People that are afraid of falling in love

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This is so sad/pathetic. I've only dealt with it once and I didn't realize that was what was happening at the moment. I thought the girl was just a massive slut (horrible word, I know) and simply enjoyed being a slut. The truth is, she doesn't do it out of choice, really. That girl was literally afraid of holding sustained eye contact with me even during sex, but was obsessed with me and is still obsessed with me after I haven't talked to her for a month. She was just terrified of the damage she thought I could do to her.

These sorts of people are heartbreaking in a way. Nobody can fix them until they get over whatever issues they're working through.

I'm not exactly sure what you have in mind here, but it does trigger something for me. Seems like the total opposite of what you describe, though. I basically can't help but fall for just about every woman I get to know at all well -- and pretty much demand the same of them. (And get surprised, even offended, when they don't reciprocate!) I don't think it's love. Actually, I'm pretty sure it isn't. More like addiction. And it stems from my complete inability to keep people at appropriate distances, moderate my behavior, take things in reasonable doses. Like, you're either with me or against me -- and if you're with me, you'd better be right up against me.

Doesn't always work out so well (surprise!), but I'd rather it be like this than like it is with your friend.

So....are we back to the idea that her promiscuity is rooted in low self-esteem? Are you two talking again?

I'm not sure of what you meant to say, but I was struck by your statement that no one can fix a person like your ex until she gets over her issues. I just want to caution you that nobody actually gets to fix anyone but themselves. It really is up to them to make the decision to do whatever it takes to heal. Until that decision is made, there's really nothing to be done. After they make the decision and get help, you can certainly try to support them in their efforts to get well, but you can't do it for them. That's often the hardest part about walking away from a relationship like you had with her: accepting that determination, intelligence, kindness, caring, strength, and whatever else you want to throw in there are meaningless - unless the problem you're trying to resolve is your own. It can be very frustrating. Hang in there.

I hate when people misinterpret my commitment to remaining single as being "afraid to fall in love." I'm not. I just don't want to deal with other people's drama when I have enough of my own. That's the short answer anyway, but it's what it comes down to.

But referring to the content of your post... a lot of, if not most of, the times you try to "help" people they just take advantage of you every way they can, so be careful out there!

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