Do you like tenacity in a partner?

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Well?

I've realized that I do and. as I had a second to reflect on it I think its exactly this - most people who've either approached me or who I've approached have either completely turned the other way when they saw the real me or, alternately, they played passive defensive and fled.

I think the way that's shaped me at least - I'm actually deeply moved by tenacity when I see it. When I do start talking to someone and they take a thing or two into their own authority, particularly in a way that says they care about me, I'm truthfully moved by it. Seems like we generally live in a culture where if there's any questionmarks about what you see - whether you're a guy or a girl - the command from central is 'flake or just straight up flee', we all unfortunately end up either giving or receiving that to certain extents but, if you find yourself both giving call and ignoring but never having a call echoed back in a response, life really feels like limbo, and all it takes is that one response, just one person reflecting back at you to make you feel like you're alive again (please note - this isn't a reflection on my current realities so much as broader ones).

Lol, hope I'm not sounding daft, just that IMO the human condition's worth cataloging, worth sharing, but also - back on point - I can see where a lot of us do want strong and self-assured partners and actually, great self-confidence and extroversion aren't even requirements, just another personality to grapple with yours, test you in the right ways, to be as decisive as you are, a full blooded equal who wants to call you out and challenge you to think in new ways. Some guys say they want submissive women, personally I could never be more alone than to be the president, CEO, and treasurer of such an enterprise.

It sounds to me more like you're looking for equality in a partner?

I think I get the point.

The only thing I would note is that there can be a difference between those who are tenacious in the pursuit phase of a relationship and those who are tenacious in the defense an extended relationship years down the line. It's easy to spot those who are tenacious in the opening phases. They hunt and get what they want and are upfront about it (men and women). Those with staying power for long term relationships are much more difficult to spot and I don't believe the one has anything to do with the other.

I relate to everything the OP said.

To put it simply, yes, I do!

OP, you raise an interesting point. I will tell you that as a strong woman, men typically like the idea of being with a strong, smart, independent woman much more than the reality of it.

I've never shied away from men that are different, in lots of different ways. I think it does take someone of character, someone whose core beliefs aren't based on superficialities, someone who is not concerned with measuring a man based on popular standards to embrace someone who is different. In short, it takes someone who is strong and independent.

But wanting and having a strong and independent woman are two very different things. Someone who is strong enough to be unphased by other people's judgment of their partner is also likely not someone who will play games in a relationship. She'll expect no game-playing in return. She wants a man who says what he means and means what he says, who will value her for everything she is. She doesn't measure strength in terms of muscles - she measures it in terms of character. IMO, that's a much tougher standard to meet than good-looking, high-earning, muscle-bound tough guy. Surprisingly (or not), men don't seem to love that no-nonsense approach to relationships.

Depends what that tenacity is applied to.

Tenacity can mean different things to different people, I guess. Personally, I think there have been times when I should have shown far less tenacity in a relationship, in that I hung onto someone (or an idea of someone) for way too long and it proved an unhealthy mistake. Tenacity can be a good thing, but when it comes to relationships, sometimes it's also good to know when to make a clean break and move on.

An off-topic aside: Moog, I love your new avatar!

Last edited by blueroses on 23 Apr 2011, 1:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.

And its hard to relate to anyone not wanting that both ways. I don't know where or when society decided that honesty or integrity were signs of weakness unless hidden below some considerably big mounds of guile, or hidden to where someone with integrity even feels the need to go so far in hiding it - for fear of being seen as weakness - that they start acting against it even just to prove they aren't weak.

The other thing, I think men do want some amount of grappling and nonverbal/unspoken communication but 'some', if conflict breaks then that's where it's best that it stops. Perhaps its that we find 'doing' more meaningful and moving than word service? And sometimes, admittedly, we undervalue word-service when it often times what women need, ie. the guy who has the common sense to call his wife/fiance/girlfriend at lunch break or at least let them know that he's thinking about them. I think that inherent differences in needs that men and women have need to be taken into account though for sure, at least long before interests being missed or not gratified one way or the other be taken as lack of character.

Agreed. I think back at Moog's question its best served as a tenacity toward altruism, ie. you want to see your partner do well - you don't drive em crazy about their endeavors but you do give them enough push to where they' know that you're in their corner. As for situations when we've chased people who were on their way out, yeah, that's a tough one. The lesson I've learned is that if people want out or don't have an interest they likely know themselves well enough to be right, I'll typically let it go at that for better or worse.

I tend not to hang on enough. I'm so take it or leave it...



Cheers blueroses, it's good to see you again. Have you been away, or have I just been ignoring L&D?

You can make your own here http://www.amctv.com/madmenyourself/

I tend to think that if you've been hurt enough you go that way? I probably have the same issue, though I guess I'm also...I *think* I'm getting better... at knowing the difference between knowing when to let go and knowing when its for the better to still give enough chase to say 'I'm here for you'.

Yeah, I guess I have to apply a bit more tenacity in future. I've not met anyone I felt strongly enough about it though for a while. Everyone's coupled or married at my age. A different issue though, eh?

"I think back at Moog's question its best served as a tenacity toward altruism, ie. you want to see your partner do well"

Doesn't everyone want their partner to do well, though? Geez, what is the world coming to?

One more off-topic aside: Thanks for the link, Moog! I'd like to check that out, except I don't have a current pic of myself and don't plan to have any pictures taken until my hair grows back a little bit. (I was feeling impulsive and practically cut all my hair off recently--don't ask).

Last edited by blueroses on 23 Apr 2011, 1:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.

You don't need a pic, you just whack something up with the bits provided.

Way to quote me at the exact same time I was editing what I'd just said, Moog. Lol!

I'm sure you have fine taste in women, TechStep.

Sometimes I seriously wonder why techstepgenr8tion hasn't found someone yet.