - it's important to make your (probably new) home your children's home, too.

I know that guys don't typically have a ton of interest in "making a home." I suspect Aspie guys probably have even less interest in that than the typical NT guy. But your kids really need to feel like their presence in your home is welcomed. They need to have their own space, their own things....the little things that make them feel like they belong.

You don't have to spend a ton of money, but your kids should have a bedroom in your home (shared bedrooms are fine) - but they should have an actual bed, with bedding they've chosen (trust me, it doesn't have to be Pottery Barn Kids - little ones will be just as thrilled with a bed-in-a-bag from Target - one that they get to choose). I knew a young family who created an adorable room for their daughter - all with furniture they bought at garage sales. Interesting painting techniques, some new drawer pulls - and it looked like the stuff came from Pottery Barn Kids. They even went with a Coleman inflatable camping mattress on the bed frame for a while (they didn't want to go with a second-hand mattress) - and their daughter loved it.

Just let them pick a theme, pick paint color, pick out a bean bag chair - something that makes the space their own. They should have clothes that are just for dad's house. Next time they're over, check the tags in their clothes to figure out their sizes, and take them shopping. They should have their own toothbrushes and bubble bath and toys at dad's house, too. And just because you're okay with bachelor pad style "roughing it," don't expect your kids to be. Keep food and snacks in the house they like to eat, keep a supply of Zoo Pals on hand, be prepared to make them meals.

I've talked to friends (Aspie and NT), and the overall consensus from the children of divorce was that when the father made an effort to make sure his kids felt welcome, they felt welcome. They felt loved. They felt like they were still a part of their father's life. When the father didn't make that effort, they felt exactly the opposite - as though they were intruding in their father's life, and felt unwanted.

Finally, no matter how many future husbands or bf's your ex introduces into your kids' lives, you'll always be their one-and-only dad. They'll never have the attachment to another man that they have to you. No matter how you feel inside about them, it's still very important that you show them how important they are to you.